this is going haywired but im not affected by it.


being guilty of sending those smses to me and afraid of me showing that to dad and mum. saying im such a backstabber? why afraid? if you meant nothing at all in the first place? come on, dont act like as if you are right when you are so damn bloody wrong.


acting fillial? i dun have to. its meant to be.. WHO PROMISE TO KEEP MUM ACCOMPANY AT HOME WHILE IM OUT FOR A NIGHT OUTING? AND ENDED UP GOING OUT FOR MOVIES WITH FRIENDS. NOT EVEN BOTHERED TO THINK THAT DAD IS STILL OUT MAHJONGING NEEDING SOMEONE TO FETCH! AND LEAVING MUM HOME ALONE HIDING IN THE ROOM! FARKER!


i had been home with hubby to keep mum accompany all THESE while. and i didnt complain at all. blame on who! ass. go on your blog typing all these rubbish trying to act like a victim and show all the cousins in brunei? please la. one way to gain pity? omg .. trying to gain pity on kids. any other better choices?


i dont even bother if i will be in good terms with all the cousins.. cos in the end its all on our own ways. treating cousins more like same blooded sisters rather than me...


i accused her... asked herself then if ALL i had said was the FACT or was it something i LIE about. i dont have to accuse. everyone in this family has got eyes to see.


no point dad telling me all those in the sms-es. this is no longer about kinship between us in the family. she never treated me like her own sister, when i always spare a thought for her. whenever i go out. i will try to buy things home for her. dont she remember the times i looked after her without complains?


did she really remember it??? did she even put that in her heart? NO!


i was watching sister's keeper last night online. at first i thought the younger sister was so heartless. she dont even wanted to save her elder sister whose kidney is of 0 working power.


the younger sister is only 11yrs old . she dont have the rights to make decisions on any operations, parents are the ones deciding it. therefore she went to look for a lawyer herself and wanted to sue her parents.


and yes i thought she was so FARKING heartless not wanting to save her sister. but i was wrong. when the older sister kate knew she was sick. knew things are getting worse. she threw her temper as and when. but the younger sister will never abandon her. and eventually stay by kate's side.


and walk down till then. everyday she is looking ater kate. feeding. cleaning her up, keeping an eye on kate. everything! and the judge did ask the little sister, if she was sick n tired of looking after kate. she said no. becos thats her sister. she loved her. always love her.


then... till the end... the brother couldnt take it anymore. kate was in the hospital dying. while the family is in court fighting over the rights...


finally.. truth is out. actually kate was the one who asked the 2 of them to go against the will of going for operation. kate wanted to die. she had walked on too long. she is tired. and she is all ready to go.

the mother couldnt believe. but what to do. its the fact. in the end... kate left this world peacefully. the family had to carry on.


the sister's love is nothing to be compared. and thoughts ran into my mind. thinking back the times i spend my whole time and energy to look after her. but in the end... wat did i get.. nothing but trying to accuse me all the way for saying im backstabbing her.. WHY MUST I DO THAT!


if i really hate her.. i will not lay my tears on what she said. i will not lay my tears everyday when i see her in bed. bleeding in her nose, her mouth. she cant eat. i accompany her for all her check ups. i check on her every once in a while.


mum and i took the turns to look after her. even when i know i have to work. sales line is 10times energy using than any other normal office clerk do.


i walked into the music scene she never supported me. she always look down on me. but on the other way round. whatever she wants to do. i just supported her and let her do it.


why? if i talk against her she get pissed. and started the quarrels.. wat is the point?i dont like quarrels ever since my relatives passed away. SHE thinks that we are all happy all squeezing in mum's room to have dinner...did she ever thought that my guy n i will be home for dinner? and thats our habit.


no... her friends n herself.. happily eating. like WOW.. yes finishing up all the food. damn you!


mum was alone in her room. she looked pale. she was hungry. who cares?


i did not purposely show my care and concern for mum or dad. i do all these cos mum is not feeling good anymore. she is utterly sad that every night. dad is out for mahjong. she is hidding in her room if not out for whatever shit if not mahjong at home.. who ever talks to mum heart to heart.


its only when my guy started all the talks and i tried to work things out for mum to make her feel better. everyone will definitely know how it feels like being lonely at night knowing you have everyone in the family but its all empty. no one to talk to.


she cant keep up with what we daughters are doing. she cant talk heart to heart to us. due to all our tempers. so what if she is those rushing kind. she is still our mother. we might whinning over it. but so? matter is over. we dont remember it.


we dont have to say such harsh words at all. ask herself. if her words WERE RIGHT in the first place. ask herself if she WAS right in the first place. DID she made a MISTAKE in the first place?


