Announcement
- A SciFi-Kobe-Steak dangling over voracious, carnivore-lizards with razor-sharp teeth!
Blog entry
-
DUQU VIRUS PART OF LADY GA GA OPS
Saturday, Mar 24, 2012 10:46PM / News / Hollywood Gossip / Members only
1 comment
Below are a series of shocking cable intercepts uncovered by ROOTERS REPORTS.
_________________________________________________________________________
Will she tour with Arab Springsteen & Jazz-Men Resolution?
ROOTERSJBB
First it was Algeria, then Egypt, then Libya and afterwards... almost the entire stack of trick-po-po-poker cards have started collapsing in the Middle East. In Tehran and Damascus, Lady Ga Ga collectables are now ingeniously bugged and continuously monitored by the NSA.CIA insiders are now positive that the incredible success of top-secret LADY GAGA Concert-Ops throughout the Middle East (which have entertained and enthralled its highly frazzled, sexually-frustrated despots) is one of the greatest accomplishments of the century.
LGO (Lady Gaga Ops) is said to have utilized 3rd generation THMM- Trance Hypnotism Melody Manipulation as was originally researched by psychologist Carl Jung and MIT under a DOD grant in the early 70s.
Printed by permission from: Sneaky Sihks, Punjab, India.
The government's of Iran, Syria and Yemen were the victims of a sophisticated hack-attack mounted by "western entities", The operation- code-named MOONSHADOW involved the internet broadcast of a digitally designed (and fictitious) concert featuring former pop star Cat Stevens and current pop-singer/musician Lady Ga Ga.
Thousands of unwitting government employees in those countries downloaded the concert by way of a government computer- ushering the virus into their agency hard-drives. The concert was the creative work of 2 artists recently fired from PIXER and the R&D giant S4W (Stealth For Wealth).
Reportedly, MOONSHADOW successfully retrieved prime targeting info which allowed them to detonate a munitions depot outside of Tehran by way of satellite laser technology.
Experts with Jane's Defense Weekly believe that the DVDs were triggered to detonate via a satellite-command base in Hollywood DC. According to one anonymous source, each of the DVDs were part of a package-set-promotion containing a large bottle of a specially designed moisturizer cream designed to exponentially increase the explosive nature of the DVDs.
In a secret meeting with intelligence insiders under the Virginia hills- President Obama expressed praise and thanks to LGO concerts. He noted how the secret ops have caused the minds of many Middle Eastern tyrants to unravel- causing a spring of hope to have sprung.
It has been theorized that after having attended the secret concerts, which are believed to fetch as much as $10,000,000 per ticket- the despots long to become sexpots. It is then believed that their much higher level of testosterone causes them to make more blunders and Crash decisions which invariably further alienate the masses of religiously oppressed and sexually warped and frustrated men in their country. The climate for revolt is then increased exponentially.
Cynics may describe the uprisings of the Middle East as a Bad Romance gone draconian, while others say... Let's Dance!
GOOGLE SEARCH: DOMINO-LA-LA EFFECTS OF LADY GAGA OPS!
_________________________________________________________________________The DOMINO-LA-LA Effect of GAGA OPS!
ROOTERS
JBB
Only a few- know the truth behind what is now being referred to within the sound-vacuumed discussion rooms of the DC area as... The DOMINO-LA-LA EFFECT.
The chaotic media scramble in recent days revolves around deep and probing questions which continue to wildly undulate.
But just how did the corporate-raider antics of legendary music-producer-Svengali- Irving Azoff almost blow the cover on what the CIA now wants to claim is their biggest, most successful PSY-OP to date?
What was first only intended to be a mega-publicity stunt for an Arab condom company has turned into a world-wide scandal which may topple most of the world's evil despots by this time next week!
The sexy-controversial-pop-disco-diva-extraordinaire- commonly known as Lady GaGa is restructuring the world as we know it- but only a select group of intelligence insiders are privy to this amazing information! What is even more hard to believe- intelligence agencies from A to Z are currently attempting to take all the credit! The world's most well connected, entertainment moguls- many of whom bare surnames which reflect the shine of mountains of gold and silver- could not have anticipated such an immense promotional exploit-become seed of revolution and world-change!
How could analysts of the US government, with its seemingly limitless access to resources and usury-level loans from Communist China have not foreseen the potentially devastating social, political and economic ramifications of Lady GaGa!
"Whowoodah thought dat suchathink could-ah-wood-ah happened already?" Said one top entertainment mogul who asked that his name not be printed.
Well placed FBI and Interpol sources with their thumbs to the pulse of entertainment related remittances of large sums that are occasionally wired to banks in the Middle-East- sometimes even owned by a dictator, monarch or despotic regime- are now- at least attempting to sort-out the first pieces of a frustrating puzzle.
To be continued in tomorrow's edition. ________________________________________________
GAGA OPS FOUNDER GRANTS INTERVIEW!
Rooters
April 3, 2011.
One unique individual who used to refer to himself as a chronically underpaid generalist in Whadeva, living in an area of the world known as Uhbroad- has now granted an exclusive interview with ROOTERS in regard to the top-secret, franchise-style, international mega-concert scheme for which he is the puppet master of.
The scheme- which has proven to be a Trojan Horse of sorts in the Mid-East- apparently sells concert promotion rights and 50% of the profits to all the world despots he can manage to attract. These secret concerts, may prove to be the most significant cause for recent, wide-spread revolt in the Mid-East to date.
The founder- who declines from giving his real name or even a nickname, states that,
"The concerts require an extensive background profile and psychological evalution of the target despots. Men such as Gadhafi, Mubarak, Ahmamenajad, Iran's Ayatolah, his feeble, pencil-necked, puppet on a string- Bashar al-Assad, and even Kim Jong Il all share similar problems and needs: times of lonely isolation from security concerns, a desperate need to tow-the-line or be run over by the same oppressive juggernaut they pretend to control, and exercise sexual prowess as a metaphor of demi-god-like grandeur.
Their potpourri of conflicting needs and insecurities lines them up as the rightful victims of a network of spy-cams which the concerts secretly point their way from props within the performances on-stage. The sexually charged and thus scandalous activities which the mini-cams record, insures the political doom of respective despots who attend the concert- all of whom- upon learning a bribe must be paid to keep film footage from being released are doomed to wreck their entire national budget.
The chief editor of Rooters stated that the Lady GaGa Ops create the perfect blackmail situation for evil despots who have been essentially blackmailing their own people for years! It essentially becomes a check mate situation of either "pay up or step down and get crushed."
_______________________________________________________________
AT THE READER'S REQUEST:
MORE UPDATES ON LADY GAGA OPS
The dilemma which despots face when nailed by GaGa Ops is as real as the far reaching geopolitical effects. GaGa Ops has the potentiality of opening the flood gates of an Extortion Tsunami that will sweep through the Mid-East and the world!
Extortion attempts from within the despots ranks are also created, as well as marital problems that occur quickly after the concert. Wives begin to disappear into the night. Other activities to risque and gruesome to mention, create the kind of negative publicity that would wreck the innermost ranks of any regime.
After weeks of prodding, ROOTERS has managed to arrange a 2nd meeting with the reclusive and nameless founder of Lady GaGa Ops.
Q: Stories have begun spreading about some kind of secret concerts which Arab and Persian despots are requesting. Shortly after these secret concerts are held, angry mobs start calling for a new, democratic government! What's going on? Is there any truth to this story? Are you somehow involved?
A: "High tech is now doing what the CIA never had the creative capacity, or finances to really accomplish, but they are still trying to take all the credit to accrue more Congressional funding despite- what savvy accountants are calling- "indirectly direct" earnings- from what were thought of years before as support-operations that accidentally turned into thriving, highly profitable corporations.
PSYOPS- Psychological Operations- are designed to manipulate the psychological framework of target individuals- or even an entire society- in order to manipulate disobedience and distrust of a target regime.
2 CIA operatives, that claim to have attended secretive parties within the chiseled-stone-luxury of a cavern-studio apartment located underneath the doomsday chambers and vaults of Maryland, have come forth to describe their accidental brush with GaGa Ops, but fell short of developing any theories regarding the scientist who some now believe is connected to the Ops. The secret government scientist is believed by some to have disappeared after a bout of depression caused by bad romance, while others claim he has been permanently removed from civil records in order to fulfill a new contract at a government R&D zone known as Area 52.
In related stories, some intelligence analysts now believe that the scientist who allegedly developed a secret thought reading device, may be related to Lady GaGa.
________________________________________________________________
HIGH TECH & HIGH SEX BABYLON-STYLE
ROOTERS
April 3, 2011.
Compassionate angels of truth armed with high technology and satellite connections are stirring up wide spread moral awareness by way of social media platforms that promote near instantaneous understanding, awareness, empathy and action world-wide!
International communications are tearing down the walls of religious idiocy, nepotism, and political tyranny and not just in Texas and Wisconsin! Now those who traditionally huddled in fear behind closed doors can be armed with a lap-top or other micro-computer device which betrays the presence of doors! Those who were naively assigned the role of enemy- can now eagerly prove their humanity, ply their dreams and mold them into formation for all to benefit from!
It reads like a Ray Bradbury prediction of a distant future, but as a catch phrase dropped in the film re-make of the classic story The Time Machine bares to mind,... The Future Is Now!
.
Almost immediate communication stirs the hope of immediate and fundamental change for anyone with NO training in firearms, NO training in ballistics and NO training in any convoluted, blindly patriotic, doctrines of deception. Anyone can now dare to change their world with amazing speed at little risk to themselves.
ROOTERS salutes the courageous spirit of free expression and (what is left of) the American Bill of Rights- for the fundamental role they have played in the development of personal computers with creative and compassion-friendly design- that work like so many magic wands in the hands of Mother Earth's children. ________________________________________________________________
A Squeaky-Leak indicates Tweets Re: GAGA OPS.
Rooters
April 4, 2011.
The very complex just bombed by US Tomahawk missiles, sat 200 meters above the underground area which sported a top-secret, disco performance with sexy performances that surpassed the ancient antics of Gilgamesh or Babylon.
GaGa Ops- unheard of by the top brass in the Pentagon and the top tweed in Langley- is now the hushed buzz of conversations regarding the escalation of Mid-East conflicts. It is the secret ingredient to all the unrest and frustration which has been building.
Famous sociologist and economist, Mueff N. Lickein recently noted that,...
"Often times grassroots movements about freedom and equal rights are really about nothing more than how impoverished and disenfranchised people are going to feed their family of ten. It's a reflection of oppression meets overpopulation....
...Arab men like most men- (which is true in two ways) gain some temporary sense of power and freedom from sex. However, women in the Arab world have little, or no voice. As a result, they have no alternative to cranking out babies like a gum-ball machine in a bankrupt K-mart."
