i start to see myself blogging monthly.

truth is, i'd love to blog more than anything else but because there's too many, hence non could come out.

fyi peeps, i'm still suffocating in this bleak relationship that i've never once stop regretting on starting it. there's 10 000 reasons to break it, and one not to. why am i stupidly clinging on to that one reason.

i once told adeline that she's the kind of person who'd try every possible moves to shove peaople off. not her bad, because its better to hurt than to get hurt, if you realise how painful it is. then, i realised that i'm no different than her. he made all effort to make me happy, and i'm forever not contented. i'm a very much money-minded person, for god's sake. its not the money, its just reality. so being selfish is actually not a bad thing, its rather self-protection. but if everyone is selfish, who is there to give? i was a giver, i was terribly unhappy mostly all the time. i'm now a taker. it didnt change, i'm still unhappy. and the worse thing is? i made others unhappy too. thats why God always tell me, its better for you to be unhappy alone than you being unhappy *and* causes everyone else to. hence, i shall fight for tomorrow, but You must be there for me i dont care. thanks

i just came back from a 4d3n trip to penang. finally, right. but there are still babies i didnt meet. 4 days is definitely not enough. its quite a nice trip, really. and did i mention i love that place? lesser crime, more food. bad thing is, no night life. i think i'd prefer bangkok for that =D its a good thing tho, that i've met one. my nyee nyee~~ ^_^ she's such a darling!!! and i owe a big time thanks to my anak buah teddy for making efforts to make me love penang (you did it! xD) i must say that 5hr bus journey was definitely worth it.

then the weekend before, my pangkor gang treated me to the first ever Revolving Restaurant in Federal Hotel, Bukit Bintang. believe me guys, kl tower isnt the first. about rm50 inc taxes per person, its a fair price for what we got there. just-okay food, busy crowd mostly the occupants of the hotel, and the slow-but-thrusting revolver. what cheered me up was the crowd. *my* crowd =) its so unfair that it was my day but adeline was so pretty! xD the white dress suits her perfectly (except the back part X( cut it off! :p), then aaron is in town working while waiting to start his uni, and mern looks as pretty the way she is ^^ somehow i felt so cherished that day, seeing us having a great time ^^ and there's this really nice uncle making balloon arts for every(i think) table. we got ourselves a doggy balloon and a something-shaped, for aaron xD photos will be up soon, if i'm not lazy, which i'd finally will turn lazy xD

looking back, i've had another greatest short break since my end of work til now. i've been to genting, this time with my boy, then redang, my most treasured holiday escapade, then penang. i dont deny that i find studying is the final turn off for life, and so i enjoyed the remaining of days. and mum never stopped complaining how i used *her* money to have fun. its okay, its parents job to annoy their kids ^^

i was finishing my brisbane picture upload in facebook when i'm now halted at the gold coast part. i've moved forward for tangalooma, now gold coast, the finale~ its kinda hard tho, to reminisce the sad parts. but its okay, i should be able to finish it soon. i'm so way behind off my photo uploading schedule X( sorry peeps....

uni starts next monday, and i'm anxious on it. i somehow have the fear that i'll be suffering like in a levels again. its either you're a geek or you're a clubber. and if you're in the middle like me, you become a loner. =\ for a social butterfly, that was fucking sucky. its so easy to just party all night, only if you're a rich brat with no financial constriction. or being a geek, only if you've no life of your own, or you're born like that. dammit, its scary to even think of it now =.='

i've been on GA marathon since last night. bloody hell why is grey's anatomy SO GOOD that mostly every episode requires the tissue box next to you??? tonight will be the finale, and the season 6. god, it must not end like E.R. T^T kathy and patrick sure made it big thru GA, not to mention sandy who's been on several movies holding small characters now widely known. please dont end so soon X(

i'm soooooooo scared to check my jrock updates. have i lost interest? NO. i still headbang to every dir en grey songs ^^ just that i'm scared that i'll be crazed again ..... and teddy said diru's coming out with another ALBUM??!! wtf???? gimme some singles first la!!!!! but i do know lah, that they've written that new album together with uroboros~ uroboros is LOVE~ the change of style is so heavy and yet blends it too well~ gawd, dir en grey must NOT split until i get the chance to meet them!!!!!!

i've no idea what else i can blab, so i'm gonna continue my grey finale xD so long now!


