My blog
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Turning a New Leaf (whats the diff anyway)
Monday, Nov 23, 2009 12:18AM / Standard Entry
hi blog~ i'm here again.. ha-ha... LOL bloody lame
lets see... i started my uni for about 2months now.. feels great to start studying again, and most of all, i gained a bunch of friends (mostly juniors haha) whom i love so much! believe it or not but in just 2 months, i love them =) they're helpful, fun, kind, happening, and so on~ so He didnt turn me down, in the end. and all the worries i had before starting, *tsk tsk* i guess i'm lucky ^^
its a sunday and i'm back to school (literally) tmr... one week's break nearly killed me. i tried soooooo fking hard to finish my homework, only in vain. for days and days i kept blaming myself so being such an idiot to not know how to do. sis and frens were around fully supporting me but the feeling of not knowing how to do just plainly makes me feel stupid. i was so stressed out that i kept blaming and blaming myself for not understanding the questions. then He finally came. it so happened that on the day i was on verge of giving up that i saw this inspirational video posted by a uni mate in fb, and at the same time i was msg-ing kerv~ i held my tears when i watched the vid, but kerv's last sentence pushed the tears out. i was complaining to him on how bs ppl said about we science students who could do just anything because science was alrd toughest. how wrong i thought. but he reminded me something so so important i had to quote it here: "they can! they may fall back abit but they will rush back to the front!"
never in my life had i thought in that sense but all it took was a person(s) i care to slap me in the face and said, 'dont be so bloody pathetic pitying yourself! get up and start trying again!' i tried, and by the end of the night i still couldnt do my homework. but at least i know i tried my best.
i've seen some movies recently.. This is It, and 2012. LOL yeah sad case xD but i think both are worth 2nd time, especially This is It. obviously 99% due to MJ, and 1% is due to the film not being a movie, but a music docu instead. it was amazing how they rehearsed and liven up the supposed concert. *tsk tsk* wasted~
doesnt it scare you to not know who's reading your blog? =) thats why, to all blog readers: it would be soooo much smarter of u if u wont open your itchy mouth and ask questions regarding the blog u read to the blogger unless it's a public blog for comments OR you're the blogger's best friend or sth.
i'm having emotional yoyo nowadays. i just want to walk out, stand under the rain and feel the chill. is that so hard?
kinda wasted my 1h20min to watch aquarian age last night, and 2hrs flat on twilight1 just now. bloody hell gimme back my time =.=''
i should leave now and start pondering what to do =\ bloggie, i miss u like crazy. how i wished i could just sit and blog everyday coz there's so much running through my mind! and i miss them so much, i really do... but how can i blame studies that took them away from me. how can i blame life.
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Blank Subject
Monday, Aug 10, 2009 1:52AM / Standard Entry
yeap baby, its time to hang around here aimlessly again bloggie heheh~
first of all, i'm outta job (due to end of contract la!! xD) and nowadays my money is flowing out, no longer in. plus the fact that i *have* the time to spend, money does seem to flow out faster. *damn*. i really need to stop spending so much.
second of all, i'm one week away from a three-month relationship.. of course i'd hope it'll be longer but due to many many foreseen circumstances, chances are thin~ but anyway, he's really a nice but blur guy so sometimes he makes me feel smitten, but at other times, he's a total nuisance.
then, there's my beautiful dearie back from faraway land~ hopefully she stays for my bday =( *considering her saying she decided to go back earlier again(?)*
decisions decisions. life is all about making one, many, all of them! and its domino effect, what one decides will change not only his/her life forever, but others too. this year is definitely a turning-point year for most people that i know. why 2009 seem to be such an unlucky year? we are suddenly being put to our worst outcome, and if one doesnt use their brain, they fail. i've taken my one-year break, its time to continue this endless journey. to be honest, i'm scared. and no one is there to share my fear because everyone's fear is different. will i be able to cope with new subject, new future, new life, new friends? or will i be the same, or even worse? will i succeed, or fail as usual? to think back, i feel that i experienced too much failure that i now forget the taste of victory. what its like to get an A? to be the top in class? am i up for it? am i the average shadow? it takes much more bravery to start a journey than to finish it. i really want to stop thinking or worrying and live through life just like that.