In his most famed socioeconomic text on world leaders- Depression Is A Limp Penis- Muff N. Lickein went on to state that, "Despots are like junkies and will do anything to embellish their image to preserve the flow of whatever it is that he thinks is keeping him in power. Fear and intimidation with smiles and waves works really well being that the common denominator that defines most countries in the world is that of utter stupidity..."
"...Despots are so into themselves they cannot their own vertical stick for the trees. It is no surprise that they all miscalculate how social media now works in a modern world they have not yet entered. They lack any understanding of the passions which compel youth today to seek intimacy in a world of graceless imitations via social media networks which work as high-tech metaphors of the graffiti strewn wall of a restroom along some endless stretch of highway forever lost on a hopelessly faded, Texas road map in 1929..."
________________________________________________________________
GAGA OPS FOUNDER AGREES TO MEET!
The Baghdad Rag
March 28, 2011.
One man realized that the average despot and tyrants crazed ambition for power was a direct result of extreme sexual frustration! He realized how they long to embrace iconic women that they can never obtain without force or extremely high payments as bribery. He reflected on Gadhafi's checkered past and unsung success as the temporary, ghost-actor-double for Mr. Brady in the situation comedy of the late 60's known as the Brady Bunch.
Gadhafi's Hollywood downfall was the result of his ravenous desire to grope and caress the budding Brady boys on and off set. A law suit which ended in a secret out-of-court settlement compelled the suddenly defunct Arab-actor to provide secret members of Hollywood's movie mafia with untold millions of barrels of crude oil identified only as Film Props on freighter in the waters off of Los Angele's Customs checkpoint..
Other this long aside, he came back into focused and recalled his chance meeting with Lady GaGa after he had been accidentally bumped from Economy Class to 1st Class while flying Cathay Pacific- and how that had helped him to formulate the concept of the secretive operations.
In a soon coming, exclusive interview with ROOTERS , the founder of GAGA OPS shyly and humbly confesses how after the fateful Cathay Pacific flight combined with his reading of Muef N. Lickein's works- and a couple of very strong joints- he fell into a trance like state, seemingly possessed by multidimensional images of nubile women writhing all around while disco sound tracking pirated from futuristic Persona Software, subtly fused within an iEno conclusion-transformer generated event-chamber using crowd calculus navigation patterns that establish emotional and psycho sexual perimeters when a male-crowd-field is targeted within the illicit fog of surreality and obsession.
_________________________________________________________
INFORMANTS NOW WISH TO BE CALLED "?"
Rooters
March 26, 2011.
? continued by adding that. "the money aspect of the concerts came to me in the form of a question: How can I cash in on some of the world's most corrupt leaders?
The PsyOps aspect of the concerts came later. These are all guys that for one reason or another- are simply not going to be around much longer. If there own people don't kill them- their own wild imaginings will.
So, the basis of the concerts became simply: Take them for as much as I possible can and then expedite their demise.".."It's kind of like the way the DEA and other government agencies do business isn't it?"
Q: HOW DID YOU DECIDE ON CONCERTS FOR 50 DESPOTS?
A: Well, it sounded like a really good album title. No, it sounded like the name of a good midnight movie when stoned. No, it sounded like the name of some bad Zombie-mini-series by Quentin Terrortino- slated for late-night community TV in 1982 that you watch just as an excuse to pour honey all over some girl you invited over who looks way too hot in hot pants.
* * *
To be continued in our 2nd ROOTERS series of the day.
________________________________________________________________
March 26, 2011.
ROOTERS
Concerts For Despots!
I began to think of the concerts as a very expensive sending-off party to the world's 50 top desperado-despots as they dangle precariously at the edge of their own bottom-less pits. But none of this would have been possible had the US not given blind, rubber-stamp endorsement to ruthless people with no level of accountability or true evaluation. They're so busy looking one direction giving countless lectures on human rights, that they never have the time or interest to see (or perhaps care?) that many of the world's tyrants are being supported by the US."
I knew I had stumbled onto something really grand when "by chance "Irving Asoff happened to sit next to me in the economy section of a Gulf Air fright from northern Iraq to Bangkok. I noticed there was something Napoleonic about the guy. At first,
I thought it might be Roman Polanski, but Polanski is a bit taller. I knew Irving Asoff's legendary pension for squeezing into tight spaces- such as living out of parked cars to save a buck or two"..."but he kept asking me pointed details about
my horrible experiences with Seibu-Saison Promotions in Tokyo- and what I was REALLY doing in Iraq.
What really blew the lid off though was- the way he was getting first class cabin food delivered to him there next to me in Economy Class and how he took half bites of many things and hid the rest inside the In-Flight magazine or under his chair. I knew from stories I heard from entertainment insiders that it had to be Asoff- the producer of Steely Dan and the Eagles- two of my long time favorite music groups".
TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT EDITION
________________________________________________________________
How did you get Lady GaGa for this Musical-Political Omnibus?
INTERVIEW WITH FOUNDER OF LADY GAGA CONTINUED FROM THE LAST EDITION:
Months after I installed some iSpyware into my iShoe- I began to realize some desperate individual (with a residence in Malibu) was homing in on my emails, etc.
I paid an out-of-work taxi driver from Oklahoma City just enough money to go to Hollywood and live in the Roosevelt Hotel elevator or something. After he successfully posed as a flower delivery guy to her stated delivery address on Valentine's Day of 2010.
The flowers were bugged and gave me all the ammo I needed to get a positive ID on her. As it turns out, the poor dear was very ashamed and distraught. She had been nursing a crush on me for years and what with her busy concert tours and neurotic boyfriends and girlfriends- never had time to break away long enough to send me anything other than a snoopy email posing as a Nigerian lottery manager or deposed princess from some little known African nation.
In a kind of plea-bargain agreement become business-date, I sent her an email and arranged to a time (around her busy shooting and touring schedules) when we could get together for a cup or two of rare Colombian commodities. She was all over the idea like a ravished possum in an over-filled Taco Bell dumpster.
Lady GaGa hinted that money was certainly one motivating factor at first, but she also really liked the idea of cock-teasing a bunch of very crooked people before busting their balls! And, since I've always had a talent for borrowing from Peter to pay Paul (because I owed money to Mary) gathering the initial amount I needed to get things rolling was not as tricky as you might think. It's a matter of knowing the right people and mixing something special into their drink without being detected...
...Oh yeah, and I think it was Lady GaGa's publicist that insisted that we entitle our secret concert op:
Despots Dogs 'r Digg'n On GaGa Ops
...."That was because rumors were still spreading that Irving Asoff was trying to
stir up some kind of federal inquisition as a smoke screen while he tried to appropriate our best ideas and parlay them into: The Eagles' 49th Farewell Tour scheduled to be televised LIVE from some huge glacier that is now forming just outside of Lubbock, Texas (the general traipsing ground+s of such music legends as Buddy Holly, Roy Orbison, and of course The Eagle's own extraordinary singer-songwriter- Don Henley."
END OF INTERVIEW.
________________________________________________________________
March 26, 2011.
ROOTERS
More Naughty Leakage Re: GaGa-Ops.
Each concert is reportedly limited to an audience of only 300. That is apparently due to the security precautions which most of the tyrannical despots must observe. An overly large concert would greatly increase the risk of a sniper attack or terrorist bombing attempts.
As a result, most of the Ooh-La-La audience goers to date have appeared to be security professionals from the hosting county's military hierarchy, Stasi-style police networks, plain-clothes agent provocateurs and secret, pro-government-goon-squads.
Tickets which can command a price of up to (US) $10,000,000 per ticket rely upon extremely high quality and not quantity. That translates to insuring each ticket purchasers utmost enjoyment and assured safety.
The wholesale ticket price of (US) $5,000,000 is apparently non-negotiable and non-refundable. There are no insurance considerations. If the despot, or any of the individuals he retails the tickets to should be hurt or injured during or directly after the concert- the Ooo-La-Las Corporation is under no legal or financial obligation.
On the back of each ticket, printed boldly in Modern Standard Arabic reads, "100 Minutes of Steamy, Sexual Enticement and Melodic Stimulation is ASSured".
What is not mentioned on the back of the tickets, is that the concert production itself appears to be the end result of years of top-secret research complied from data-banks and sociological experiments conducted from Rock concert operatives in the 70s and 80s.
Rock, Pop, & Disco Revolution: 1972 - Present.
One such source who insisted on remaining anonymous stated that, "Entrancingly sublime melodies from ancient Sumerian love songs and prose-like chants were carefully translated and re-recorded in the early 70s by a secret team of MIT scientists headed by psychologist Carl Jung and the creator of the Moog Synthesizer.
________________________________________________________________
What does OPERATION PAN mean to one 3-letter agency?
On February 16, 2011, a veteran CIA analyst agreed to communicate with ROOTERS. He declined giving his name, but reliable sources have verified that while he served as an intelligence analyst for 11 years, he had earned the reputation of being a political maverick by actually admitting before the Senate Intelligence Committee that he favored a much more democratic Middle East- even if it meant less corporate profits for America and much less patriotic pride and hubris for his Geo-politically naive family members and friends.
He chose to communicate with ROOTERS by way of smoke signals from his Maryland-based barbecue-pit just before dinnertime last Sunday. A cryptographic expert from the Army Signal Corp. on loan from the Choctaw Tribe is credited with translating the code as precisely as possible.
In the secret communique, he stated that,
"Each one of Lady GaGa's Ooh-La-La concerts that are scheduled for the Middle East seem to be ass sexually dynamic ass possible"...."We need a dash of lemon juice and more garlic in the sauce Hon!".... "It will be a tease and taunt fest the likes of which have not been seen since"........ "Billy! Stop looking up your sister's dress when she's climbing up the slide!".....
"Castro- by way of a Swedish courier- sent love sick sonnets to Marilyn Monroe in a bid to create a classic Soviet-style love-triangle-sting-summit between himself, John and Bobby Kennedy"..... "Our best analysts claim that the GaGa concerts seem to be designed in a"....."Brent Junior!....
"I'll tell you one more time!! Stop Wiki leaks... I mean....sneaking peeks of your sister's not-ready-for-prime-time-love-muffin! I mean it!".....
As the buffalo wings and beef ribs began reaching that delicate point of being just cooked enough but requiring a bit more crispiness, the signals became much harder to decipher, but our source remained diligent and continued by adding that:
"It will hopefully open the psychological gateway for a much more successful and much less violent, democratic revolution that can be staged days or weeks later... Brent! This Samuel Adams is fuck'n hot! Get me another pronto or your NOT going to summer camp!"....
"What some of us at CIA are hoping, is that after Lady GaGa and her assistance get through with 'em.... all freedom-loving Americans or the ones who just like the word freedom, but don't have any real idea about what it is- can just say adios to ruthless dictators and tyrants".