Music: Money Honey - Lady Gaga (yeah u can figure she's my new love)

ha-ha~ how sad?! =.='

sorry bloggie~ hey do you know my birthday's coming in 2 days?? =D but its not gonna be a fun one i know that~ ^^

lets go random!!!! things that i've ALWAYS enjoyed (and still do) doing with my hunnies up north ^^

okay 1st thing, me must be really brave to admit publicly that me is no longer single~ *ugh that was hard for no absolute reason* probably i still dont quite accept his existence? lawlz with the emphasis on the british accent. but it was only yesterday that i told him, i've faced so many things that i'm alrd immune to whatever's gonna come~ was i joking? no~ but is it real? i've no freaking idea. well of course i've faced rejections from my own family (really bad ones, the only thing they hvnt do is to kick me outta house), now its time for everyone else. i remember mum always asking my sis and i, why teenagers nowadays are soooooo close to their friends and that is what make a bad bad rotten teen. it does apply for some ppl and i dont deny it. but in my case, it doesnt. when my own family members turn back on me, they are there. when they try every possible means to bring me down, they pull me back up. not even my boy, but my friends. but i dont hate them, mind you. its really family's job to bring you down so that you learn how to get back up (in my very own positive thinking)~ i found really really meaningful friends whom i'd die for (seriously) because they provide me countless support, endless ideas, and everlasting friendship whenever i need it, which is all the time xD i wouldnt hesitate whenever they need me =)

so yeah having to actually type a long long paragraph really shows why i dont like to disclose my relationship~ okay lets describe this baddie in one sentence: he's a malay with no proper education background and makes less than 2k a month (he's only 22) and has no car nor licence~ sounds sooooo sad everyone's been wondering what has become to lizzie to land on the desperateland~ yeah she's not the average young woman whom guys will set eyes upon. so what does this guy wants from her??? like seriously?? like seriously, i have no idea either. i always have the faint idea that he may be just taking pity on me, or just for a short fling. now, which will be more disastrous; him being the ultimate cheater, or the ultimate obsessed possessing boy? LOL i kinda have this feeling that its just another game He set on me~ 3mths+ and i'm still having occasional push to just end it. like what megan@shoshana said in dance flick: "we spend more time defending our relationship than actually having one"
i couldnt agree more =\

i think now i'm more selfish than last time. thinking for ppl too much makes me tired. so when they say things like, he's no future~ he's a poor chap~ he doesnt suit you~ i wont pay you for thisnthat (this is the utmost CLASSIC one! xD) and stuffs, it really tends to just move *out* of my ears~ how bout something like, its better to have love and lost than never to love at all hahahah yeaaa i know i'm so justifying for my acts xD okay okay drop this subject we dont know where its gonna end up anyway~ BUT! the manufactured date is on 051509! lets see when will be the expiration date~
*ps: i do care for him really much, because he makes all the exceptions for me, unless some times where he's still kinda selfish which makes me feel that he hasnt gotten used to having a real full-time girlfriend who really cares for him (lelong lelong a really good gf here! xD)

its already september, so i guess its time for nomination alrd? hahahah~ for? hmmmm BEST VACATION OF THE YEAR!! =D
1. Redang Island ~Aug 17 - Aug 19, 2009~ ~Charmaine, Glenna, Lizz~
definitely earned a big part in my memory as we finally went for a trip with just us, the SBS ^^ and god was it exciting!!! its the very first time in my life seeing marine wildlife so closely and actually touching them!! and baby sea turtles!! and sharks and biiiiiiiiiiiig turtles and naughty nemo!!! the unforgettable ultimate escapade =)
2. Genting Highlands ~Aug 1 - Aug 2, 2009~ ~Baby, Colleague couple@close friends~
my very first short holiday with baby!! and luckily he's as crazy (if not more!) to go for unlimited outdoor rides at the genting theme park ^^ the down side? he was so indulged in the indoor he actually neglected me for more than half the day.

i'm thinking of going to penang but the only times everyone there is free is during raya which is the peak season =( see if i get tickets 1st xD really really want to visit teddy's workplace!!! ^^ then giveandtake UNLIMITED hugs and kisses :p :p (you know what to do when i get my ass there xD)

there are soooooooo many things i need to do!!!!!!
1. clear comp spaces, watch some movies/series i've downloaded, sort music files
2. go register for uni!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and look around places to live there)
3. updates UPDATES on my jappy darlings T^T (kinda scared on doin it coz i'm afraid i'll be obsessed again xD)
4. upload pics of redang!!!!! X(

i think i still have loads to say but i'm kinda sleepy..... so lets continue next time when i dont feel lazy :p


Music: Last Night on Earth - Green Day

yeap baby, its time to hang around here aimlessly again bloggie heheh~

first of all, i'm outta job (due to end of contract la!! xD) and nowadays my money is flowing out, no longer in. plus the fact that i *have* the time to spend, money does seem to flow out faster. *damn*. i really need to stop spending so much.

second of all, i'm one week away from a three-month relationship.. of course i'd hope it'll be longer but due to many many foreseen circumstances, chances are thin~ but anyway, he's really a nice but blur guy so sometimes he makes me feel smitten, but at other times, he's a total nuisance.