LISTEN TO YOUR HEART and ASK YOURSELF ABT IT!


GO ON~ didnt know that dad's case is a serious one. dad cant be upset or angry or stress anymore. he can get stroke anytime.


knowing nothing thinking that things are not serious. ENJOY UR FARKING LIFE instead! wait till dad and mum dies. i do not want to see tat farking crying face. its no time to regret or to be guilty for anything anymore.


dun force her to the brim. wat can she do? kill me? go ahead. she never liked me this sister in the first place. saying things that are wrong. she never listens to mum's heart. mum told me what she said in the smses.

and mum said she was utterly depressed over it. BECOS she will imagine that her own flesh and blood will say such a thing.


i say her INHUMAN i am RIGHT. i did nth wrong. for so long did i ever push in to quarrel on.. dad always asked me to give in to her. why... cos he said... my sister's temper is like tat.. why not i give it.. then quarrels will stop. ya.. dad always say that.


and wat can i do.. i always give in.. did i ever say mum n dad bias again? no i didnt. cos dad n mum clarify everything with me before. and many people talk things out with me. jalaine, my guy, sheena , karen and some others i dun wanna mention names. for private sake.


and i stand on my parents point of view. did we treat her bad? did my guy treat her like an outsider before? we didnt. even when we are buying things for dad and mum. hubby will always ask me.. wanna get it for your sister? everyone thinks for her. but did she think for anyone?


i tried to give in in all ways.. she wanna meet whoever. ok.. i get my guy to intro. she wanna go where.. ask me tag along.. out of 10times how many times did i say no? ask herself. how many times did i reject her? ask herself once again.


whenever she has got no money who gave her the money. i dont have much money left.. but i still gave it to her. she needs it. ok fine. i dont complain over it.


i never stab her at all.. i dont go behind her back telling stories... everything had been found out by dad n mum themselves.. how they find it out.. u cant ask me.. how the hell would i know..somethings i kept it private i dont say it.. but dad and mum still finds out and still question me over it..

but did i confront her and say hey u bitch u must be the one telling dad n mum. i know i did it. so? i just have to admit it. no point denying it will eventually hurt my loved ones.


i officially cut ties with her.. not becos i hate her. its becos.. i find it no point staying as kins when i know i will be taken for granted in the end. my guy will be taken for granted in the end.


i rather not having any kins attending my wedding the next time round. i rather not having any kins by my side in future to help me if i have problems in the future.


the more people gathers in. the more troubles will come out. i chose to stay away. i dont like things going complicated.

had she put herself in any of the family members' shoes.. no she didnt. i dont do things for nothing. i do it for a reason. a good reason.


i dont make music for nothing.. i make music.. yes.. i do want to get famous.. i want my band's EP to sell.. to earn! i wanna go everywhere to perform at this age to achieve something at least to make dad n mum proud while they are still around.


i did nth to make them proud at all all these years... since the day i was born.. i didnt do anything to make them really happy. i only make them upset, angry disappointed. i know it all.


and i didnt step back into that path now.. i wanna make things better. i want this family to really be like one family. but i was wrong.


dad tried his best but again he knew he cant do it on his own.

i shall end here...

she chose to hate. and not to love and forget.  then thats it..


be it in the end dad n mum forgives her... give her a warm hug love her again. and im out of this circle.. im ok. im used to it.


going for kiang's concert later.. hopefully can come home before mum sleeps.


since event is going to end at 9pm. sighs... going to see lots of people tonight. ngak, clement, ken and all, i dont know if jim and alll will be there but 100 over tixs... all are from people in G77.. so... i guess i will have to smile REALLY big and talk really alot tonight.


even if i know my mood isnt that well afterall.. but thanks to hubby by my side to make mum n dad happy. thanks. spending the money time and energy on this family... love you.



gones

I started out in a nice peaceful family...




i've got very nice big family in brunei and Singapore. aunts and uncles. grandparents.
i was so blessed. i was glad i was born this way..




a really really nice grandpa. in his arms since i was younger.
i really had no complains about it. its all worth it.