END OF CODED TRANSMISSIONS.
Check for ROOTERS REPORTS every 12 hours.
_________________________________________________________
March 12, 2009.
ROOTERS
Shocking Peek lnside GaGa Ops:
Many Victorian or French provincial style concert halls in the middle east seem to have become indoor bazaars or propaganda centers. Long abandoned ballrooms were left behind as vague reminders of imperialist times under the British or French, but now at least some of them will soon be secretly refurbished into Victorian-Byzantine Harem Love Dens to accommodate a top-secret Ooo-La-La Concert Op.
They are being sub-sectioned off- according to sects and preferences- replete with privacy curtains, plasma viewing screens, shisha (nagila) water pipes said to sport gratuitous amounts of Al Fakher tobacco, soaked in hash-oil flown-in especially by Osama Inc. of Waziristan. One and two liter bottles of moisturizer creams and body lotions have reportedly been sold out in cities such as Tripoli, Manama, and Tehran.
From what ROOTERS has learned about the Ooo-La-La concerts, they seem to be designed to usher each respective despot-audience into a state of rapturous, euphoria which some few hours later, succumbs to more of a catatonic bliss- just before it disintegrates into a level of general lethargy, confusion and aimlessness.
According to accepted rules of standard behavioral psychology there are standard buttons which produce the desired Ooo-La-La Effect.
An anonymous Ooo-La-La Op specialist indicated that this what they refer to as the Closing Curtain Effect. The surreality of the show and refreshments which are super-charged with large doses of Vet-grade hormone supplements causes the despotic leader and most of those invited to the show to begin a rapid emotional and mental decent.
Soon thereafter, the harshness of political pressures combined with physical and mental limitations causes one to make brash comments within his inner-circle or take draconian measures to thwart the actions of innocent protesters. Hours, or days later, a greater mental conflict spirals as too little is attempted much too late.
The final stage is virtually unstoppable because despite all the money and power the despot may have begotten by ruthless means- he realizes that he will probably never, ever have another erection without at least the assistance of a Lady GaGa video.
Rock bottom hits hard. The surreal, Sexual-Frolic Dimension is gone and there is nothing to feed the despot's psychotic cravings. Numbness becomes delusional thinking becomes total denial of reality.
Let 100 Mini GaGas Blossom
As many ass 100 hand-picked, female Scandinavian models have been sanctioned as GaGa-ettes to eagerly circulate amongst the VIP audience, discreetly servicing their every needs for a handsome price. Many of the fans are rumored to wave breath-taking amounts of cash- even in the form of briefcases stuffed to the brim with fresh US dollars they refuse to tell the truth about.
Some openly claim that the counterfeit US currency comes from printing presses inside work-dungeons hidden under Chinese prisons, or printing facilities disguised as nuclear missile silos the DPRK, One rather stoned, VIP ticket welding crony insisted that the money comes from illegal space whaling ventures off of a moon called Phoebus.
Velvet sofas, stuffed with what are rumored to be made of the down of baby bald-eagles- often mistaken for buzzards- were often surrounded by privacy curtains could recline to a bed-like surface or be discreetly lowered into special anti-chambers by way of sfx-cable- magic.
Shocking news of the rumored Lady GaGa event first came to light when the 2nd cousin of Iran's current Prime Minister Ahmadinejad- who was forced into a life of "quiet exile" in another country- received one of the rare, top-secret concert tickets by way of a courier error.
In his words, "The fancy invitation was delivered to my door one evening by a man in a very glossy, silk suit. First, I thought, Holy Shit! This is one of Ayatollah or my cousin Ahmadinejad's goon-squad-hit-men that go around the world killing enemies of Iran's wicked and cruel regime. I closed my eyes and prayed to the god of superheroes who are made from cosmic storms and that kind of stuff, but when I peaked to see what kind of gun he had- 'cause I'm a big handgun fan... I noticed it was some kind of letter or invitation."
For security reasons, he sent ROOTERS the following email account by way of an anonymous email account disguised as a Winner's Notice from a Nigerian Lottery:
"I cautiously opened the envelope like a nervous, drama-queen at an Oscar ceremony. I was sure it contained some dangerous virus or maybe even some genetically rehabilitated Tyrannosaurus Rex pheromones that could make women of African origin that weigh more than 300 kilos, start bashing my door down and raping me- unless they were busy watching Oprah of course. Anyway, I finally opened it and saw that the lettering was done in 14k gold ink. However, the invitation was for my 2nd cousin- Prime Minister Ahmadinejad and not me! I am a sometimes happily married man!
The invitation was signed by the Ayotollah and several of his ruling counciIt was then that I realized that the rumors circulating in Tehran's underground about Iranian intelligence's interception of my 2nd cousin's desperate emails to Lady GaGa were probably true! According to one Aunt that lives in Iran's Kurdistan region next to northern Iraq- he even claimed [once again] to be Jewish- in a desperate bid to make a private sex-music-video with Lady GaGa. He even sent her close up photo's of what he claimed was his own circumcised penis!"
REQUIREMENTS FOR TICKET PURCHASERS:
Those invited to Lady GaGa's secret Middle East Op Concerts must fulfill at least 1 of 2 behavioral requirements- in order to be the wholesaler-sponsor of a Lady GaGa
Ooo-La-La concert in his region:
1. He must have remained in power for at least 4 normal election terms with every election regarded as suspicious by the international community.
2. He must have secured power by some form of unethical activity such as: fraud, extortion, nepotism, intimidation, torture, death squads, tricky elections, or harassment of the media, genocide, ethnic cleansing, or a propensity for wearing outlandish uniforms and costumes from day to day- or several times in one day!
*They all espouse the virtues of freedom in order to receive rubber-stamp funding and look-the-other-way approval from US administrations that put little to no emphasis upon accountability or behavior that is consistent with the virtues which US presidents preach to the world- until the shit really hits the fan and they have to cover their asses with fancy rhetoric;
*According to the Insider's CIA Website- most of these despots are suffering from sexual dysfunction which in many Muslim countries- is traditionally thought to be cured by way of non-compliant, sexual activity with under-aged-boys.
Whether the Lady GaGa concert scheduled for Tehran, Iran on February 30, 2011 will continue as scheduled is unclear. An NSA satellite working in conjunction with MTV is using state-of-the -art sound and motion detecting lasers to locate any indication of high-decibel, sub-woofer activity coupled with undulating bodies. A special gauge developed especially for this mission was developed by Hewlett-Packard and will identify any unusually high ratio of male hormones per 1000 normal air molecules in Tehran's atmosphere- giving the exact location of what intelligence insiders regard as "revolution-levels of-sexcitementl.
In regard to any possible links between the current Lady GaGa debacle in Iran- which is rumored to be shaking their government to the core- our ROOTERS correspondent who works part- time as a floater for the DIA, NSA, CIA and KFC- when things get slow- has stated that last week- Hosni Mubarak's personal couriers were observed whisking back and forth between Ciaro, Bahrain and Tehran with what appeared to be alligator-skin-briefcases hand-cuffed to their wrists and anxious faces goggle-eying Romanian stewardesses in Gulf Air's Business Class.
Our attention has been focused upon what most intelligence insiders now believe to be the reason for Mubarak's speedy departure.
"WHERE THERE'S LOTS OF CASH, THERE'S LOTS OF HARLOT." [King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon]
It is etched in stone at a near by pyramid and Mubarak- who imagined himself the embodiment of King Tutankhamun- had the ancient expression tattooed onto his left buttock until Ronald Dumsfeld- while attending a swimming party at Mubarak's Shamrock Sheik palace noticed it and advised him to have it removed.
Huge, stainless steel doors designed for him unwittingly by NASA engineers- open to Mubarak's own secret Mega-Sex for Mega-Money Empire located almost 20 floor levels ground level- revealing the kind of decadence unheard of since Mubarak's cousin- who believed himself to be the human embodiment of the god Osiris- charged handsomely to redecorate Mubarak's Gilgamesh-Sex-Dungeon-Palace with the night-glow characteristics of Alien-Phalluses which are believed to have been preserved in air-tight containers by former British missionaries in the 18th century before they all died of mysterious SIDs.
Objects recently recovered from the 3rd Sumerian King Excavation of the Euphronios Crater is now also thought to be directly related by various fringe-scientists in Russia.
According to a well-placed source who poses as a homeless and out-of-work tout for a magic carpet dealer outside of Alexandria, Egypt- when not studying English slang at the local Muslim Brotherhood Branch of the Al Qaeda Endowment For The Arts) hinted that Lady Gaga (whom Mubarak had code named: Ooh La La) was offered US $100,000,000 to enact sexual "frolic" (with heavy emphasis on the last syllable in order to emphasis the sound of the word "lick" in ancient Egyptian attire for Mubarak and a select group of what are now current members of the Egyptian military.
"The expensive entertainment sessions may not have occurred at all", added Fukher appropriately, as he suddenly recalled the thought of being lashed by a razor-blade-laden-whip by the former US-backed regime. He added by stating, "that if the reports of sex for money were true- they acts would have occurred deep under what is thought to be the lowest anti-chamber of the pyramid- considered to be the resting place of King Tut." ..."Several jet-setting moguls, sheiks and captains of World Industry are said to have secretly experienced R&R there".
In a desperate bid to distract away from allegations that he (Donald Trump) may have also encountered unspeakable delights within the sub-terrain-region of Mubarak's secret Gaga Room- he suddenly announced that he is considering running for US president.
However, Trump-related stocks dipped a bit after the program in which he praised the UAR for being so architecturally advanced- apparently without knowing that much of its advancement is the result of American and other foreign architects and engineers and NOT Arabs!
Famed sociologist, Irvink Herbilwitzsteinberg addressed this very issue in his acclaimed, but unfinished text- published as is: Futile Modernization Versus Feudal Arabisation.
"Oil money may be facilitating the construction of amazing airports, malls and city infrastructures throughout the Middle East, but anyone who has lived there for a few months begins to sense that it is only the presence of oil-money which is paid to foreign experts that actually makes many things progress. Oil money itself will never manage to undue the negative drag that is caused by the strangle hold of Islamic culture, Sharia law and sexist attitudes which forces women to become like unto a slow, trudging mountain of lard, or forces young boys to submit themselves to secretly accepted rapists who use them as substitutes for young women."
The above was the last paragraph which the author wrote in his award-winning book just before he was abducted from a Russo-Chinese Sauna Massage establishment on the border of Waziristan owned by a 6' 6" tall Arab who goes by the name Sam.
Strategists for the think-tank DICK- Despotic Interpol Crisis Karma (Group) pointed out that one cable leak from a FedEx clerk in Moscow has indicated that a large number of Lady Ga Ga videos were being requisitioned from Cambodia- where cheap, pirate-copies of American DVDs are available at ANY DVD store. After an emergency Senate Intelligence Committee was called into session- it was concluded that - these Lady Ga Ga videos- are being sent to an address (with CIA sources believe to be) a building used by Russian intelligence to train a newer and much more seductive breed of Sparrows, Swallows and Honey Pots.
