LMF

    I’m feeling quite emotional today. I had been having sleeplessness night and I can’t really concentrate during the day. I felt so unsecure, why I don’t know why. Things aren’t what they seem to be. My father had been unemployed for more than half a year. Worse, it seems like he was not trying hard to find one. He went for a few interviews and he even tries working for some time. Guess what, the sometime is only for a day. After working a day, what he will say is “this job doesn’t suits me.”

    What the hell is that?! Can I say that what I’m doing no doesn’t suits me as well? I had lost my way. I don’t know what I am doing now. I mean what is the purpose of me going to school now. I find that I just went to class daily to slack. I don’t know how to explain, is like, I just go to school for the sake of going. My life right now is like a stagnate water. It doesn’t move. It just continues to be like this. Every day is like a routine. Is not like I don’t like routine but it just pisses me off.

     Well, I know that most of my stress and burdens are self-imposed. I just can’t relax. There are still so much things I need and I want to do but I just got no time. Seriously 24 hours a day is not enough. Just going to school, more than half a day has gone.  I keep hoping for better things and this made me felt that I am greedy. I’m trying to convince myself that I should be happy with what I have.

     Through these days, I am starting to have a clear understanding of my true desires. My true desire is I want to have what I want, regardless of what. I love being surrounded by people I love. I love the attention I’m getting. I love shopping. I love reading books. I love watching movies. There are many things I desire for and I truly want it. I want all of them no matter what. However, the good and happy things that I got or happened to me always had to come to an end.

This week FRIENDS gathering was at my placed. Agnes cannot make it, so only Desmond and Daniel came over. Through this short holiday, I realise that I really need my FRIENDS with me, those who I love and love me with me. I can’t live without FRIENDS now! What to do Des and Dan? We can laugh and talked for hours like I'd known you forever. Though we only play hotel 626, watched two movies and talked, I’m happy as I had fun! Indeed, there was no fun without FRIENDS!!

PS: Chocolate waffles had caused me to gain weight!!

But I still want to try this!

Chocolate Fudge Waffle Mix in Canister

Yesterday went back to amk with WB to find 老大and WL. Then we went to North point to eat. I miss them badly. But after meeting them, the feeling was different. I can’t explain, just feel so different. Well, it was really true that nothing stay unchanged. Everything is changing consistently.  It is just the matter of time.

Anyway, I just don’t know why I kept feeling so empty. It was like my body is missing something. It always does. I’m longing for something. Searching hard for it and I know I never find it. Because I don’t know what that thing I was actually looking for.

2009 Updates!!

Good and bad news to share!!

First bad news is my English grade is not very ideal and I will be retaking it this year. Good news is I managed to get in to Republic Polytechnic (RP)!! The course I’m taking is Pharmaceutical Science.

Second good news is I spent my long break before school starts, working at a retail shop, Mini Toons. I had made many new friends and I really do love them. They let me understand what friends really are. They made me feel lots of feelings that I never felt before. The bad news is after school start I had left them.

The few weeks when I left the “zone” where I love and comfortable with to my new school, RP, I really can’t adapt to it.  I can’t adapt to this new zone, new teaching and learning method, new friends, and new system. Just everything, everything is so new to me. It is too new that I hate every part of it.  

I began to recall back the past life in SLSS. I really do miss it. I miss every part of it, of course except for PE. The rest of it, I miss it badly. I miss the time I spent with 老大, WL, Nini, WB, jian long, Cheryl. I really miss it badly. I want to go back to the past. I don’t know am I sleeping in the night or actually lost in the dreams with them.

The first few weeks will really a torture. I really cannot get along with most of my teammates. And to make it worse, RP is PBL system and it sucks! We got a almost 2 hours break to prepare powerpoint slides for the third meeting presentation. I tell you, the routine is same for every other day, at the third meeting every team got to do a presentation of what they had learnt for that day. Lucky, 老大 call me a few time, when I’m really need someone I love to be with. I always hold back my tears while chatting with them on the phone.  I can’t live without them.

Last good news to share is I just came back from my class chalet. I never thought it will be that fun. Through this chalet, I find that I can get along rather well with some of that like Frazd, Huda, Fin, Helmi, Kenneth Ng, Alicia, Cheryl and Thomas (ang mo). I suddenly can’t wait for school to start!

Last bad news is I step on my Dictionary and it broke again, the condition was like my PSP.

Oh God! Why nowadays Malaysia is always faster then Singapore?!

First, Malaysians get to watch Hot Shot before Taiwan even finish it!

Second, Malaysians gets to watch the most epic romance since Titanic, Twilight!

Thirdly, Malaysians can get their driving license at the age of 17!

Argh…Shihyin asked me whether I wanted to go to Malaysia.

Haha…I don’t think so. Though been a Malaysian had lots of benefits, I still want to live in Singapore. I’m proud to be a Singaporean! We might not get to watch the latest movie but we have the best security, PEACE.

Our government is the best too. Our law is fair.

This is how I really think of. Sigh, I can’t watch Twilight on 18 Dec too! I cannot take leave on Christmas Period, got to work.

Sigh, sigh, sigh.