But things arent fine afterall when im slowly growing up. i learnt all the bad habits. i lied, i steal, i bully, i scolded vulgarities.of cos.. who did i pick up from? the one sat RIGHT next to me.




and from there i became worse BUT someone was even deep down cheaper than i do.
she took up the "gang" thing at the age of 11yrs old. she started smoking at the age of 13yrs old. she started running away from school since 14yrs old. she started liking girls at the age of 14yrs old.

she started her 1st drug taking at the age of 15yrs old. and she became that uncontrollable since the age of 10yrs old. she started bullying me treating me like a dog ever since i was 3yrs old.

i had to go her ways no matter what. if not she will start scolding me all the vulgarities or start to take my things away and destroy them. was she an angel? decision is all up to all readers.




soon of cos we had all grown up. my dad and mum started to age. my cousin had grown up too. this favourite aunt of mine. eventually didnt see the ugly side of HER. my aunt treated her so well. And i was always the leftovers. im someone who cant express myself neither do i like to be closer to any of the relatives.


thats me and i only chose to stick to dad and mum so close ever since my grandfathers were gone. my 2 uncles in brunei were gone. the whole family in brunei departed. mum was upset so do i but hatres over rule those saddness in me.


humans are greedy. humans will never feel enough of anything. they would rather keep that high quality life to keep up with this society THAN to rather stay simple and peaceful.


i used to be like that. but now. i chose to go the simple and peaceful way. as long as it enough to use them. i have them. im fine. i will no longer ask for more.


dad got me a credit card as my 21st old bday present. and i over spend them all from time to time and i always said i will learn my lesson but at the end it only lasted for a month or two.


i got my job, im earning good. but becos i loved her so much. during all her operations, my heart had never rested. keeping her accompany in the hospital the whole day. keeping awake in the middle of the nights to serve her. during her mahjong sessions. when i have to work a morning shift the next day.


i didnt complained. dad and mum were touched by it. she WAS greatful about it. she smsed me touching messages. and i believed her. but it ended in a way. she got herself a beautiful face at the end.


she slimmed down. she got all the appearance she wanted. she spend on even more about slimming down her thighs and everything. by going for slimming packages but she stopped after a while..


why? bcos she said it dont work. why? she dont exercise and she still eat that much. spending thousands and hundreds on those and yet telling us it dont work while the others worked so well.


her attitude, behaviour and temper became uncontrolable... she made herself look as if she was so rich. she made herself look as if she was that 100% perfect girl and daughter. she made herself lose her temper easily every now and then.


she said by changing her looks, she will have the confident to look for a HR job in hotels. dad gave her a 3rd chance to study. she holds on a higher cert than i do. BUT i can easily get a accounting assistant job. BUT she.. became fussy over jobs.


and finally, she became so materialistic. working in small hotels, she can earn faster, and promoted faster. introduced by her friend. she went for interview. she was in. the WHOLE family went high and low to look for working top and pants FOR her.


yes, we thought it was a success finally she is working.. her official FIRST job at the age of 23. she never faced the society before. while i did for the past 2yrs. be it my performances or my job. i hold a sales job afterall..


she went to work on the first day. 2nd day, she worked half a day and mention she had a very bad headache. eat panadol then. but eventually dad had to fetch her. 3rd day, off to work as usual. and 4th day, her off day. she mentioned, "im sick of the job, becos of it i missed all my mahjong sessions, my dramas online, my time surfing the net, my time meeting up my friends."


i was so pissed. i scolded her, "if you cant work this way, why did you even take up this job? you can just reject it. work only for 2days not even a 3days. you work for nothing no pay no nothing. all you have to do is waking up at 5am in the morning, take a CAB to work using dad's money, start work at 7am and ends at 7pm, but you have nothing much to do as a receptionist".


when i worked, i didnt take a cab at all. i always take a mrt or bus to work. i buy lunch boxes at work. i dont have fixed timing for breaks. i have to look after the shop myself. i have to earn sales myself. i was glad. i could give the shop an earning of 5 to 600 per day. at far east plaza. in a tiny shop. selling heels which ranges from $30 onwards.


i start work at 11am and end work at 9pm. who is worse? i dont earn commission from there. i have no OT pays. i simply just take my $4.50/per hr pay home monthly. then the next sales job. selling art glass jewelleries. full timer with OT. i only earn $1240. monthly and i have to work everyday, only an off on monday. worked from 10am to 10pm in the night. all alone as well.


then mum and dad complained that its too hectic its time to convert to part time. of cos. my company allows me to do that. becos i earn at least $1k profit a day. alone. no commission as well.


so i changed to $5.50 per hr. i worked 5days. 10am to 8pm a day. and i take home $900 a month.


all these. im someone who makes sure i dress up well and make up well before i goes to work. due to the line im in. i have to wake up at 7am. taking a train. i have to buy my breakfast or even at times i dont take my breakfast.


