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• note to a recovering nice guy..

  Monday, Apr 21, 2008 3:15AM / Standard Entry / Members only
  1 comment

  
  i came across this rant which was actually posted on Craigslist personals.
  
  

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  Date: 2007-11-19, 3:52AM PST
  
  I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.
  
  What happened to all the nice guys?
  
  The answer is simple: you did.
  
  See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.
  
  At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavīor was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
  
  Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"
  
  Well, once again, you did.
  
  You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.
  
  Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
  
  So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:
  
  1.) Build a time machine.
  2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
  3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.
  
  I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
  
  If you were five years younger.
  
  So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.
  
  Sincerely,
  A Recovering Nice Guy
  
  

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  when i first read this, i actually felt kinda bad 'cause i do sympathize with the situation.  But then on second thought upon finishing the post, all my sympathy just turned right into annoyance and pity.  this "recovering nice guy" who's probably turned into an "asshole" now obviously does not know what he is talking about and is just rambling on with his bitterness.  yes it's true that guys do get screwed over sometimes by women, but who ever said that women never get screwed over by "assholes"!?  what this guy is implying is that women go out looking for assholes to screw themselves over with while he maintains his innocence.  And then to ridicule an entire gender for not taking responsibility is just simply infuriating.  women get screwed over by assholes, and you probably got screwed over by a bitch.  so if there are "nice guys" then there must be "nice girls" who now needs to turn into a "bitch" because you happened to her.
  
  my thought to this guy is, you probably deserved all of it.
  
  first of all, with all the negative resentment and biased opinions towards women, that's probably exactly why they keep screwing you over.  or maybe i shouldn't even call it screwing over, because its not.  they're just separating themselves from a guy with too much baggage than he can handle, and women just don't want to deal with that, because frankly, we have our own baggage to lug around without having to tend to yours.
  
  second, if a women just isn't attracted to you, she just isn't attracted to you.  it's not because she's a bitch or anything, it's just because.  maybe you're not her type; or maybe she just knows she's not yours.  or like i've mentioned before, maybe there' s just something fundamentally wrong with your personality and/or mentality that just pushes her away.  any which way, maybe it's just simply you and not her.  why don't you take some responsibility for yourself instead of blaming someone for not returning your feelings, because needless to say, there is no right or wrong when it comes to feelings and she is not wrong for not feeling the same way as you did.
  
  so next time before you blame a woman, think about how many assholes have screwed her over before she met you and take some responsibility for why you're just so unlikeable.