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Where did the inspiration go
Wednesday, Oct 28, 2009 2:57AM / Standard Entry / Members only
15 comments
     When I was around 12 or 13 I saw the most inspirational movie I had ever seen...in a non martial arts/action hero sort of way. While up to that point I had always wanted to be a Ninja/Bruce Lee/Superman hybrid I had never really considered wanting to be a romantic...or a great lover. I mean I was only 13. I knew what sex was since I was 4-ish, I saw my first naked girl when I was 3, first full nude woman (other than family members) also at 3. My neighbor used to make me take baths with her 2 and 8 year old daughters...I would sit in the back and cover my privates while they just played in the bath tub. I have a feeling they thought I was too young to think anything about it...but the image is still clearly burned into my memory. You would think something like that would make me less shy. I mean I was nude taking baths with other nude females since I was little...but nope if anything it probably just made me more shy. Not to mention I had a huge crush on the 8 year old.

     Anyway that was a random tangent about an old story. Back to the main point. When I was 13 I saw "Don Juan DeMarco" staring Johnny Depp and Marlon Brando. The story of the man who thought he was the greatest lover in the world... and the people who tried to cure him of it. In the movie Johnny Depp was Don Juan, the greatest lover ever. The movie starts off with him basically making a girl have an orgasm at a restaurant just by talking to her and playing with her fingers. He inspired me to strive to become the greatest lover. To become the most romantic I could be. He was the source of my goal to find a way to make a girl have an orgasm just from kissing her (which is obviously an impossible goal, but hey why not strive for the impossible?). I think I only saw the movie once back then but it definitely had a huge impact on me.

     Later in high school, during drama class we had to chose plays for some exercise. So with my group I chose a scene from the play "Don Juan DeMarco" expecting it to be a similar story. While Don Juan was still a great lover, it was more a tale of the greatest player of all time. The Johnny Depp version was all about love and devotion AND being able to please your girl (hey like how I tied that back to the other blog? heh). Doing the scene from the play made me a little sad my hero was based on a jerk not a devoted lover and great man. Time went on and I slowly drifted away from my old goals.

     Even my aspiration of being as pure and good as possible (reference to Superman) drifted away over time. Lots of bad happened and I became bitter, jaded, scared and depressed. That allowed the darkness to come in. Darkness that fills your heart and soul and changes who you are. It's kind of sad looking back on the time wasted letting myself lose track of old desires and goals. While I could have continued to strive to be the greatest person/lover/hero of all time I just slipped into mediocrity. I'm not talking about judging my own sexual capabilities. I think it's pretty impossible to judge that actually. When you're with someone who likes/loves you of course they will tell you you are the best ever, and once you break up they will tell everyone you were the worst ever...it's just how it goes. Some might do the opposite, some might tell the truth, but how can you be sure when it's the truth or they're just being kind and not wanting to hurt your feelings?

     But striving to be the best you can be? There is nothing wrong with that, and in fact I think it should be encouraged of everyone. Not just in love/sex/romance but in all aspects of life. Just as long as it's not at the expense of others.

Entry comments (15)

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Justice Vancho
posted on Monday, Nov 2, 2009 3:06PM

Mai - Plausible deny ability heh.

JRS - Motivation is definitely difficult. I try to keep myself motivated daily, but it's no easy task.

Ms. S - Awwwww heh.

Aish - Yep I was early corrupted. But because of it I grew up weird. Like you know when boys get interested in porn at the begining of puberty? I was just interested in the anatomy, physiology and biology behind everything heh.

Moon - Yep I love that movie...might watch it again tonight.
moonchild72
posted on Monday, Nov 2, 2009 12:00PM [Report]

Don Juan de Marco WAS a cute movie ~ can't believe it was only rated PG-13 :P
Aisha89
posted on Thursday, Oct 29, 2009 9:58PM [Report]

WOW! dude...u were corrupted at such a young age~
I agree with JRS.

I haven't watcjed that movie..i might check it out since I love Johnny Depp~
MissScarlett
posted on Thursday, Oct 29, 2009 11:07AM [Report]

It's OK :) I hide it well, but, in some realms, I'm uber sensitive. I was moved...
JRS
posted on Thursday, Oct 29, 2009 6:20AM [Report]

Oh, I love Depp as Don Juan DeMarco....  ::drifts away thinking of several scenes from the movie::

Okay...I really think you've been hanging around the wrong women.  Really.  You can strive to be the best in any field but it takes dedication...not just to start but every single moment.  It's tough to stay motivated and it's important not to beat yourself up if you get off track.