i transfer from branch to branch. parkway parade, orchard or vivocity. its hectic. my life had been so bad. my band was gone. my life was so mono. but all these money.. during my 2nd job. all goes to HER.. i dote her. i buy lots of things for her to kill her time off at home when recovering.


i take cabs here and there to rush home to rush to work from day to day. and i didnt use dad's money at all. i stopped taking money from him ever since i got my 1st full time pay.


and here today. she took everything for granted. she enjoyed herself so much. she didnt listen to anyone anymore. dad has to go for his medical appointment in the afternoon yesterday. so she had to help dad out by driving him over to his doc and deliver the doc. to all the schools. dad will not be able to driver after his arms are wrapped.


she didnt bother. she said.. " i played mahjong till so late plus mum just sms me and scold me like fark and my appointment for mahjong is in the evening".


she said im a big mouth to tell dad n mum all the message we had during an arguement on sunday.


why is she so afraid of me telling them? you dare to say those things.. then be sure to hold the consequences in the end. she mentioned INHUMAN. as long as she said it. and it refers to mum. she was wrong be it wat kind of tone you are using or what other meaning she had.


its all excuses. she could only scold me on the phone and asked me to take over dad's business. even if today dad only allow her to take over. she wouldnt want it. PLUS she can drive and i cant. and she can tell me.. "do you know the pain of a driver?"


dad does that EVERYDAY. and what about her? she only becomes the driver when she wants to use the car.


i've never seen such a pea brain person who can use this reason to argue back. im in charge of all the pc work in dad's office. does she know how to do that? she dont.. why? cos she doesnt wants to learn at all when dad offer to teach.


who to blame.. TELL ME WHO TO BLAME! mum dropped her tears in the living room last night when she heard me quarreling so loud on the phone. dad and mum were helpless and i cant stop her from all these evil doings.


dad got me a new credit card. and what i did. i cut it off and burn it. this time round if you were to ask me to buy anything i cant. cos its all new numbers i didnt memorise it.


she said she will die if someday dad passed away by any acident. to be true as wat i said. " your farking life is cheap, even if you die 10times you will not be able to pay back dad's life"


SHE SAID I CREATED ALL THESE. touch you own heart and ask yourself truly. how different are you from the woman in brunei. ALL THE SAME! JUST WAITING FOR DAD AND MUM TO DIE. SO THAT YOU CAN HAVE THIS CONDO UNDER YOU, THE SHOP UNDER YOU. U CAN SELL THE SHOP AT HIGH PRICE. YOU JUST WANTED ALL THE MONEY. EVEN MY OWN EARNING IN THE BANK. MY TOTAL AMOUNT IS HIGH THAN YOURS. YOU ALSO COMPLAIN AND END UP. HALF OF MY PAY HAS TO GOES TO YOU IF ONE DAY WE SPLIT THE MONEY UP!


im going insane.. i really am. i received dad's sms this afternoon. he beg me to ignore that person from now on. dad just want to be happy to have peace in the family. i told him im pissed very pissed. i cant allow her to do this. dad told me a long paragraph of things that touched my heart badly.


and i believe dad had finally let go of her. dad, im sure she will not regret nor upset one day. becos she will never know how much you had done in the family quietly all these years. she will be the same forever.


and someday she will go around begging her friends or even me. for money for anything. dad im sorry but i've vow to god. i had cut off ties with her from now on. so, pardon me. but what rui n i promised you. we will do it. and we will never let it fade away at all..same goes to mum.


BITCH, WATCH OUT. THIS IS HOW I WANT YOU TO DIE. YES, I WANT YOU TO SUFFER. YES I DID IT ALL. I COMPLAIN, I TOLD EVERYONE YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS. EVERYONE, THE COMMON FRIENDS OF OURS ALL KNOW ABOUT THE DIRTY SIDE OF YOU. CONTINUE YOUR ONLINE FLIRTING WITH SOME UNKNOWN GUYS. WHO DONT KNOW YOU ARE DESPERATE FOR A BF NOW. BUT TOO BAD YOU DONT HAVE THAT LUCK. THIS IS THE END OF YOU. DAD AND MUM CAN TREAT U WELL SOON. BUT REMEMBER. ALL THESE ARE FOR THE SAKE OF ME NOT YOU. YOU THINK YOU HAD GROWN UP.. THINK TWICE. WHAT DID YOU DO IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE.


