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Laney 1

I'm back again

I had not realised how long it's been since I was last on here........

So much has happened in my life, but won't go into too much detail on here about the horrible things but there has been one shining light.

I'm a grandma !!!!!!  I have the most beautiful amazing grandson (I have to say that it's in the job description)

The only draw back is that they live in China so I don't get to see them as often as I would like, but at least I get to see them, which is more than some can say.

Also I now have an ideal excuse to visit China whenever I can

This is just to say hello to all who remember me and hope to chat soon

Laney

xxx

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Beer Troubleshooting

Hope you enjoy this


 

SYMPTOM

FAULT

ACTION

Feet cold and wet.

Glass being held at incorrect angle.

Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

Feet warm and wet.

Improper bladder control.

Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

Glass empty.

Get someone to buy you another beer.

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

You have fallen over backward.

Have yourself leashed to bar.

Mouth contains cigarette butts.

You have fallen forward.

See above.

Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.

Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.

Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

Floor blurred.

You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

Get someone to buy you another beer.

Floor moving.

You are being carried out.

Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Room seems unusually dark.

Bar has closed.

Confirm home address with bartender.

Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.

Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

Cover mouth.

Everyone looks up to you and smiles.

You are dancing on the table.

Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

Beer is crystal-clear.

It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.

Punch him.

Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.

You have been in a fight.

Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.

You've wandered into the wrong party.

See if they have free beer.

Your singing sounds distorted.

The beer is too weak.

Have more beer until your voice improves.

Don't remember the words to the song.

Beer is just right.

Play air guitar.

 

 

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New year

Well It's a sorry state of affiars for me here at new year.

My son has disappeared off on his world travels (currently in HK) just leaving a trail of e-mails behind him, and of course a disaster of a bedroom.

My brother and his family are off to France for New year,

Even my Mother (who is 87) is off with her friends to spend a riotous New Year at a hotel on the coast, she has a better social life than me

So here I will be billy no mates, home alone !!!!

But look on the bright side I can stoke up the central heating, get the beers in the fridge and spend the whole day and evening all by myself (oh the peace) and have a Jet fest,

Non stop Jet  dvd's all day long all to myself  

That is unless the real thing wants to stop by !!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

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Hong Kong & Penang Part 4

Sorry for the delay but here is the next installment

The day after we went to see the orangutans we had decided to spend a day by the pool, but God had other ideas and decided to let the heavens pour the moment we had got settled on a sun lounger and all oiled up

 

We quickly ran under an umbrella to shelter and started talking to the other group hiding under there as well, they had just arrived, we were talking about a trip we had booked to go snorkeling the next day, we later found out that they spoke to the staff at the hotel and booked on the same trip as us 

After 10 mins it was clear that the rain had set in for the day so we raced up to our room quickly changed and then ran to catch the bus into Georgetown, the capital.

Georgetown

The people we had been talking to, who I have to say were a lot younger than us were amazed as they only just managed to catch the bus before it left and was sure we would have missed it, but there we were sat there on the bus already.

As we were going into the town my friend decided she was going to need more cash so took her bankcard to get money out of the “hole in the wall” (atm)

We went to the shopping centre first and if she wanted to buy anything she was borrowing cash off me until we got to the bank, so when I had run out of cash we made our way to find the bank

After the first attempt to get cash the machine said she had put the incorrect pin number in, after shouting at the machine, telling it that it was stupid she had entered the correct number, she entered it again, by this time I was nearly wetting myself laughing at her shouting at the atm.  It then again came back wrong pin number, I managed to stop her trying again telling her she would lose her card if she did, so she then decided to find a person to shout at.

As she was waving the card in the air I glanced at it and, HORROR, I realised it was MY CARD……. She then tried to crawl out of the bank as everyone was looking at her

The one thing my friend wanted to do in Georgetown was go to this posh hotel that served high tea, cucumber sandwiches the lot It is called the Eastern Oriental hotel I think, so we decided to get there in style by going on one of the many rickshaw type taxis, but the bike was at the back and you sit at the front looking at the view.

This would have been very nice but I think our driver had a death wish…. We were going along quite nicely until there was a queue of traffic in front of us going our way, so, he pulled over to the other side of the road !!! There we were sat on the front of this thing with traffic hurtling towards us and we are on the wrong side of the road.

Luckily this traffic swerved and missed us I say luckily as the driver of our contraption had no intention of veering from his course, we spent the rest of the journey with our hands covering our eyes, deep in prayer, thinking WE ARE GOING TO DIE…..