And....there is no real test of good or bad because it's completely up to the people enjoying the time they have together.  It's a shame that you let the negative words scar you so.  You need to believe that you are a beautiful person who deserves to be loved and respected.
babymai
posted on Thursday, Oct 29, 2009 5:43AM [Report]

dont deny! i saw it ;p harry potter was ur inspiration or something like that ;p jk
Justice Vancho
posted on Thursday, Oct 29, 2009 5:28AM

Mai - Harry Potter photo?

Ms. S - Heh crying was definitely not an anticipated reaction. Great movie...I think I'm going to watch it again today. Darkness is definitely a necessity in life, just like sadness and pain. Just can't let yourself become overwhelmed by any of them.
babymai
posted on Thursday, Oct 29, 2009 5:11AM [Report]

yep ur crazy alrite lol jk actually its a good thing :D u've been eating good nutritions to feed ur brain ;p oh that explains the harry potter photo lol
MissScarlett
posted on Thursday, Oct 29, 2009 5:11AM [Report]

*clap!* *clap!* *clap!* *clap!* *clap!*
Wow. Noble words from a noble heart. (you made me cry...)

Don't let the world steal your inspiration, your goals. And, if you loose site of them, they're worth fighting your way back to! Remember, without darkness, how can you know light?

P.S. I remember that movie. Every couple, every single(!) needs to see it...
Justice Vancho
posted on Wednesday, Oct 28, 2009 8:21PM

Jaine - Ah you called me Justin hehe jk. I don't think dark days are wasted either.  I think it was a waste in my case that I let my dark days take over and manipulate me for so long (a few years).

Jac - Heh I dunno if keeping the goals you had as a kid is all that important.  Some people want to be random ass things as kids hehe.  But in general when you have a goal at any age losing it due to letting yourself be overcome is a sad thing.  And as an artist I definitely believe dark/bad times in our lives are great. In one way at least it helps to bring out some beautiful ideas.  If everything is good we lose touch of what makes them good.

Marie - Yep, as long as you remember to get back up and start fighting again.  Otherwise what doesn't kill you will just slowly kill you hehe.  But that's just being negative, I do like that quote a lot too.  Used to use it a lot myself.

Mai - Yeah my memory is crazy.  I remember specific dates, times, events that happened years ago.  And years 3-5 I can kind of remember pretty much everything that happened.

Jo - Like I said to someone else, the dark times definitely help create a better person.  Just as long as you eventually come out of the dark times.  Some people get stuck there and never make it back.  Love is still a mystery to me, only felt it once and then it was gone...thought if you love it should stick around but guess I was wrong. I feel no sympathy for players haha.  Sometimes I feel a little empathy for them though, I do understand that some of them can't understand themselves which is what makes them do what they do.  But too many do what they do just for self gratification not caring about anything.  Although even for them I feel a little bad I guess because I know one day they will realize they are missing something and feel pain.  Pain sucks.  I always used to get made fun of for being too old.  I grew up around all adults, never had any kids around my age around me.  When I was 18 my semi gf then told me she felt like she was with a 50 year old guy heh.
JoanneSanderson
posted on Wednesday, Oct 28, 2009 7:26PM [Report]

I find it is the darker times that make me who I am rather than the moments of happiness and I m quite grateful to them, granted I'm completely bitter and twisted but I don't get hurt anywhere near as much. It is quite a sad moment to look back at our goals and desires that have gone long ago.

I think with love, the most comfortable relationships are the completely honest ones, something may not be the best they've ever experienced and they'll say so if they feel totally at ease with their partner, besides it can be fun to learn how to get the best from one another.

I often feel sorry for players, I think they are quite lonely people and in a sordid way, the ability to know you have the power to hurt another but at the same time you can make them feel great is a way to ease their own soul and loneliness.

You grew up far quicker than any lads I knew, I truly believe that lads become more aware of differences far quicker than girls. I used to hate the saving on the bath water by dropping 4 kids in one tub,my sister learned quickly to fart in order to get space.
babymai
posted on Wednesday, Oct 28, 2009 7:00PM [Report]

O_O...~_~...O_O...~_~...O_O oooh u've been thinking a lot? ;p
yep ur rite and i dont disagree on any of it. we do tend to put our childhood goals aside as we grow up/older, end up doing something opposite from what we planned. oh yea if i was to still have all my elementary/middleschool/highschool letters about our goal was and what we see ourselves doing... heh i would slap those letters in my face. i guess we just flow with the enviroment we're in. usually going with what interest most ppl.. i guess.
ahaha cute little story u have there about ur bath with the 2 little girls. a lot ppl tend to lose memories of childhood, especially around 1-7yrs old they hardly remember anything about those times. i still remember playing with my mom's hair when she tries to put me to sleep when i was 1 all the way to 4yrs old. loved her hair :D i try not to lose any memories because one day i'm going to miss it.
Marie Jost
posted on Wednesday, Oct 28, 2009 7:54AM [Report]

Well said.