AND ALSO. SINCE YOU MENTIONED, I WAS BORN A MISTAKE. LET ME COMPLETE YOU SENTENCE. IF I WAS BORN A MISTAKE, THEN YOU ARE DEFINITELY BORN A BIG MISTAKE.


end of here. got to get ready for jamming. i think im going to be late again.

had been really screwed last whole week. was so in a mess and at last dropped dead in the end..

i couldnt attend my band's jamming, i couldnt get my bass solo done.

i couldnt get the SCIM closing gig at Homeclub for 2009 Design done.

i couldnt get the work in office done perfectly.. almost there.

i couldnt have enough rest and time for myself, therefore im hay wired.

i couldnt control my temper even till now.. and everyone around me is suffering. forgive me pls..


sheena got the vocals recorded on time. although its really very very last minute. BUt, its better than never be done. it wasnt that well done but at least there is something there. there will be more changes to be made and of cos sheena will have to practice really hard on her vocals.


got the materials for the scim gig ready, just have to complete the design by this week and then i can get it printed before my relatives come to singapore next weekend. >.< my room......


my bass solo will be ready before jamming on this wednesday. again yes. the full band is back. have no intention of getting a 5th member just yet. since we dont have the intention to gig for time being till we get all our 5 tracks done perfectly and in for recording... :)


im so ready! and yes! my killer still hanging in G77... not SOLD.. therefore.. im considering to bring it back on wed... shall not bring my bass down.. shall use my white princess for jamming and then bring it back.


i think i still love my 2 princesses.. afterall.. :) i still need them with me even if they are gone case or not friendly using.

really heavy storm throughout the weekends and got me really panicking in the middle of the night while hubby was soundly alseep. sometimes being a human with knowledges is wrong. when you get to know so many stuff and all trapped in your mind.

and that is when i started having really funny thoughts. storms link to floods link to typhoon link to earthquakes or even tsunamis...


was reading some articles on end of the world.. some said 2060 some said 2040 some said 2012 and some even said.. from 2025 to 2060 is the start and end of the destroy of this earth and we will be living in mars by then.. blah blah.

saying stones will start floating, japan, thailand, or wherever will disappear as water will cover up them all, some said we will be living in north pole one of the icy layers whereby humans will be safe there during the end of the world..

and even said that the earth is moving out of the rotating lines of the 9 planets... and thats why we are so close to the end of the world we will all die of diseases or wars rather than natural disasters.

SEE! proven! why do i have to be so itchy hand and eyes to search on such things! ridiculous!

anyways, things turn bad in G77 on friday night. or saturday night? ok.. one of the nights. the part timer hubby got who worked for him pretty long already. YES was also the sessionist for my band in the latest homeclub gig in OCT.

JONATHAN. after all these years i've cool down not hating people at all. this is the 1ST person i got so pissed after all these silent years.


the regular big cilent of the studio. is a church band. so for rules and regulations for a JAMMING STUDIO. we all know. if the owner of the studio let the band in LATE, the band will be able to jam slighty longer.

therefore, if doors are only open at 745pm, for a 2hrs 30mins jamming. your door should only close at 10 15pm.. BUT this fella is very daring enough, he went into the studio to call the band to pack up at only 10 08pm.

and he THREATEN the band if they dont stop on the spot he will switch off all lights and lock them up. AND the studio is only locked and unlock-able from outside.

therefore, when the band mention they agreed to pack up on the spot, this fella didnt bothered and just switched off the lights and locked the band inside. the band consist of 20people. the worst thing is, he can eventually WALK back into the shop and told one of the bosses that, " hey, i lock them up in the studio" and also in a very attitude way..


this fella didnt drink while the bosses were. the boss quickly went to the studio and unlock them. AND was the boss who apologised on that fella's behalf. and YET, that fella cant be bothered, he stayed in the shop and just went home after that.

i knew hubby will be worried sick over his studio plus the band left their stuff in the studio and the boss didnt know so he locked it up after the band got out. and went home. so both of us went down to the studio.

let the band take their stuff and had a small talk over this issue. they made a police report on it and from the way i see them, they are all matured adults, mothers with kids and all. so therefore i believe they will not lie to us about the incident. and we are very sure is jonathan who started it. it has not been the first time bands complained about this attitude. and especially the church band. jonathan treated them like animals.

and what the hell! i was so pissed. eventually i clear up the room with hubby till its really neat and tidy and then we went off.

the next day, jonathan reached the shop, clement and hubby started bombing him and SACK him. that jonathan can eventually say.. "report police so what, come la!" wow... hero of the day? sorry NO.. he is just a sucker for the day. he had done such wrong things creating such a mess out of it.. and yet showing those attitudes...

i smsed him and scolded him. BUT i did not use any harsh words. i eventually told him off..and he thought police reports are nothing. the fact he was wrong.

and today, monday afternoon. he went down to the shop again, giving back the keys and say.. he QUIT omg!!! didnt he heard that on SUNDAY afternoon, G77 HAD already SACK him?

trying to show off or something, the boss who unlock the doors that night was at the shop too. they were all busy clearing up the old shop AND the boss asked jonathan to helped END UP he said.. "no..CANNOT" in a very attitude way.