there was this time, when in that whole week itself, i didnt manage to finish even a day without tears. i had my first and so far the worst emotional breakdown in life (and its not due to pms!). i find it amusing that i'm somewhat different in demanding attention. i need more attention when i'm in bad mood (sorry baby!!) and i hate, hate to be left alone when i breakdown. most ppl would like/be best (to) be left alone during those times but i just dislike moments of loneliness. sad sad~ i was consumed by angst unknowingly for that time and i consulted my sis on it. we both somehow shared emotions like twins =S but difference is, i tried really hard to control my emotions after realising what devil has consumed me. reason being, i dreaded the possibility that i'd end up like her. i didnt, and still dont want to lose a loving person due to my failure in controlling my emotions. but how hard it was during that week. i was already on verge on ditching him because his near-non-existence during my breakdown annoyed me. i despise ppl who are close to me but dare not be by my side when i'm in trouble. then spontaneously before we depart for home, i told him everything. from all the teary nights to how i dislike him being away when i really needed someone to be around. i was terrified of how i could act that time, and so i cried out of fear every night. out of fear, fear for myself. split personality? i sure hope its temporary. but i'm all good now, at least so far so good =\
to be honest, whatever there is to do with finance suffocates me. in fact, i find myself needing (but not using, yet) inhaler more and more each day. i have no idea why, and though i actually do, i hate the fact that i'm considered penniless and hence being stressed. so now there's another reason why youngsters would choose to work instead of furthering their studies: parents pressure.
before ending this long useless post, i really think i need stay away from the world for awhile. most of the ppl around me proved nuisance.
i've decided to just go penang sometime in sept regardless of being alone or not.
Music: Caught in the Moment
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Making a Big Comeback
Wednesday, Jul 8, 2009 12:12AM / Standard Entry
Sorry bloggie... Its been more than a month I've deserted you..
Work life.. Personal life.. and bits of everything else added up together and now is consuming me inside out.
There's so many things, if not unlimited, that I want to blog about. But due to time constraint, I'll just make sure that you, my dear bloggie, dont wither away by posting this short post for now. I believe I'll be good enough to make this weekends solely for my own? (yes yy you may have succeeded in changing my mind on this but not on black cat cushion!! :p)
I found another new bestie who actually has nearly the same attitude as me. Thank you lord for putting such a noble person in my life to always be my invisible backbone.
Right now, I need to go down and celebrate fatty flurry's *belated* birthday~ yes fatty is 4 on July 7!!! ^_^ so long for now~ pics n vids will definitely be posted =D
Love ya bloggie, hang on!
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I am.....
Sunday, May 31, 2009 11:54PM / Standard Entry
no... not spartan.... but really i dont know what am i too haha~
was chatting with no3 and i told him about my silent dream; to have memory loss for a day or two. how wonderful it is to forget everything, even who you are for just a day. where u can actually sit on green green grass (no there's no green green goat eating the green grass no3 =.=) and think of nothing but just enjoying life... how fun it would be... =)
came home late... erm.. this morning... hahah~ and what happened last night (or this morning) kept playing itself in my mind. how would this end up? i'll always be thinking. like what as quoted from my fav. manga "in a usual relationship, we would start by writing letters to each other everyday... then 2-3 letters a week, once a month, and after half a year, there wont be any sparks any more..." true, thats why most relationships dont last. and hence, i'm looking for the one where he continued saying "..but she's different. she wrote to me everyday without failing until i finished my studies and went back to her side...." yes i want this kind of bf who will not fail msg-ing me or call me everyday. too demanding?
a shopping complex in seksyen 14 pj collapsed and trapped 7 construction workers, killing them. how much more collapsing buildings must happen before someone does something? i guess there isnt any answer to my question. you see, this is where i live in. a place where lives are the least important thing to be concerned of. and that is why i think what mr gandhi said is so true. there is no civilisation here... god save our souls!!!!
... actually... will i be bad if i say that those people are not my concern at all? haha but its kinda true... because foreign workers like feasting on dogs, so why should i care? =\ aww too bad.
i cant help agreeing more on what munching says "everyone is hypocrite in some ways" (not directly quoted)~
i think i'm being more sarcastic nowadays. and i dont understand why parents only start to worry *again* now.... its not like i never did it before... just didnt do it for some time alrd.... and they were speechless when i asked them LOL sorry mommy daddy but you gotta let me go when it's time.
weather is so damn hot these few days i'm dying for an air-cond in my room!!!!! T__________T
hmm.... where to study? i'm so so so scared of taking accountancy now that my colleague told me its kinda hard. but then again, if study isnt hard, no one will be studying right... argh goodness i hate challenges sometimes!!
okay i'm gonna stop since i've not much to say anyway~ thanks for listening, bloggie... ^^
missing you~
Music: Monster - Super Junior
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HELP NEEDED!!!!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009 12:41AM / Standard Entry
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- hOla~ liz da name, music's da game~ lots of love~ *she's always busy dammit*
- Gender: Female
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