In the emergency session it was made known that the highest ratio of women to men in any former Soviet-region is the country of Estonia- where a gratuitous blow-job is a common tip for any service as mundane as a pizza delivery. Within minutes of this announcement, male members of the SIC were in agreement that additional research by a bi-partisan committee involving all of them- would need to be conducted on location in that Baltic state.
Lady Gaga's publicist stated that, "She is still unavailable for comment, because she always gets hit-on and chatted-up endlessly by every horny, conniving loser-poser-wanker within or without the entertainment industry.
ROOTERS is still graciously extending an invitation for Lady GaGa to submit herself to a free, creative, private consultation over an erect bottle of very stiff liquor.
_________________________________________________________________________
March 8, 2011.
ROOTERS
WELCOME TO DESPOT DEPOT
Cutting-edge intelligence from a Muslim cleric in Tehran who for a number of years- has worked as an inside-informant for ROOTERS has provided us up-to-date information which has had a dizzying effect on think-tanks and Geo-political analysts. It is no secret that everyone is now speculating about where the storm of discontentment in the Middle East will end up and how will effect the average Joe.
Since the recent discovery of Hosni Mubarak and Moammar Gadhafi's adjoining networks of underground, Caligula-style-palaces of Versailles meets Hustler magaizine along the border of east Libya-other points on the globe such as: Iran, Iraq, Bahrain, North Korea, China, Dubai, 篱笆，and Wisconsin have erupted with extreme envy and are demanding more stimulating forms of entertainment from their most secretive, government officials.
A paper trail printed in golden ink has prompted experts to project their focuses even further ahead of the everyday news- and draw upon basic warning signs given by all leaders world-wide and not just those in the Middle East.
The most obvious examples of bad leadership in the Middle East are fortunately very easy to locate without the use of satellite imagery or Facebook. The warning signs have been hard for Washington DC to observe perhaps because they were in bed together with the lights turned off. Amazing what bad lighting, a bit of brandy and alot of cash can do for a relationship.
________________________________________________________________
March 8, 2011.
ROOTERS
What are the warning signs of a despot?
Apparently, such details are roughly skimmed over or it is the kind of subject which candidates for employment in overseas service are required to have a deplorable amount of knowledge about. One must NOT observe these things in order to qualify as a ground operative tucked away in a US Embassy.
1. A leader or ruling party that is autocratic, inflexible and refuses to allow international scrutiny of their election process- if one exists; but can convince the White House of otherwise;
2. A leader or ruling party that was established by a personality cult enshroudedbut can convince the by myths and exaggeration; but can convince the White House of otherwise;
3. A leader or ruling party that can upon a short advanced notice- crank up a
dense cloud of oppression, fear and intimidation; but can convince the White House of otherwise;
4. A leader or ruling party that was put into power by a direct political referral or merely inherited the ruling position from a family member without fair elections; but can convince the White House of otherwise;
5. A leader or ruling party that manages to somehow maintain sporadic illusions of progress regarding human rights and political transparency for the western media and typically careless American analysts who cannot look behind the cut of a leader's suit or silly costumes, his choice of ties, women, American stock holdings, or his amiable suave party style and demeanor; but can convince the White House of otherwise;
6. A leader or ruling party that can always buy more time for their claimed advances toward progress by confusing Washington DC about their countries specific ethnic, religious and demographic problems which western minds are not privy to understand; but can convince the White House of otherwise;
7. A leader or ruling party that simply nabs power through some window of opportunity- usually through war or a coup- and grooms and maintains the shallow allegiance of their cronies and military connections with business contracts, graft, bribes and kick-backs; but can convince the White House of otherwise;.
_______________________________________________________________
Note: Any similarities that may exist between the above description and the "W" regime is not coincidental- but then- it is not the foundational subject of this article- as we attempt to unravel and explain the bizarre details surrounding the current attempts toward revolution in the middle east at large and other countries which will no doubt rear their discontented heads and start growing within the next weeks or months.
The focus of our future analysis will be upon the remaining ruthless targets:
1. Iran's Ayatollah & Iran's Prime Minister Ahmadinejad;
2. Syria's Basshar Assad
3. DPRK's Kim Jong Il,
4. Yemen's
___________________________________________________
Masad Buzzard Makes Iran Feather-Brained!
_________________________________________________________From Ma'ariv newspaper.
The incident comes amid growing paranoia among Israel’s neighbors.
Just last week, the Telegraph reported the following:
[A} large bird, which was carrying a GPS transmitter and a tag bearing the identification code R65 from Tel Aviv University, strayed into rural Saudi Arabian territory at some point last week, according to a report in the Israeli daily Ma’ariv.Residents and local reporters told Saudi Arabia’s Al-Weeam newspaper that the matter seemed to be linked to a “Zionist plot” and swiftly alerted security services.
The bird has since been placed under arrest. The accusations went viral, according to the Israeli Ha’aretz newspaper, with hundreds of posts on Arabic-language websites and forums claiming that the “Zionists” had trained the birds for espionage.
Each additional day Mubarak stays in power, gives him, his cronies and their invisible-freelancing" suitors ample time to create complications which could be used as justification for not letting go the reigns of oppressive tyranny.
The New Weird OrderFor Cheaper Fast Foods
&
The Dangerous Gameof
Neo-Islamic Capitalmunism
_____________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
FREE CON-CERT!
FEATURING:
The GOON-SQUAD-HASSASSINS
Hear They're Greatest Hits!
* Take The Money And Run
* Honest Tea
* Have Ah Nagila
* "Rock" The Casbah
* Pipeline
LIVE in Mubarakstan!
LIVE in Gadhafistan!
LIVE in Wisconsintan!The Post-Zero Population Automatons
FREE LECTURE AFTER CONCERT:HOW TO USE TAKFIER METHODOLOGY TO KIDNAP YOUR OWN DREAM GIRL! AT TEHRAN YMCA. TIME & DATE SECRETLY ANNOUNCED BY BURST FREQUENCY YODELING FROM MOSQUES!
LADIES: Dress Sexy 2B Lashed!MEN: Dress like Libertyachi with the hots for freedom!
Plain Clothes Provacateurs & InsurgentsGET IN FREE!
Pushing Room Only!
Cameras Will Be Smashed!
_________________________________________________________________________
WHAT MID-EAST TYRANTS & AMERICA'S MOST BLINDED PATRIOTS HAVE IN COMMON?
The Fear Machines of Assad are now cranking out their last levels of dream scheme dementia. Subconscious-last-ditch-efforts are colliding with utter nonsense disguised as intelligence.A number of countries are now putting their governments under super- microscopes. At the rate things are going, the entire Middle East and East Asia will be freer than the USA is by this time next week!
During the reign of W over a million secrets were created and kept from view of the American people. Many of these secrets were obtained by way of illegally intruding on America's privacy.The bill of rights was taken away and replaced by
The Patriot Act.
Is it from the how-to journals of the ancient Catholic church?
The word Patriot is intended to create a knee-jerk response that plays a sense of pride, duty and heroism. Its very title prevents the most simple-minded of Americans from exploring the possibility that its ramifications are a violation of the Bill of Rights.
Replace the Bill of Rights with something that removes Rights!
Have the lies gone on for much too long?And is that not why WikiLeaks poses a threat?
Why has America indirectly and even directly supported it for so long?Honest folk want to hear something very rational and plausible. To say it is because Israel is America's best friend is not enough.
One must wonder why they are best friends and not just friends?
Why have American schools of all schools had such abysmal records in international studies and world history?
The message this all sends to someone who reads between the lines is that, as far as America's government is concerned, Israelis deserve to have rights and Egyptians do not. The message also implies that for 30 years, America- a country that loves to preach freedom- did not see the value of relinquishing or transforming any commitments to Israel that would allow Egypt to actually approach a form of American-style freedom.
_________________________________________________________ HOW 2 START A FAKE MORALITY 2 GO FRANCHISE
21st century: over-populated w/ Religious nuts.Egypt, Libya (and no less true for Syria and Iran) are microcosms of 21st century conflict-resolution and provide an incubation for secular rational and wisdom over religious radicals and sociopaths.
Meanwhile back in America, zealous Christian coalitionists and their Chicken Hawk Platitudes have re-written ''da book. Whatever happened to God is love and forgiveness? It gave way to Show-boat, snake oil elixir and get-rich-quick Christianity. They espouse that there is a direct relation between one's level of faith and one's level of wealth and woes..
The Jewish Zealots were one of the world's earliest Terrorist Groups.
Next time you use the term Zealot- bear in mind that the God of David did not so much as frown on the use of violence (by his chosen people) against heathens.
Many Muslim believers appear to be victims of the kind of severe brain-washing that only an oppressive society can create. As a whole, the religion comes across as very a series of antiquated, oppressive, philosophies developed by Barbary pirates with short attention spans.
All those men everywhere like some kind of hairy arm and facial stubble competition! The never seem to be very happy. Whereas the Evangelical Christians feel obligated to act like they are happy- as though to be asking, "Aren't you curious why I am so happy? But then, they usually imply why or come out and tell you if you are foolish enough to stick around!
Muslim just like Christians have a dangerous subconscious bitterness and jealousy toward those who are NOT confined by their rules and beliefs.
The Jews? They bill themselves as Gods Chosen People! If that isn't asking for trouble, I don't know what is!
The mistake of Islam, was that they were not clever businessmen like the Jews! The Muslims failed to write anything in their scriptures that would serve as a kind of land title for the region around Jerusalem- that could prove that Allah had given them it to them and not the Jews or heathen Romans.
The Muslims are also victims of bad timing because the Jews now hold a land title which precedes the birth of Mohammad by hundreds and hundreds of years!
Since all the prophets within the Jewish Tora are also prophets in the Muslim Koran- the Muslims have no real choice but to accept God's promise of a specific area of land for the Jews.
That "we are HIS people business" sounds as racist as it gets. In my humble opinion, the Christians, the Jews and the Muslims all deserve each other!
Rule One: When creating a religion- always make sure that God promised you a lot of things, so your future generations can claim ownership or you can f-word up the entire world fighting about it!Why do you insist upon being enemies to others who could be fellow gardeners of this still kind of green planet?
In these modern times, Jewish writers have tended to secure jobs as writers of books, plays and movie scripts. They have also secured jobs as
novelists and journalists. It is a talent which many of them display well.
In ancient times, many Jews utilized the same skills when possible. In addition to being good "Jewelers" they made notable scribes, historians, apostles and spin-doctors- with the same flare for the dramatic as Danton Trumbo or Steven Spielberg.They chose those jobs in ancient times because they only had access to a Theocratic Government not because everything you read happened exactly as written! Here we are, thousands of years later, resting our laurels upon ancient Sci-Fi?