WHAT IS THIS! om so freaked out by it. he better dont turn up on wednesday, im sure i will teach him a VERY good lesson. dont try to test my patience. he had enough of the job? he cant tahan anymore? WAT DID THE SHOP DO TO HIM!!!!

the bosses in the shop had never scolded him or blamed him on ANY ANY MISTAKES HE MADE. AND now he says he cant stand this job anymore. he DO NOT HAVE any fix time to work. HE DONT HAVE TO REPORT ON TIME OR EVEN EVERYDAY. he can choose to work or dont. if i have this kind of job and i earn tat much, im willing to.


now my boy eden is going to help out hubby at the studio. hope things work out. as eden is very in need of money i dont know why. maybe saving up for effects or guitars.


had removed the bling blings on my hp and it has got STAIN! >.< the dyes from the blings stained onto my hp.. and its no longer WHITE and has got LOTS of scars.. im pissed! SUPER PISSED! STARHUB PLEASE TAKE IN PANASONIC FLIP PHONES AGAIN! I BEG YOU!!!~~

AH!!~~~~~~~ ok... nvm.. i've replaced it with my leopard prints. and im in a messed but at last its done but NOT very well done. just have to keep it there till i find something new to do on my hp.. im going to FAINT~

i need a new hp. and i realised, i dont mind touch screen now. thanks to hubby.. his omina interested me.. WAAHAHAHA~

then, i was surfing for new albums to listen to while blogging over here.. and guess wat... i found my KAGRRA EVER AGAIN!!! OMG!!

finally they are out with new albums and singles. omg omg ~~~~ isshi is still as pretty but i think he had grown abit fatter now.. >.<

my nao is still the BEST bass god!! *drools* his basslines never let me down! i've got like inspirations from him now~~ WHOOOO~~

and SHIN! omg..he was like playing the gu zhen in the pv of shiki and the live in japan for utakata.. OMG~~~ so godly!!!

why didnt i take up chinese orchestra when i was younger.. DAMN so that i can play bass and gu zhen now... piangs~~~ best!!!

maybe sheena can start taking back her guzhen since she learnt it before... :)

and we dont have to get a 5th member!!!!!! WHOOOOO loves!!~~~

im drowning in Kagrra nah!! but one bad thing is i never get to see them LIVE! i dont care. im going to choose the dates for next year japan trip! shall aim well whereby kagrra will have their lives on tokyo! YES! aim well! SHOOT!


they are the japanese visual band that makes a different kind of music. they are so very different from any other visual or jrock bands! includes the japanese traditional music influences. *relax*


it maybe noisy at times BUT its so relaxed!! i will not feel stressed or headache when im listening to it. and i can listen to if again n again n again!!!! :D


Kagrra PLEASE COME TO SINGAPORE! I NEED YOU GUYS SO BADLY!!!! MY MEDICINE FOR MUSIC MAKING!!!~~~


*DROOLS*


hubby dun get jealous huh.. you know Kagrra and speed were always my top favourite when it comes to music... hehe.. :)

the most we go see Kagrra together next year nah!!~~~ *chu*


shall end here.. i got to wake up early tml to finish up all the designs so that wednesday i can go down to the office before jamming to print them all out.... :)


and got to start doing bl@ck Canary's new band poster... can think of a cover for the EP as well.. whooo.... :)



END HERE!~

im so freaking tired... and i think my brain isnt working anymore... BUT.. i still have to carry on with the band stuff...


1st.. sheena still cant turn up for the band jamming. and currently i have to work on 2 positions in the band now.

2nd. i still have to carry on finding some good talents to put into my band. eden is graduating from poly. and he will be entering the army real soon.

3rd. i have to make sure the band can create as many songs as possible and release an EP asap before eden goes into NS.