then, there's my beautiful dearie back from faraway land~ hopefully she stays for my bday =( *considering her saying she decided to go back earlier again(?)*

decisions decisions. life is all about making one, many, all of them! and its domino effect, what one decides will change not only his/her life forever, but others too. this year is definitely a turning-point year for most people that i know. why 2009 seem to be such an unlucky year? we are suddenly being put to our worst outcome, and if one doesnt use their brain, they fail. i've taken my one-year break, its time to continue this endless journey. to be honest, i'm scared. and no one is there to share my fear because everyone's fear is different. will i be able to cope with new subject, new future, new life, new friends? or will i be the same, or even worse? will i succeed, or fail as usual? to think back, i feel that i experienced too much failure that i now forget the taste of victory. what its like to get an A? to be the top in class? am i up for it? am i the average shadow? it takes much more bravery to start a journey than to finish it. i really want to stop thinking or worrying and live through life just like that.

there was this time, when in that whole week itself, i didnt manage to finish even a day without tears. i had my first and so far the worst emotional breakdown in life (and its not due to pms!). i find it amusing that i'm somewhat different in demanding attention. i need more attention when i'm in bad mood (sorry baby!!) and i hate, hate to be left alone when i breakdown. most ppl would like/be best (to) be left alone during those times but i just dislike moments of loneliness. sad sad~ i was consumed by angst unknowingly for that time and i consulted my sis on it. we both somehow shared emotions like twins =S but difference is, i tried really hard to control my emotions after realising what devil has consumed me. reason being, i dreaded the possibility that i'd end up like her. i didnt, and still dont want to lose a loving person due to my failure in controlling my emotions. but how hard it was during that week. i was already on verge on ditching him because his near-non-existence during my breakdown annoyed me. i despise ppl who are close to me but dare not be by my side when i'm in trouble. then spontaneously before we depart for home, i told him everything. from all the teary nights to how i dislike him being away when i really needed someone to be around. i was terrified of how i could act that time, and so i cried out of fear every night. out of fear, fear for myself. split personality? i sure hope its temporary. but i'm all good now, at least so far so good =\

to be honest, whatever there is to do with finance suffocates me. in fact, i find myself needing (but not using, yet) inhaler more and more each day. i have no idea why, and though i actually do, i hate the fact that i'm considered penniless and hence being stressed. so now there's another reason why youngsters would choose to work instead of furthering their studies: parents pressure.

before ending this long useless post, i really think i need stay away from the world for awhile. most of the ppl around me proved nuisance.

i've decided to just go penang sometime in sept regardless of being alone or not.


Music: Caught in the Moment

i want to remember what mum told my sis
"you never appreciate ppl around you til they're gone" (hah u kena balik u idiot :p)

i want to remember my journey today to send a small lunch
woke up hastily and cooked fried rice then packed nicely with extra cheesy sausages in a paper bag together with some biscuits and 3in1s. waited for a cab under the rain with my paper bag in a slightly bigger plastic bag to avoid it getting wet. took a 10bucks cab to town to take car and accelerated all the way to pj only to be demanded to find somewhere to park during fucking lunch hour to get off the car. delivered the full-of-love paper bag containing lunch and some snacks only to look at that cold face eating while taking the bag, peeped whats in and asked who cooked, thats all. asked me to sit down and eat but dearie was waiting. no smiles, no thanks-yous. i was heartbroken, shattered, but that plastered smile on my face had to stay because there were others. i was hungry, yet to have breakfast or lunch. no courtesy to even ask if i have eaten. i quickly walked off and went back to car coz i stopped at the towing area. i broke down and cried once i got into car. sobbed all the way back to town. i was thirsty, hungry, very cold, and heartbroken. i looked with my own eyes how all my efforts were washed away with the rain.

i want to remember
its a really cold day today, bloggie.

Sorry bloggie... Its been more than a month I've deserted you..

Work life.. Personal life.. and bits of everything else added up together and now is consuming me inside out.

There's so many things, if not unlimited, that I want to blog about. But due to time constraint, I'll just make sure that you, my dear bloggie, dont wither away by posting this short post for now. I believe I'll be good enough to make this weekends solely for my own? (yes yy you may have succeeded in changing my mind on this but not on black cat cushion!! :p)

I found another new bestie who actually has nearly the same attitude as me. Thank you lord for putting such a noble person in my life to always be my invisible backbone.

Right now, I need to go down and celebrate fatty flurry's *belated* birthday~ yes fatty is 4 on July 7!!! ^_^ so long for now~ pics n vids will definitely be posted =D

Love ya bloggie, hang on!