If I told my friends to come quick and see a man on a horse dropping gold coins to everyone below, people would laugh, but they would not go look. However, if it happened two or three thousands years ago, and was recorded by people within a purely theocratic mind-set- it simply must be TRUE?
Jews in America's secular society illustrate many of the same skills that their ancestors did. Some are "Jewelers" and many are journalists, writers, or playwrights. Within the social media of: TV, Film, Radio & the Internet.
They are able to pursue the same paths of their ancestors within the sphere of a non-Theocratic structure. Thus, parting the Red Sea and Four headed creatures with wings which pilot heavenly vehicles has succumbed to excellent film entertainment from the likes of Danton Trumbo and Steven Spielberg!
THINGS FOR Arab-Revolutionaries, Pro-Oppression Goon- Squads, Provocateurs, or Plain-Clothes ? to buy when vacationing in Amazing-Thailand:
Freedom in today's world is the freedom to learn unhampered at the touch of your fingers to a computer's keyboard. The demonstrations, uprisings and revolutions of the present and future will be the result of minds opening up, putting away foolish things and learning freedom is the true religion.
Follow your own desires and interests (in a responsible way) and learn real, job skills for a challenging future.
Note: Blogging is not a job skill unless you're good enough to publish!
1. Cheap, Chinese Walkie-Talkies. They are doing for oppressive networks world-wide what the internet is doing for the opposition! Pick up several sets for your kids & pro/anti-revolution collaborators!
2. Plenty of cattle prod zappers. They can be easily concealed inside some umbrellas. Seeing them gets people moving until they're zapped!
3. Chrome-replicas of a Colt 45 or Chinese K-59. Great for intimidating folks from a distance and arousing the interests of gun-loving women!
4. "Don't Shoot Me! Just Punch 'n Kick 'n Drag Me Down The Street" PRESS Cards.
5. Plenty of those bags of dried mangoes and papaya. They make great, healthy snacks and keep well while living on the streets for days. Try sharing it with your enemy-friends and you might just quell the entire conflict! Goes great with the traditional, hot tea spiked with sodium pentathol or LSD.
________________________________________________________________________
Rising Prices: Basis for New Weird Order?
By greatly decreasing access to essential goods, or manipulating the price in an unfavorable way- one's power of choice becomes limited and
Freedom becomes an almost moot point.
Life is for chasing dreams, but it looks like anything but dreams themselves may be too expensive in the near future.
Whether your a blind patriot or just a blurry-sighted-visionary with a short attention span like me- we had all better learn to start cultivating food, as well as trap and filter rain water. Better cultivate an interest in acoustic guitar and give up on the idea of using some dinky waterfall somewhere to power a love for funk rock. Gangster Rappers? Whole battalions of lethal androids will programmed to deal with you!
______________________________________________________
Elitist-Hobnobbing must now be done huddled within well guarded mansions on the outskirts of Cairo. A poorly written but well financed script is being formulated. Title: THE WIND AND THE LIAR.
It's a retro ALAMO with much more fanfare, but no big names. The film is underscored by severe economic angst, disguised by pseudo-political-awareness, aka- Barbary Pirate Stability with millions of underpaid extras on deferred payment contracts!
A bit of the old Cecil B. DeMille's epic-style spirit is being witnessed with a lot of evidence that the Islam machine has not done much to quell the swelling resentments of the have nots.
Brocko is an Ex-Navy Seal- with an anger-management problem and now works as a correspondent for CNN, but now he is Barack-Aided behind the Cairo Hilton Bar living off of B-52s and Dirty Girl Scouts. After the well runs dry, he goes,... Berzerk like Billy Jack on Crystal Meth and restores order long before American troops finally get the green light before the next American election and the end of the Mayan calendar.
ROOTERS HOLLYWOOD RUMORS
Golan-Globus, under the guys of a non-Jewish-movie-mafia-sounding-company has hinted that they may foot the bill for an epic film related to the current crisis in Egypt if Mel Gibson agrees to a bit-part requiring him to scream the famous catch phrase, "Can't We All Just Get Along?" while plummeting into a blazing Suez Canal dotted with thousands of American aircraft carriers providing SFX.
Things Most Free-Dumb Fighters Don't Learn In School (Cause They Never Could Afford To Go):
1. Never, but never jump from the frying pan into a super-heated void of vast uncertainties;
2. Establish An Interim Government Before Pushing Comes To Shoveling Bodies;
Why is Zero Population no longer a Solution to World Economic Crisis?
We must salute Egypt's courageous and naive population as they descend into chaos just like Iran before them! Allah Akbar! Yeah, he's so damn great! Can't reward the faithful with gainful employment. $2 for all that back-breaking cow-towing? Does that sound worth it?
With the world's support? What do people mean when they say that? CARE packages are the only thing that can be safely conveyed to the Egyptian people now. The US military must step in and keep the country from descending into the kind of chaos that would make what is perceived as the epicenter of Arab culture- become a whirlwind of dangerous radicalism. The time to support Mubarak is gone. Seven more months of Mubarak is unacceptable to his opposition. Too many secret plots and twisted agendas could be structured and set into motion during that period of time.
AMERICA'S MILITARY NEEDS TO GO IN BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE DOES!
Not to hold Mubarak up, but to protect this trend of failing despots and crumbling tyrants. region ElBaradei has maintained a flimsy pretense stating that he does not really want the job of Prime Minister. After so many years he just happened to return to Egypt during this crisis?
ElBaradei, with his international experience in thinking out of the box and his a voice of cool resolve can provide the framework for transition toward a democratic election. Egypt needs this emergency treatment very soon like super glue for a severed artery.
That delectable sliver of American pie which Egyptians were all dreaming of just a week ago- was provided by commitments to build provide a ruthless buffer to protect American interests despite the embarrassing contradictions it created.
Why was not America ingenuity establishing a slough of factories, agricultural projects, and cheap, easy-access, self-improvement and educational programs for Egypt's masses of illiterate and poor?
* * * ________________________________________________________________________
ROOTERS RETORTS
PROJECT: SAND FOR SILICONE?
BILL GATES could provide his genius as an interim Prime Minister of the Middle East and devote his free time to educational and industrial development. Gates' programs focused on health care and the fight against AIDS is very noble, but the greatest threat to Africa is radicalism. Radicalism breeds empty minds that are fueled by resentment and clumsily orchestrated fictions. The only jobs it creates require the newly employed worker to blow himself up so that their families can receive compensation.
Arabs Traditionally Host Despots, Dictators & Elitist Royal Families!
Hamdulilah! The Age of Information. Habib has a lap-top and is pining for a life.
* * * * * * *
ARAB RENAISSANCE SWEEPING MID-EAST!
Africa and the Middle East require a renaissance of thought and education and opportunities. They require a revolution against cronyism and despots. It is America's task to set this.in motion. Cable Leaks provided a reality TV peak at the inner voices of America's and other countries leaders. Apart from all the debatable damage it could have done to America's intelligence apparatus and diplomatic fall-out, was it not a real blessing in disguise?
Appoint Bil Gates as an Honorary Visiting Minister of Labor! Hell! Crown him the new Pharaoh!
Maybe he can get those pyramids to emit all that alternative energy?
Arab teens- over-fueled on testosterone gone wild and Energy Drinks spiked with desperation are running wild in the streets for lack of just a small sliver of American Dream Pie- with obligatory doses of fluffy, neon-bright topping.
Too bad such adventurists often formulate their plans with all the abandon of toothless children running rampant in a candy store with no money. All those delectable treats! But not wise enough to know which ones are simply delightfully packaged poison.
And what's wrong with that red, white and blue one with all those stars and stripes? While they were chanting human rights to the Chinese, the DPRK, the Iranians, the Burmese? The guys that formulated the Patriot Act as the much awaited sequel to Mao's Little Red Book?
UNRAVELED SECRETS OF PHILADELPHIA FREEDOM
RILEY (My cat at large) knows all about this. He has taught me what a frustrating and difficult thing freedom is to pursue and preserve. Basically it is a dream to keep you going.
Freedom is not really a political term. My cat is not political as far as I know. Wasn't the American Revolution also about rising costs caused by rising taxes- among other things?
Freedom is mostly a financial beast in my opinion. It's a cute, wandering cat that can cut you to shreds if you mishandle it and sometimes it goes astray, invades your neighbor's kitchen and tramples on their tuna salad.
Freedom is dangerous because it involves change. Handle with Care. Particularly when it is armed to the teeth with vast resources, arrogance, blind-patriotism and toxic levels of hubris.
_________________________________________________________________________
A Crazy Cat Called Freedom
I suppose freedom means having the opportunity to face your dreams and your fears, find wild contradictions and study them, learn from them.
Many Americans though, choose to look the other way and they miss the opportunity to train their minds toward new perimeters to improve their ability to thrive, stay comfortable and survive.
Freedom, just like his or her evil counterpart- oppression- does not come in a box with instructions and accessories. However, I would suggest buying a remote control that turns a special antenna that allows you to listen to anything you wish to listen to- other than FOX NEWS? Hello?
Special Cultural-Translator Box Available at Radio Shack
ATTENTION: Republican Conventioners and Hockey Moms From Hell!
ATTENTION: Misguided Liberals & Geographically Ignorant Idealists!
THE SIGN WILL READ: GET YOUR MOOD CONTROL NANO-CHIP IMPLANTS NOW & GET A 20% DISCOUNT ON YOUR TAX RETURN!
Guaranteed to vastly decrease your stress level by clouding your perceptions and blurring your understanding of anything written between the lines of some dissident writers. Helps you not to recognize the difference between a Pseudo-Religious Materialist's Chant and a Rogue-Patriot's Lies!
Ameri-CAN Eat All You Can't Political Buffet
__________________________________________________
Grey-Blue Party VS. Blue-Grey Party
(2 Many Choices For Sheeple To Remember)
Has Lady Liberty Turned into a Sleazy Harlot?
"And all she wants to do is dance!"
[Don Henley]
Such a feeding frenzy of political choice in America! Not!
Driven by microchip implants of corporate ambition and cloaked in highly flammable, petroleum-based-religious-attire secretly dotted with smart- dust-nano-bits- the uneducated masses of Halal Inc. are now ready to heed the rantings of any appealing. Embittered youth ready for a wild ride to FREEDOM, but they forgot to check the engine and kick the tires.
LOST AND FOUND IN CYBER-SPACE
Ruthless and oppressive "devils we know" can no longer be accepted in a world of Cyber-Space-Based-Cerebral-Expansion".