4th. i have yet to come out with any bassline for the 3rd original's later part of the song. and im so brain dead now. and tml is the jamming.

i think i really have problems managing the band and my work and my personal life. i think i cant cope afterall.

mum and dad are away from Singapore. they will only resume their work on friday. and currently im the one in the office doing ALL the editings on PC. yes... from 9am to 6pm..

more and more emails are coming in. and from time to time dad will call me and tell me about the latest emails and documents coming in.. even the ones that will come in the next day.

and all the date lines are on this friday. and i MUST finish them up. i've got no time to practice, to rest, to even eat or sleep.

i only had my lunch at 5 30pm and left another half of it for my dinner which is at 8pm. i hardly get off the chair to take a break. eventually i only could take a break when i go to the toilet or my sister using the pc for some other work purposes.

while my mind is like.. oh..  my band this and that. is mum and dad fine overseas, how shall i do my bassline, how to get my office work done faster. this and that..........

its driving me crazy!! im farking stressed out actually.

i was hoping the smses and calls that comes in isnt dad or mum during office hours. cos it will definitely be about work work work...

i dont have time to even get onto msn, facebook and blah blah during these working days... im so totally in my own world.

i just realised, ever since october starts.. i was busy from day 1 till now... even till the end of oct.

what the fark! and from november onwards i will get even busier and lesser personal space. relatives coming to sg.. my room will be their use.. and i think i will have ALOT of problem doing the originals.

mum wants me to go down to the office more to help dad with all the PC documents.. i will but im thinking how do i plan everything so that they dun clash.

i still have to think about the nights.. i have to make sure i get home earlier to accompany mum as dad n sis will always be out at night.

i finally FULLY understand dad's position now. lucky im not taking my pre-advance japanese classes now. if not im very very very sure i will get this REAL bad temper.. pushing everyone away. i will cancel all jammings if one dun turn up be it wat problem.. i wont care... or originals not done and just wanna fool around in the studio..

or anyone being late... all and all.. if all these add up... not other who will die out of it.. but myself...


i didnt contact my very own bf the whole day.. i woke up... early off to work and he was still sleeping.. no smses.. no calls.. nothing... get home... just sis and i... i stare at the tv.. smoke.. then bath and then back to my room to do all my stuff... then sleep...

NOTHING... it was so dead! i guess i have to start sms-ing people THEN... people will get back to me...

then thats when i will feel im alive. i guess im getting really distant from everyone. i can only focus on staying by mum's side, doing my originals, finding talents, solving band's problem, worrying over dad's injury, brainstorming on all the posters, videos, photos.wtf! can someone just share my loads!

i used to take things for granted when i was younger.. and i think this is retribution now.. i have more loads than what i was supposed to have.

*claps* i used to be that vain.. i must make sure i make up to work and all. even if i just stay in the shop. but now... HA! no make up.. i just draw my eyebrown, straighten my hair.. wear my specs and off to work...

TOTALLY NOT ME! but wat can i do! thats the only way i can save my skin from out breaks. imagine..i dun even have time to DRINK a sip of water. i can leave my food there for hours... i can eat n work at the same time. i dun even stand up just to take a small break.. afraid i cant complete it within a DAY..

ah.. crap.. getting back to original... if not i dont have to sleep anymore... damn.. i only have got like 4 to 5hrs slp per day now...


end....

updating while im ripping my speedland premium album i bought today with hubby..

thanks hubby for helping me to pay for the album..

was off to the japanese hair salon called "miyabi", mum made an appointment there for perm and trim and dye. it turned out well! :) im happy for her.. while i made a last minute decision of cutting my hair...

yes and hubby is satisfied with it, mum is satisfied with it and I AM SATISFIED with it... so damn nice!!! im keeping the hair length and i got this hair not much layering BUT the layer i've got is like... WHOO HOOO!! BEST! yuki this lady is so damn cool.. the 1st time i cut hair without needing to spray any water on my hair..

this is how japanese works.. and i love it. and the way she wash my hair.. so damn NICE!! shiok!! my hair just felt so relaxed! of cos it made my head feel light becos of my amount of THICK HAIR gone!

then hubby sent us off to the taxi stand as mum and i went off to chinatown.

i thought it will be a great day ahead.. but then.. eventually NO..