We finally got to the hotel and leapt out of the seats in record time, we later found out that these people do not need to get licenses or pass any tests to drive these on the roads. 

So we arrived at the Hotel and made our way to the tearoom to have high tea. It was really nice, I felt like I was a lady of the old British Empire

Then we came to pay, bearing in mind my cash had all gone and we had no money from the bank, my friend had said she had her credit card so would pay for the tea. She gave them the card and they came back saying they could not accept it. She started saying “but I have plenty of credit on it”, once bitten twice shy I checked her card she had produced and this was her debit card to get cash from the bank….

It was a good job I had my credit card on me to pay or we would be still there now washing up trying to pay off the debt.

 

When we came out the weather was much brighter so we decided to walk back to the hotel we needed to get to for our bus back. I have quite a good sense of direction so using that we wound our way through the streets to get back. It was nice because we were out of the main touristy part and it was very pleasant.

At one point a man came running out of a shop yelling and shouting obviously unhappy about something and took his shoes off and hurled them down the street, with people having to duck out of the way to avoid them, I think he was drunk… but as he seemed to pose no threat to us we just watched what he would do next, but he just wandered off still shouting.

All the way back through the streets those bike/taxi things kept stopping and asking us if we wanted a ride, we politely declined the offer. We then finally got some money out of my friends account and came back on the bus.

After the day we had. we decided to treat ourselves to a seafood meal that night, in a nice restaurant we had seen. WELL we sat down to order the food and I happened to mention money to my friend and she went pale… she had taken the cash out of the bank and put it in the hotel safe so yet again she had no money on her.

I said that in that case we should go to the hawker market as I did not have enough cash on me to pay for both and they did not take credit cards.

At this point the waiter, who also seemed to be part owner .saw us getting up and came over, we told him we would be back the next day. He then said we could order what we wanted and pay what we could and come back the next night and pay.

We couldn’t do this so we finally agreed that we said how much we had got and they would give us food and drink to this value. What we had came well over the value we paid, so we said we would come back in 2 days to have lobster from them, and they were going to order it in specially.

more later

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Recent Excursions

I have to do a lot of traveling in my job and have just been away for three days, In this time I have found some insights in to how driving works works.

When is a bus lane not a bus lane? When it is in London, I think I was the only car not in the bus lane while trying to find my way around London

When are you allowed to travel in the fast lane of the motorway doing only 50mph?, When you are a white van driver traveling on the M25 around London, this pillock held all the traffic up at 6pm last night, when I was trying to get home.

Why does the Sat Navs always send me to the street behind where I need to be, twice in the last 2 days it has done this to me, but then I cannot find the way to get where I need to be because there is no way through and I am on a one way system.... At one point I could see the hotel I wanted but could not find the entrance, so I ended up going twice through the Dartford Tunnel at 5pm, not a pleasant experience......

My sat nav tried to send me down a closed road with no diversions shown, and as I was trying to find a way around it kept sending me back to the closed road  

Also my sat nav loves having a joke with me, and when I switch it on it tells me what time I will arrive at my destination.........In my dreams.... I am not a slow driver but the traffic here in the UK can be terrible, for example last night I got into my car at Dartford in Kent 160 miles from home... my sat nav said it would take m,e 2hrs 40 mins, I thought then "you're having a laugh" but it eventually took me 5 hrs to get home.

Good job I have good music in my car

 

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Hong Kong part 3

There was one thing I forgot to mention about my trip to Jackies office, when I was coming out, the sliding electric gate was being opened for me to go out.

Just as the gate slid open there was a coach full of tourists stopped on the road outside, I'm sure as they saw the gates open they thought they would see someone famous come out.

Their cameras were clicking away 20 to the dozen as I walked out, I felt so silly, I bet they were thinking "Who the hell is that?", I skulked out of the gate and up the road as quick as I could.

Where was I? yes we had arrived at the hotel in Penang late in the evening we dropped off our bags and went over the road to a Hawker market to eat.

If you have not been to a Hawker market to eat it is quite an experience you sit on tables placed in the centre of a large square, all around the sides are stalls selling all types of food.

The idea is that you go and order the food from tha stalls that you want, it is nice that you can order a mixture of dishes, Indian, Chinese, Italian etc all for the same meal, you pay for the food when it arrived. The food was delicious.

We spent 2 days just lounging by the pool to recharge the batteries and on the evenings we went out for the lovely food.

On Wednesday we took a trip to see Orangutans we went over the Penang bridge, the second longest in Asia.