Mubarak's chance of furthering his political career are worse than that of an Arab-speaking Al Qaeda operative trying to sell bacon-kebobs door-to-door in a Zionist neighborhood. After Mubarak has turned his hairy ass toward the immortalizing cameras, he will fade into the wind driven sand dunes with other untold stories of other ruthless men.
Somewhere over the dunes I hear a portable radio playing and the immortal words of THE WHO echo something about... We Won't Get Fooled Again! They Never Learn.
______________________________________
February 24, 2011. ROOTERS
ISLAMIST CELLS STEALING EGYPT'S F-16s?
A recent cable intercepted by FreakyPeaks, indicates that a substantial American military presence will need to be established in and around Egypt to insure a transition stage toward a freer government- without Mubarak of course. He will either leave by air, bombs or bullets. Who knows? Maybe an all inclusive travel package deal will be arranged!
American troops will be securing the flow of oil and the shipment of other vital commodities such as food and medicine in and out of the Suez Canal- but particularly to store's in Egypt which are running out. They will be securing Israel's border across the Sinai Peninsula from any third-party opportunists who wish to take advantage of all the chaos.
They will also be protecting American and other country's investments there from being appropriated by unfriendly elements. They will be guarding Egypt's cache of American F-16 fighters and other military ware that is at a high risk of being spirited out of the country by Islamic radicals or despot-states who offer cash on the barrel upon delivery. Lastly, they will be guarding Tourist attractions which are a staple of Egypt's GNP and serve as targets of terrorist aggression.
_________________________________________________________________________
SCANDALOUS INSIGHTS FROM ROOTERS
ROOTERS / Mid-East Offices
February 3, 2011.
According to numerous cables provided to ROOTERS by reporters working deep-cover in PRPs- Psychic Reception Posts hidden around the world- A network of other investigative journalists are now being sought for questioning regarding copy-cat versions of WikiLeaks known as FreakyPeaks and a Punjabi version known as SneakySihks.
The existence of these groups was leaked to the media by a cable which contained what an Army Signal Corp. encryption specialist first thought to be a Christmas related gag by his colleagues. As it turned out, he had accidentally unraveled information regarding a CIA managed operation involving a fly over of Iran and North Korea by an experimental aerial vehicle shaped like an old-fashioned snow sleigh. The red-colored sleigh, is composed of a hybrid plastic and silicone composite material undetectable by radar.
The SSSSS- Santa's Stealth Sleigh Surveillance System- designed by Lockheed Skunk Works- is estimated to weigh less than 100 pounds and is powered by (what was up till now) an experimental ion-grid-based propulsion system, that not only generates its own power from super-magnetized-ions, but can then redirect the super charged particles in any direction deemed necessary- by either a pilot in the cockpit- or a remote "fly by wire" pilot. The craft is estimated to have a record breaking loitering-time of 148 hours.
POP SCIENCE REPORTER'S LAST FIND BEFORE SLEEPING IN POTOMAC?
The SSSSS- is also thought to be equipped with state of the art, THOTPAL- Thought Pattern Analysis Lasers that are coupled with NEROSS- Neurological-Sensing-Scanners that can detect when people are sleeping or when they are awake. It is also said to be able to detect who has been bad or good.
The cable from which this information was retrieved also indicates that feverish rumors regarding the SSSSS are now widespread on Capital Hill. Most of the rumors hinge upon the contention that the top-secret craft had been slated for a top-secret mission. The mission, most likely for the purpose of reconnaissance over North Korea first and then Iran the following day, was scheduled for lift-off just before midnight on December 24th, 2010.
The rumor also asserts that the secret craft- was while on its first mission- guided by way of a ground-based operator. Additionally, the stealth sleigh will contain a real passenger-payload who is charged with the responsibility of providing timely verbal communication with ground controllers and analysts working under the direction of the NSA. Washington insiders are now convinced that the secret communications specialist on board will be former vice president, Dick Cheney.
_________________________________________________________________________
February 4, 2011.
ROOTERS UPDATE
SANTA CHENEY?
The decision to appoint this position to Dick Cheney is thought to have been made in accordance with a secret plea-bargaining agreement between the World Court and "not-yet-ready-to-retire" or "be retired" elements of the US intelligence community and various major corporations that wish for him to "fall off the radar" so as to distance themselves from any future scandals.
Mr Cheney has been facing numerous charges of fraud, extortion, treason, lying under oath, and tacit coordination of heinous war crimes- filed by numerous countries world-wide. Most of the allegations surrounding Mr. Cheney are already familiar to most of the world's news media networks, except for the Fox News Network, of course.
According to the Intel-Insider's Website- the handy work of Al Gore's offshore company Cryptographic Algorithms- Santa's Stealth Sleigh Surveillance System was on a one-way surveillance mission and probably crash landed somewhere in the north pole around 6:00 PM- GST- on December 29, 2010. Finnish Yule Tide Revelers who had attended a bonfire reported sighting a huge ball of flames transversing the Aurora Borealis just as the Scandinavian pop band Aqua broke into their hit song, "Barbie Girl".
_________________________________________________________________________
March 8, 2011.
ROOTERS
THE SSSSS INSPIRES SCRIPTWRITERS!
ANOTHER FANTASTIC 4 SEQUEL?
Famous Hollywood gossip columnist and gadfly, Mitzi Cravensteinwitz-Goldshoemakerberg,... now claims that the news abuzz regarding the SSSSS- which in addition to already having caused numerous earth tremors up and down California's continental shelf- now has most of Hollywood's top scriptwriters all schmoozing and wildly grappling for the film rights pertaining to a rumored Fantastic Four sequel inspired by stories enshrouding the possible existence of the SSSSS.
Stan Lee- the co-writer of the Fantastic Four, as well as other classics such as Spiderman and Iron Man- now has begun stalking a handful of directors he believes may be slated for the production- in a bid to secure yet another bit part for himself- but this time ass Dick Cheney as he plummets into Scandinavian airspace just in time for the Yule Tide and Christmas cinema's peek sales season at the very end of the Mayan calendar in 2013.
Do cable leaks clean the stained windows of government or lay the foundation for a more "dumbed-down" tolerance of CCTV's in everyone's closets? Where to draw the line?
Cable new of the Stealth Sleigh and other leaked cables which are soon to be published by the same media groups whose editorials claim the cables are tyrannical- have US authorities more frightened than ever of just the kind of transparency US Authorities routinely preach to other nations.
STATUTORY RAPE CHARGES FOR CABLE LEAKERS!
All the male contributors to cable leakage are now being sought on charges of statutory rape on the grounds that Swedish women with whom all the members of the group are accused of having had intimate relations with- were in fact consenting adults- but exhibited the maturity level of children when discussing subjects such as religion, politics and other touchy subjects such as, Are men or women better at balancing a checkbook during a full moon?
If these renegade journalists can be successfully extradited to the US, they may be faced with life-imprisonment in what certain former Guantanamo Prison guards have tacitly code-named, the "Hell-Raiser Meets Sesame Street Music" section of one of America's secret rendition programs, which have shifted operations from Cuba to Bulgaria, as well as secret dungeons of Gothic castles in Romania's state of Transylvania._________________________________________________________________________
March 4, 2011.
CUBA STRONGLY OBJECTS TO AMERICA'S USE OF THEIR ISLAND TO COPY CUBAN-STYLE RIGHTS ABUSES.
In past years, top prosecutor's for Cuba's state-run judicial system had long argued that the US managed Guantanamo prison was merely a cheap, capitalistic rip-off on Cuba's more sophisticated methods of incarceration and interrogation. Havana has threatened to re-introduce Russian-made, or North Korean warheads to the beleaguered island should Washington continue violating Havana's intellectual rights pertaining to such torture methods.
It is now believed that much of the information which these transparency-friendly groups intercepted their cables from- came by way of an intricate web of domains which are transmitted on FFAF- Frequently Fluctuating Alternative Frequencies that can be received by lap-tops which are cross-linked with Wifi connections that are somehow coupled with several common electronic gadgets available only in the toy department of a Target Store near you.
These hard to trace domains are currently proving near impossible for NSA computers to track down and block. Both FreakyPeaks and the its Punjabi spin-off- SneakySihks are now believed to be using radio towers atop some of the world's highest skyscraper to transmit their latest cable intercepts around the globe.
As a result of what many are referring to as "courageously defiant and intrepid advances in journalistic freedom", a fascinating tapestry of related news events- based upon the most recent cable leaks- indicate a plethora of startling, international affairs to ROOTERS most highly-trained seers.
KEEPING DPRK "DANGEROUS" RUMORED TO PROTECT SECRET INVESTMENTS!
A state of dire emergency is still abuzz in both Tehran and Pyongyang as they continue to frantically devise contingency plans and retaliatory strategies- in the event that recent war-games conducted between US and the ROK forces should begin to overstep what "Tehran and Pyongyang" perceive to be fair and decent military protocol. Diplomats from Tehran and Pyongyang are now contending that Washington DC- fueled by Geo-political theories furnished by America's Christian Coalition- are still maneuvering for any means by which to invade the two nations. Tehran and Pyongyang have both denied claims that American fast food giants McDonald's and Chuck E. Cheese's have been in secret negotiations to establish a chain of outlets in their countries.
Fearful convictions within the Iranian and North Korean camps seem to be fueled themselves on the wide-spread notion that both of those country's official, national news broadcasts are being blocked by the highly advanced "technology of American infidels". They contend that their heavily-censored, regularly scheduled news programs have been replaced by what appears to be near perfect copies of both the Iranian and North Korean TV news programs.
Venezuela's president Chavez recently stated at a state dinner that Hillary Clinton- by way of Spanish that was worse than his English- that the Iranian's and the North Koreans claims were groundless and based on too many subsequent viewings of classic Mission Impossible TV episodes.
The suspected hoax programs produced by what insiders refer to as "Hollywood DC" are being blamed for everything from bad eel-fishing revenues in North Korea, a rise in petroleum prices in Iran and the breakage rate of the cheap Chinese condoms which Hezbollah operatives use on teenage boy recruits during the rigors of their most secret training drills.
There is also wide spread speculation that the programming is intended to simply cut into the two countries market places by subliminally planting the urge to buy American goods. As a result of such theories, Tehran and Pyongyang are more than convinced that America is now shipping tons of new American food products laced with chemicals that induce consumers to carry on lengthy conversations with characters from McDonald's Land, such as the Hamburgler.
_________________________________________________________________________
March 8, 2011.
ROOTERS
Does the Legendary FFFFF Really Exist?
Due to heated uprisings developing in the Middle East, Indonesia, Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, North Korea, China, and Wisconsin, Tehran now claims that American mind-control foods are being trafficked into their country by way of smuggling routes which are controlled by CIA operatives- working under cover for the famous, international assistance program- FFFFF- Fast Food For Foreign Fiends.