I always remember this saying they have in Spanish when "bad" things happen to me: Whatever doesn't kill you just makes you stronger.
jacishere
posted on Wednesday, Oct 28, 2009 5:36AM [Report]

I think you're right that when bad things happen, we tend to lose focus of our goals and them slip into mediocrity, I have to say it's happened to a lot of people I know, including myself. But sometimes I think b/c of those bad experiences, we're able to come out stronger and also wanting to strive to be better so I think those bad experiences aren't all that bad when put into perspective. I mean if everything was smooth sailing all the time, we would probably be enjoying life so much that we end up staying in mediocrity anyways and not wanting to do better. I mean if we're already having so much fun why strive to be better right?

But yes, don't forget your goals that you set when you were a kid. Do your best!
Jaine
posted on Wednesday, Oct 28, 2009 5:04AM [Report]

very true Justin, all we can do is be the best person we can be

I always find the interpretations of Don Juan as a great player and as opposed to a great lover rather depressing.

I think that most people go through dark days, I don't think they are wasted, I think they are part of the journey that helps shape who we are. If you hadn't had them you couldn't empathise with others (going through darkness) or appreciate your values now as much (in my opinion anyhu).

I'm glad you are back on track, your goals are most noble and worthy

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Justice Vancho

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正義番長 Mao toi la viet (dunno the tones heh)...
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正義番長 Mao toi la viet (dunno the tones heh)

A poor struggling artist trying to live his own way in a confined business run world.

Hmm about me huh? Well my story isn't for the weak of heart. Actually it probably isn't for anyone, because it's probably really boring. So I'll just go over some aspects.

Born in Manhattan New York. We lived in Queens, Brooklyn and eventually moved over to Jersey before heading out to California where my mom was from. We'd end up moving every couple of years because rent would go up and we couldn't afford to stay where we were.

I started learning martial arts from my father when I was about 4 years old, he's a 3rd degree black belt in Japanese JiuJitsu so he taught me the basics. He got tired of teaching though and sent me to sign up at the local Tae Kwon Do school. Every time we'd move I'd have to sign up at a new school, usually learning a new style as well. I stuck through doing martial arts at least 3-6 days a week up until the day I turned 18. Lots of the time I had wanted to quit, because giving up my days to train and tire myself out while other kids were just home goofing off or hanging out and so on seemed like a waste to me. But after I turned 18 I was off to college where I began teaching a weird TKD/Karate mix to elementary school kids all across the San Jose area up north. Teaching the kids was a lot of fun, one of my favorite jobs ever. Had to go through a lot because parents didn't like a kid teaching their kids, but after a while I'd have the parents asking me to teach them. I did that for a couple years but hadn't really trained myself in 3 or so years, until I joined a WuShu school back down in San Diego. I trained pretty good there for about a year, then got the chance to go to Beijing to train WuShu out there. My first day there though I ended up ripping my Achilles tendon and had to quit training for good pretty much. I fell into a bit of depression thinking my martial arts life was over, Achilles injuries always seemed the worst to me, and Martial Arts had always been a big part of my life. I haven't ever gotten my foot completely fixed, so still hurts like hell everyday, but much less than it used to. I couldn't walk for at least over 6 months, and couldn't walk properly for almost 2 years. The injury happened about 4 years ago, back in 2004. About 6 months ago I started training a lot again and now I'm back on track to where I want to be. Although my skill level has dropped significantly and I'm embarrassed for people to see me, especially people who knew me before my injury and before I was 18 heh.

That's my Martial Arts history, now for my acting one heh.

At around 10-12 I began an acting career. It didn't really get anywhere because I looked "too young" according to all the casting directors I would go see. I got a couple small things, but nothing significant. Then I had to drop my agent, who took advantage of me anyway, and had to start focusing on school. Later when I was about 16-17 I tried to get back into it again with a new passion and drive. I almost got a couple leading roles on tv shows, but this time I was too old heh. Then I had the opportunity to get on some high school drama show, but I was leaving for college then and my parents told me college was more important. So I left. Acting had to go on the back burner for a while. I tried once or twice to get back into it in the later years, but never had the opportunity or had to back out before I could really pursue it. Now I'm driven more than ever and on my way back to the life of acting and trying to get myself recognized. With the help of some friends, learning new acting techniques and getting some tips on where I should start and how I should approach the whole thing. Acting as an adult seems, so far anyway, much different from acting as a child. Exciting and scary it's the path I've chosen and the one I'll be on forever hopefully.

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
Abraham Lincoln
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Occupation: Actor
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