The orangutans were on an island, firstly we saw the older ones then the 3yr olds. There was some children in our group and they couldn't stop laughing as the one orangutan had a pee over the head of another :lol:

Later we went to see the babies in the nursery

Much later we went back to see the 3yr olds and were allowed to meet them.

No comments please about which one is the monkey

Later we went to the ECO Park, you could buy bags of food on the way in and feed the animals on the way around, the moment we stepped in there little monkeys jumped all over us after the food.

Here is a picture of a Bear Cat, I've never heard of them before

The park also had a lovely waterpark but it was not part of the tour, if we ever go again I will hire a car and spend the day there.

More later

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Guy Fawkes Night

Myself and my neighbours are putting on a bonfire tonight to Celebrate bonfire night, the actual day is Monday but as that is a school night and festivities go on late we have it on the closest Saturday.

We have a huge bonfire ready in the garden to light when it gets dark, and have been out to buy fireworks.

Its traditional to have food, normally potatoes wrapped in foil and baked in the embers of the bonfire, but most people bake them in the oven these days, but I remember having them that way as a child, all burnt on the outside and still raw in the middle. It is traditional where I live,"The Black Country" to eat Groaty Pudding, which is soaked groats, beef, leeks, onion and beef stock cooked very slowly for 16hrs in the oven

When we were young it was a much bigger event, each street had their own bonfire, and the kids living in the street had the job of going out and finding wood to build it.

I remember the 2 boys next door getting in trouble because they had taken the doors that their dad had only just taken off to sand down and repaint, he went mad when he found them on the bonfire

Mind you had to post guards on your bonfire because the kids from other streets stole your wood for their bonfire, we were lucky in our street that we had older boys who could stop up late to pinch wood and guard our bonfire

Our Fathers were the ones who bought and let off the fireworks and our mothers made the food. I remember all us kids looking forward to this night for weeks, we would be dragging back any broken branches we found for weeks before, if we wouldn't find any we would break a few.

Oh those were the days......I hope the one we have tonight will be remembered as fondly by the kids who are coming

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Satelite Navigation at its best

I travel a lot with my job and have bought a Satelite Navigation system to get me to the various places I need to go. It is wonderful and I now wonder how I managed without one,

I used to write directions on Post it notes and stick them to the dashboard, if they fell off or I was travelling in the dark I was scuppered

On wednesday this week I had to travel to a store in Charlton, on the outskirts of London. I thought that it would take me around the motorway arround London the M25 and then into London from the opposite side.

BUT NO.... It took me into the centre of London at 8am right through the middle and out the otherside.  As I was driving towards London I kept thinking, I'm sure it won't send me through the centre, I'm sure it won't ,OMG yes it is.......

I saw and passed through places I had only seen before on a Monopoly Board.  I think I went past or near to most of the railway stations 

I Just skirted the congestion charges (Phew) but as I was driving if I had turned off the road I was on I would have been hit with a charge.

God bless it ,my sat nav, it guided me wonderfully through and I didn't get lost once, but with the heavy traffic, I  just wish it had taken me the other way 

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hong Kong trip part 1

Well where do I start about my holiday to Hong Kong and Penang, the day of travelling started well, we caught the train to London and the seats we had booked were fine, we took some food and drink with us to have on this train.

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We met a woman at the station who was going on holiday but realised, luckily before the train came she had forgotten her money, so her daughter had to race to the station with it before the train came.

 

Getting across London was a bit of a bind, and we were pleased it wasn’t rush hour but we made it onto the Fast train to Gatwick.

 

Not sure if you know but this was our trip we had booked the flight business class, at the airport we went to the business class lounge where drinks and snacks are free…. You could have any drink you wanted, there was even wine in a cooler and there was somewhere to go and have a shower if you wanted it. I have found out you can pay extra at most airports and use this lounge, even if you are travelling cattle class

 

We filled our boots on this before heading for the flight, we were called first for the flight and we had chosen seats on the upper deck and they were wonderful, they came round with champagne and canapés before we took off.

 

During the flight the service was excellent and I even managed to sleep most of the way, which is very unusual for me..  I was given Chinese tea whenever I asked for it and a choice of breakfast.

 

Although I really enjoyed the experience of business class, and the special offer price we got the seats for was amazing, I’m not sure I would pay for it again the price difference would go a long way towards another trip, if I ever win the lottery it’s the only way I will travel

 

We landed a bit early in HK and I couldn’t wait to get off the plane and breathe in the air of my favourite city in the world. Being business class our cases came off first and we went to buy our Octopus Card and the train ticket into Central HK.