Iranians who work for a series of American-Iranian owned TV networks that broadcast in the Middle East- argue that high levels of hysteria are being created by the Ayatollah's own rampant imagination. One source who wishes to remain anonymous stated, " Jihadists in Tehran have a new level of paranoid hyperbole. Wild speculation is being used to fill the average mind which pines for thrilling, action-packed entertainment with heart wrenching romantic sub-plots.
An analyst with the little known government subsidized AIRI- American Invasion Research Institute- corroborates by stating that "This is all evidence that Iran- just like the former USSR, Saddam Hussein's regime... and current entities such as the DPRK maintain a desperate bid hinging upon "very high-bluff to cloud very low-capabilities". He added that in short, "Such regimes, in an macho attempt to maintain their domestic power and image- must play a high stakes gambit- which they hope will at least motivate opposing forces to attempt appeasement by way of much needed aid."
He continued by adding, "Jihadists now believe the US is capitalizing on the vacuous condition of Iran. For lack of ample means of obtaining real Hollywood entertainment, all the men are pining to be a real life Bruce Willis, Will Smith, or Brad Pitt."..." Iranian propagandists now state that,. infidels are finding newer, sumptuous, and down right delicious ways of bolstering their control in the Middle East, so they can control everyone like hungry pack mules".
THREAT OF WORLD-WIDE JIHADIST FAST-FOOD CHAIN???
To retaliate, AIRI claims that Tehran is now feverishly at work laying the framework for a chain of internationally franchised restaurants selling crunchy falafels, hummus, and kebobs tainted with a secret drug- one former government scientist from Iran claims will make the customer very susceptible to subliminal messages within a Mosaic design found on the food-chains "take away" food product's wrappings.
Moderates on both sides of the fence- regardless of their food preferences- are contending that new threats may be mounting simply to counter the intelligence confusion for which WikiLeaks, FreakyPeaks, and SneakySihks have yet to be thanked for. Now there seems to be no differentiating between legitimate fears or simply unfounded paranoia. The effect of what despots still believe to be "deliberate leaks of false information" known as gray propaganda- both the DPRK and Iran now seem to be suffering from a noticeably increased info-meltdown. This void has the capacity of further undermining their foreign trade relations and increasing their levels of hostile behavior toward neighbors.
One ROOTERS analyst working deep-cover in a transmission post beneath a non-existent trading post 200 miles south of Kushchevskaya, Oklahoma has observed that "the two nations have always refused to nibble at the poisoned cheese and are now- like two frightened rats- forced into a corner from whence they must soon jump, claw, and bite.
Whether the pervasive fear that Iranian and DPRK new's programs are being secretly produced and transmitted by "Hollywood DC" is true or not is now irrelevant as the two countries struggle in what appears to be a hopeless struggle to boost public confidence and their wobbling trade markets. One cable intercepted from a Swedish diplomat's emails to a Russian airline hostess-sparrow has indicated that foreign relations strategists from Tehran who were recently treated to dinner in the near starving DPRK are now believed by some CIA insiders to have been effected by mind-control drugs put into their servings of spicy kimchi.
He is also convinced that North Korea's favorite food for disguising what Pyongyang watchers now refer to as BCP- Body Chemical Programming was first practiced on western tourists at the Pyongyang Restaurant in Phnom Penh, Cambodia and that the only known anecdote was heavy doses of Thailand's Mekong Whiskey served on the rocks with moderate amounts of Coca-Cola.
In conclusion, the Swedish diplomat indicated that WikiLeaks and other alternative news sources- are a key reason for the DPRK's new state of military belligerence. And that its effect in seeding conspiracy theories has also started to rip Iran's current government into non-halal shreds.
In other cables, NSA analysts in clumsily coded emails from a new listing post- code named Graceland- hidden in the foot hills of Tennessee, were quoted as stating that Pyongyang intends to ship many more missiles to Iran. The cable was intercepted by low-level Signal Corp clerks in Kentucky and was labeled "The Axis of Elvis. It mentions the shipment of the following North Korean missiles to Iran: 16 newly-tested, mid-range, Harem-Scarem missiles, 9 Spin-Out class missiles and 4 Double-Rubble class missiles.
The Washington Post, the New York Times, the Pentagon, the Vatican, and the inner core of Iran's intelligence apparatus- located in the Ayatollah's top-secret Summer Harem, are all holding their breath in anticipation of the fallout created by information which was accidentally intercepted by SneakySihk when a radio broadcast of America's Top 40 was affected by the eclipse of a full moon by a new DOD satellite.
Experts contend that it may be the most elaborate web of disinformation and spy-craft ever conceived, or the biggest foible since when- in the summer of '69- a hearing-impaired CIA analyst claimed to have decoded a bizarre message indicating that "John Lennon married Paul".
_________________________________________________________________________Asia Ops
No Clearance Approval!
No reprint allowed!
MILEY CYRUS & NE-YO BOTH TRAINED BY SECRET, HOLLYWOOD, DC OPERATIVES?
February 1, 2011.
American, Turkish and Egyptian film producers in a collaborative effort to produce the most sexually decadent music video ever- have been denied visas to Iraq where the video was slated to be produced featuring Miley Cyrus dressed in a transparent Muslim-burka and striking highly suggestive back-room-Byzantine poses, in and around some of the regions most famous mosques- as highly frustrated looking men look on. The video was slated to feature a song written for Miley by the world famous, singer-songwriter Ne-Yo.
Tehran's religious propaganda bureau- working overtime with highly trained, Islamist psychologists and translators highly fluent in BGPE- Bubble-Gum-Pop-English- content that the song is a cleverly crafted hypnotic time bomb which successfully programs old and young Iranian men to strip off all their clothing and start biting young boys on the buttocks.
Iranian-American psychologists who oppose this theory have contend that such behavior has been going on for years in Iran and has nothing to do with America's svengali-like influences. They argue that it is just Tehran's attempt to deter attention from themselves and blame America- with its vastly superior entertainment industry for their buttocks biting ways.
February 1, An undisclosed ROOTERS informant at the CIA cafeteria's ice-cream section stated that- news of this entertainment event has outraged the Shia-Muslim hierarchy of neighboring Iran, as well as other Muslim countries in the region. The source added that, intelligence sources in Tehran view this project as a war to destroy Muslim values and the near monopoly which Tehran has on the region's pistachio market.
The source added that, Tehran has been attempting to lay the framework for greater influence in Iraq's decision making by way of "Shadow Diplomacy" and terrorist missions- which have all been successfully thwarted in the Kurdistan region since 2003.Iran's security bureau has begun demanding that Miley Cyrus confess her Jezebel ways before Allah and submit herself to what Iran watchers refer to as "Tehran's own religious SS" that she could undergo a highly publicized series of public lashings. They have also requested that she wear the same provocative attire slated for the proposed video while being lashed.
Between sumptuous bites of butter-pecan and chocolate-mint ice-cream, the source stated that, NSA communications specialists had successfully intercepted communications which indicated that an Iranian music video producer- related to the Ayatollah- has been selected to film the event in its entirety- in order to educate Iranian children of the dangers of vastly inferior forms of non-Muslim decadence.
A former Iranian diplomat to Easter Island- now working for an undisclosed fruit company in North Korea that is believed by IRS officials to have banking connections with Cambodia's slowly advancing space program- suggested- to Swedish diplomats in Pyongyang- that the Iranian production of any video depicting the lashing of Miley Cyrus in provocative attire- would most certainly be put on sale in secret, back-alley video shops disguised as religious training centers in Tehran's most piously-religious areas- identified by their abject poverty, sexual desperation, and general state of fear and paranoia.
Off-shore bankers and experts on what is known in intelligence circles as improper-ganda- have suggested that such video shops are actually under the direct control of Iran's top religious leaders. One Iranian diplomat attending happy hour at Hooter's in Tyson's Corner, Virginia has adamantly denied these allegations and indicated that Tehran may choose to retaliate by increasing shipments of: out-of-date fashion magazines, boring soap operas with nebulous moral themes, and moldy pistachios- that Chinese quality control experts have already rejected.
This scandalous discovery has rattled major religions to the very core! Yet, only a week after this conflict arose- a thick cloud of secrecy had already begun to fall upon northern Iraq- as Bible scholars and secular archeologists- all sworn to secrecy by Iraq's parliament and intelligence operatives representing Iraq, the US, and the UK began to descend upon a tightly guarded area close to the Syrian border.
Frequent road side checks between the Iranian border and the Kurdish town of Masef- are being conducted by what are rumored to be Iranian imitators of northern Iraq's security force. This fake Pehesh Merga- is described as highly intimidating- particularly for those bearing light-complexions and tight-fitting jeans.
In the northwest sector of Iraq- toward the Syrian-Turkish borders- soldiers bearing solid black uniforms- charged with diverting traffic to recently made archaeological discoveries- are believed to be a top-secret strike force squadron dispatched by the innermost sanctum of the Vatican- temporarily legitimized by a hefty contribution to the KRG- Kurdistan Regional Government.
Masses of obsessed curiosity seekers and intrepid journalists are still attempting to enter the region- arriving in convoys armed to the teeth and guarded by security teams that are provided by former employees of ousted security contractors- disguised as heavy-drinking-sexually-promiscuous-Christan-missionaries-become ESL teachers- on an evangelistic mission in order to somehow procure funds from the US Department of Defense.
CNN analysts are wondering why this region of Iraq is now generating so much interest.
BBC experts on the Middle East are all mystified by just why eccentrics from all over the world seem to be magnetized by this region and are homing in on it. Yet, ROOTERS has just discovered that it is all due to an archaeological discovery which could very well unveil the greatest discovery of the ages.
Their mission- according to ROOTER'S own Middle East R&I analysts - has its roots in the recent, amazing, discovery of an ancient letter uncovered from the colophon of an Armenian-Christian manuscript of the gospels. This discovery which archaeologists of all religious backgrounds agree will have stunning impact on the geopolitics of the region- was written in 1200 by a bi-sexual priest who had been exiled from the region after having been observed cavorting with farm animals during a festival in celebration of Saint Francis of Asseasy Day.
Even more significantly, the document- which was never canonized- has been found by scholars of all religious backgrounds to be the most significant discovery since that of a four- cornered, Sumerian wheel.
An exert from the letter found below, conveys a stunning blow to conventional ideas about how at least some of the scriptures which Christians hold sacred- were delivered to us.
" Let Christ-God bless Khoja Hovhanes Mughdusi, from Kurdistan, who made a pilgrimage to Jerusalem and took the holy Gospels from the aliens."
The passage has caused a fierce debate to escalate from the Iraqi parliament to even the innermost, sanctums of the Vatican- causing Bible scholars, UFO-groups, members of fundamentalist Christian groups and even various terrorist factions from countries surrounding Iraq great concern. It is thought by many that the church may harbor an anti-chamber containing additional manuscripts- which can further explain the supposed presence of space aliens in Jerusalem during the 12th century.
According to one analyst with the US Embassy in Baghdad, this phenomenal discovery may be the reason why several known Iranian intelligence operatives in the region of northern Iraq seem to be attempting to destabilize the otherwise peaceful area by way of secret arms shipments and the wide-spread bribery of officials.
The source went on to state that, "They appear to be training their eyes and even rifle scopes on American Christian missionaries who are currently residing in Iraq's northern region under the guise of teaching English in an effort to convert Muslims to what one ROOTERS reporter has referred to as a Corporate-Friendly-American-Christianity- with other nicknames prevailing such as: Punch & Cookie Christianity , Chip & Dip Christianity, and Burger & Coke Christianity.
Several months ago, Farsi-speaking linguists and code-breaking software on loan from the Vatican's top secret intelligence facilities on an undisclosed international space station orbiting what NASA officials refer to as "Planet X" intercepted several burst-code transmissions played backwards underneath the audio of Iran's Radical Hits of the 60's radio program.
The intercepts indicate that Hezbollah operatives who regularly meet for lunch at the Burger King restaurant in the Iraqi town of Sulaimani (when there's a lunch special) were discussing how insurgent-snipers are now insisting upon special perks and benefits other than the standard (US) $2,000 paid by Tehran for the murder of any Christan missionary in Iraq- who happens to look and act like the cartoon character Ned Flanders- of the wildly successful animated TV series The Simpsons.
Diplomatic sources close to the Iran's Ayatollah have suggested this is in retaliation for a T-shirt advertised on the internet as the Ayatollah Asshola Simpsons T-Shirt. Thousands of these T-shirts- all of which were donated to Iran by international relief organizations- have been rounded up in Tehran's main bazaar and burned in a huge bonfire along with those wearing them.
UFO researchers, Christian cults, and even sexually degenerate psychics, ass well ass owners of fake humanitarian and Christian organizations in Iraq's northern region have all assisted each other in their pilgrimage to further knowledge, at least attempting to arrive by the bus loads- only to suffer the horrendous and uncertain fate of special rendition to the Vatican's secret inquisition center buried somewhere in the depths of the isle of Malta.
Another source has stated that- he believes that many rumors are being developed in a highly orchestrated attempt to cover-up what is thought to be a literally underground- swinging singles club for jet-setting VIPs and leaders- many of whom are unknown now- but are being groomed to take high positions of leadership- after a coming world crisis which is scheduled to begin the day after the full moon of the ancient festival of Yule Tide- which also happens to be the last day of the Mayan calendar in the year 2012.
He elaborated by saying that these people gather regularly in a lavish, underground cavern found in Iraq's north-most region. It is said to be large enough to house the Sistine Chapel. The source also stated that, 500 meters underground- by way of stainless steel elevators designed by NASA- can be found an exclusive club owned by none other than Larry Flint- of Hustler magazine fame.
Additional CABLE SNIPPETS:
RISQUE VIDEO FOOTAGE VEXES IRAN
Risque video footage- secretly filmed there by a former investigative reporter for Penthouse magazine- who now works for the DOD in Baghdad- vividly illustrates the extent of sexual depravity and wanton abandon which is now being (at least secretly tolerated) in Iraq's northern region. As rumors of this night life scene begin to slowly swell and undulate- mostly male, operatives of America's Christian Coalition who are secretly embedded with the Department of State- have secured a special grant from the Rand Corporation to assist them in combing the region on weekends- in a bid to learn of its exact location- so they can wage an extensive, under-cover investigation, posing as very happy, regular customers.
News of this in secret diplomatic circles has caused Turkish Tourism Authorities to be deeply concerned. They are afraid that it may represent a growing trend which could damage their country's growing and throbbing sex-tourist business and cause them to detour from Istanbul's Byzantine-back-alley-belly-dancing establishments- replete with call girls who take turns smoking a customer's nagila.
________________________________________________________________________
JAPANESE SEX-TOURS PREFER TURKEY OVER IRAQ!
Shortly after the fall of Babylon, Japanese sex-tourists in particular began whining that Iraq was unable to compete with Turkish delights. Cultural anthropologists concur that it is most likely due to the vast number of young Iraqi females who fall victim to what is commonly referred to in conservative Muslim circles as "female circumcision". This practice- involving the cutting-off of a newly pubescent female's clitoris to prevent her from ever obtaining a natural level of sexual enjoyment- also eliminates her natural desire to flirt, taunt, and tease males. Unfortunately, the tendency to nag seems endemic to other aspects of the female psyche which are not effected by this barbaric procedure.
To most Kurdish-Muslims and non-Muslims alike- this practice is considered to be a hideous form of sexual mutilation which not only retards the healthy hormonal development of an individual, but leads to a plethora of psychologically damaging effects which negatively effect the entire society.
Shia insurgents from Iran- have recently been commissioned to create heated debates on the subject amongst Iraq's northern region of Kurdistan. These debates usually attract large crowds from which an Iranian co-operative cheers and applauds over enthusiastically. When not amassing large crowds, these same Iranian sleeper-insurgents tend to shops in northern Iraq's low-rent areas- posing as extremely bored shopkeepers. Newly operational, high- altitude UAVs- Unmanned Aerial Vehicles- that are powered by powerful satellite-mounted lasers with a loiter time of approximately 18 hours have been keeping these men under surveillance before and after their staged dramas- when they have little else to do other than gather around kabob shops complaining about their non-existent Kurdish wives' humongous buttocks and generally puffy appearances.
As a result of this new operation, six Christian missionaries who were posing very successfully as inept ESL teachers for a security service - were kidnapped just last week while shopping for used, crotchless panties in a famous thrift market. Nevertheless, many Christian-operatives are stubbornly insisting that their kidnapped colleagues were whisked away to heaven by what is known as a rapture experience.
_________________________________________________________________________
CHRISISTIAN INTEL-ORGS & OTHER OXY-MORMONS
February 5, 2011.
ROOTERS
According to one backslider from the Christian-intelligence organization known as CRAP- Christian Republicans Against Pistachios- charged with the task of increasing right-wing, chicken-hawk-stupidity and hubris in the heartland of America- is suspected of having persuaded the Vatican, the Iranian Air Force and the Turkish Air Force to increase their frequency of bombing sorties in Kurdistan's surrounding mountain regions- in a bid to discourage travel by what one Iranian official has referred to as Cloak & Dagger Christians". The source added that this has been going on since Cheney was controlling the White House in 2008.
When quizzed on this subject in 2009, by Aljazeera reporters, Mr. Cheney reportedly answered with a trite, "You know too much Van Helsing!" as he dove into a near by black limo and speed away into a moonless, Tuesday night.
Since the shocking interpretation of the ancient Jerusalem-Space Alien Connection was first dug up and leaked to the Italian press in mid-August of 2010, a fire-storm of controversy has threatened to further destabilize the Middle East as Shiite, Sunni, and now Christian tribes are all vying for control of the area thought to contain the controversial writings.
_________________________________________________________________________
DIRECTOR "QT" SCRIPTED & DIRECTED KIDNAPPING?
ROOTERS
Recently, a low-budget Japanese film director who claimed he was location-scouting in the region to do a very antiquated rip-off on a Quentin Tarantino rip-off which was indirectly funded by the American director, was taken hostage in the region. Shortly thereafter, several entertainment moguls in Hollywood apparently called Tehran to express their deepest gratitude.
Aljazeera's entertainment desk has indicated that, a man who looks a lot like Quentin Tarrantino and who first aroused suspicions after having added 72 packets of sugar to his coffee at Bahrain's international airport's McCafe- is being held for questioning by authorities, regarding any possible involvement.
___________________________________________________
UPDATE ON US STUDENT-SPY-JOURNALIST-RAPPERS
Three Americans who over a year before had claimed to be journalists in Iraq (before straying into Iran illegally just after filming a tongue-in-cheek rap video have decided to go "Gangsta Rap" after spending slow time in on of Iran's notorious prisons. While there, they apparently struck a deal with the manager of former folk rock legend Cat Stevens and will begin a mosque tour sponsored by Campus Crusade for Allah during Ramadan of 2013- approximately a year after the Mayan calendar suggests the world will no longer exist.
Some radical Christian-backed political groups still argue that they were abducted by Iranian's border patrol inside Iraqi territory and then brain-washed, while some eccentric Christian cult-group followers are claiming they were abducted by either Muslim-aliens pretending to be Christian-aliens, or aliens pretending to be Shia Muslims dressed in Iranian border patrol uniforms.Roadside bombings in the region have greatly increased convictions that an international conspiracy has been created to thwart people's attempt to find the ancient church which they believe holds the key to many unsolved historical mysteries.
___________________________________________________
Special Thanks To SneakySihks for The Following Cable:
WILD TURKS FLY FAR SOUTH FOR THE WINTER!
Highly-trained computer technicians and hackers working for Iran in an attempt to prevent more American Christians from seeping into Iraq- began mounting a cyber-terrorism campaign which involved developing a virus which could weave its way from Google and Wikipedia search engines into NSA, DIA, DOD, and CIA computers- in a bid to confuse people regarding the location of Iraq's Kurdistan region with the US state of Kentucky.The project is rumored to have succeeded in making several Turkish fighter planes fly very far off course. While Pentagon denies there is any truth to the claim, alternative news sources now claim that the Turkish Air Force- while targeting a KPP-terrorist encampment they thought was in northern Kurdistan- actually bombed a KFC outlet in Louisville, Kentucky.
Another Turkish plane was supposedly forced to crash land in a Wall-Mart parking lot just outside of Palestine, Texas, as yet another attempted to land on a ranch in Medina, Texas.
The rumored results of this campaign have had Iran's shadow diplomat to Iraq-Brig. General Sulaimani- promising to fund an additional project such as the switching out of cell phones to Iraqi officials with ones containing spy-ware. A more ambitious project will possibly involve the importation of CD compilations of Cat Stevens Greatest Hits of the 70s containing subliminal messages such as- Tea for the Taliban.
Follow WORLD NEWS Developments With ROOTERS Daily.
All Blogs & Artickles by JBB.
Email Contact: [email protected]
840 views Share 
Blog entries More entries >
-
Atsushi Muroga's Sci-Fi Episode: Kill Pigs!
Friday, May 25, 2012 2:32PM
-
Invasion of the Movie Alien Monster Methaphors
Sunday, May 20, 2012 3:02PM
-
Invasion of the Movie Alien Monster Methaphors
Sunday, May 20, 2012 3:02PM
-
Remember Bangkokdad SFX 2010.
Sunday, May 6, 2012 6:59PM
-
Convenience Marriage 权宜婚姻
Friday, Apr 27, 2012 4:09AM
Entry comments (1)