 

When we arrived at Central station, we were going on the MTR to our hotel, but my friend, who is a bit older than me was very tired at this point so we decided to take a taxi.

 

BIG MISTAKE… we queued for nearly an hour to get a taxi, I think it would have been quicker to have walked.

 

Once we got to the hotel we just unpacked a few things as we were only staying for 2 nights before we moved on to Penang. We then went into Wan Chai to find somewhere to eat, after just wandering around and soaking up the atmosphere for a while, we chose somewhere, it was a bit pricey but the food was ok.

 

When we came out of the restaurant to go back to the hotel we realised that we were in the red light district and outside all of the bars we passed on the way back to the trams were girls of all shapes and sizes advertising their wears, I found this hilarious and was even saying hello to most of the women but my friend is a bit straight laced and her face was a picture, I think she managed the 4 minute mile speed to get to the tram stop.

 

Sorry ni pictures of this bit but there will be as I post more about our trip.

 

Laney

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Hong Kong part 2

After a good nights sleep I woke up bright and early full of anticipation, it was my Birthday and I was going to Jackie Chan’s office for a visit and I hoped he was there and I might actually finally get to see him in real life….

I went to the MTR closest to the office and took my friend to a shopping centre close by to occupy her, she is not a MA movie fan, in fact she wouldn’t know JC or JL if she fell over them, while I went in search of the lesser spotted Chan (a rare creature).

I went into the office full of anticipation; there was a definite buzz in the air I had not seen before on my previous visit. So I was really hopeful of getting to see him.

When I spoke to Kath his web mistress I found out he was there but he was asleep and didn’t know when he was going to wake up, I stayed as long as I could but I had got to get back to my friend, as she is not good on her own, so I couldn’t stay until he woke up.

I left cursing my friend, I know it wasn’t her fault, but if she had been a bit more independent I could have called her and said make your own way back to the hotel. I’m staying until he gets up….  

We then went to Stanley Market and had a lovely lunch there and bought lots of goodies.

After that we returned to the hotel to get ready for our evening meal on the Peak. We went up to the Peak and much to my surprise THEY NOW MAKE YOU PAY 20$HK TO GO TO THE TOP.  What a rip off, I’ve never had to pay before. We ate at one of my favourite restaurants, Café Deco, it’s not cheap but the view of HK Harbour while you are eating is to die for.

The next morning we had to leave to get our flight to Penang, We were travelling to Penang via Kuala Lumpur,

When we arrived we managed to get into the wrong customs queue, instead of the transit one we were on our way into KL until someone rescued us and took us to the correct one, I think there was an alert out for 2 mad women roaming the airport trying to get out lol.

We had a long wait for our flight to Penang, about 6 hours, but we managed to transfer to an earlier flight, we were really worried that our luggage wouldn’t make it, but there it was when we landed no problem.

What we had forgotten about was that we had booked transport from the Airport to the hotel, so I go digging in my bag at Penang airport looking for the phone number Expedia had given me for the tour company picking us up.

I call them on my mobile phone  and the conversation when something like this :-

Me    Do you speak English?

Rep    A little

Me    We have arrived at the airport early as we managed to change our flight from KL

Rep    We were not expecting you until tomorrow!

Me    No we were always arriving today

Rep    I cannot call the driver out now it is too late, arrange a taxi to your hotel and we will get the rep to see you tomorrow morning.

Me     OK but will we be reimbursed for the fare?

Rep    Not sure, which Hotel are you in?

Me    Golden Sands

Rep    Where?

Me    Golden Sands

Rep     do you mean *******, (can’t remember the name she said)

Me     NO GOLDEN SANDS RESORT

Rep    We do not have a hotel in Langkawi with that name

Me    I’m not in Langkawi I’m in Penang Airport

Rep    But I’m in Langkawi

Me    This is the phone number I was given by Expedia (at this point I was losing the will to live)

Rep    But I’m in Langkawi

Me    Oh forget it we will get a taxi.

We then join a long queue for Taxis, it appears that you pay at a desk and get a voucher which you give to the driver, I think this is a good system it stops you being ripped off.

While waiting in the queue a man comes up to us saying our name, the girl from Langkawi had called the office in Penang, who called him to say we had arrived early.

We had to wait for our transport to arrive, which wasn’t a problem but the airport was DRY.. No beer….. I had to drink Tea……

The moment we arrived at the hotel it was throw the bags in and go for a meal and a drink.

I’ll write about that later

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Just when you thought it was safe..... I'm back ...Read more

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