1st, i woke up early but my lens couldnt get on and i thrown a away...

then, trying to wake some bitch at home who promise to drive us out, eventually she didnt and there making noises thru sms with me and hoping i can go into her situations but NO.. i dun give a farking care... useless bitch what is her point of living??? i dun get it..

then, i found mum's shirt was slightly torn! and mum got to change it... when we were already late.. i was the cause of it.. thanks to SOME PEOPLE..

then, reach g77, hubby found that his studio's bass drum skin was torn.. DAMN the kids who jam the night before.. act like one kind.. SICK!

then, my feet was so pain so hubby got to buy me another pair of slip ons.

then, the taxi we got on.. the driver wasnt FRIENDLY at all..

then, went into this restaurant open by chinas.. the food sux and the people are rude..

then, as we were crossing the road, mum's hp fell and got a no. of scratches on her hp.. i was the gulity one, we asked her to use the hp strap i got for her.. hais... 101% gulity.. pls sentence me deep!!

then, went to buy guava, there was this auntie who accuse us of dropping the bag of guava when we already bought 3 packs and i was just removing my 2 bags of guava before she dropped mine!


eventually it was a FREAKING BAD DAY FOR US! and i feel the pain for mum as some KIND of people in this FAMILY is being unreasonable, childish, taking things for granted and INHUMAN!


why did i say so.. 1st a daughter can say.. "then isnt mum more inhuman..waking ppl up early in the morning.." WOW... happening isnt it.. yes... thru the words of someone mum loved most...


agreements were made on saturday night oh.. or even before saturday night.. on friday, i already made an agreement with that person that, on saturday night DO NOT GO OUT, accompany mum AT HOME for the NIGHT. cos i will be out with hubby to night safari..


BUT wat DID she do? saying she was going for MOVIES but why on earn does she need to take 150bucks for a movie and 2 way taxi trip??? may i know??? obvious she is throwing her money oh no.. dad's money out to feed some useless male friends of hers... DUMB..


and before that in the day.. on saturday.. agreements WERE MADE as well.. saying.. sunday MORNING by 9am we will have to leave home.. bringing dad to his doctor for his numbness in the arms problem.. then off to city hall area for mum's 11am appointment at the salon. then both of us will head down to parkway parade to get dad's blue ray's dvds when we had got he vouchers avail.


yes... ALL With agreements.. she KNEW that she HAD to wake up early in the MORNING the next day ... but SHE STILL went out drinking ktv-ing "movie-ing" till dawn.. WHO TO BLAME.. YOUR FARKING BRAIN AND URSELF NOT ANYONE IN THE FAMILY.


she said we took her as a driver.. HELLO HOW MUCH DID U CONTRIBUTE TO THIS FAMILY BITCH..

1) NOT EARNING AT ALL but just SPENDING
2) NOT HELPING OUT in the office but going OVERSEAS AS AND WHEN SHE WANTS
3) FORCING dad to buy her a CAR when she ISNT working AT ALL but just rotting at home
4) 7 days a week 6days she is playing mahjong/ktv/drinking.
5) losing more than an average of 150bucks EACH TIME SHE PLAYS
6) going off to GENTING losing a FEW THOUSAND SINGAPORE DOLLARS
7) SHE isnt willing to WORK
8) she HOPE for a 100% perfect mr.right that can feed her full.
9) SHE thinks that our parents will live FOREVER
10) SHE thinks that as long as she WANTS money dad can give her
11) SHE thought that everyone OWES all everything BUT the fact we didnt.
12) SHE thought im someone to be bullied but SORRY NO.. GET A LIFE
13) she insulted mum and dad, taking them for granted every since the day she was born

my mum already had 3 dear ones passed away, she has got illness in her, she still work hard  in dad's office even in her 50s, she was always left at home alone at night, she do not had any of her daughters so closed to her to talk to, to lean on to..her family in brunei is gone, broken into pieces.

yet this creature at home, said that mum is inhuman to disturb her from sleep. we took her a driver ONLY. we dont wanna buy her a CAR..


my dad worked his whole life just to give this family a comfortable life. he finally in his late 50s still he has to work so hard to earn MORE.. and now he hurt his spine and his nerves.he put high hopes on his daughters but always led to disappointments.


and that creature insist that dad would rather give me money to invest on my bass than buying her a CAR.. omg! i've never seen such a STUPID person to compare a 1k bass with a 100k car..

PLUS bass do not need to pay tax, no installments, no petrols needed, no erp charges, no session parking needed, no parking lot needed.

OMG! she is DEAD IN HER BRAIN??? my bass is meant for my future. and  i dont ask for MORE.. 1k dad can afford. 100k??? fark yourself then.


i've got 3 basses collections total adding up to only 2k.. with one sansamp DI only abt 300. all my strings, cleaner do not add up more than 500. over this 3years.


WOW.. compare my basses with a car? fine.. i sell all my basses and i shall see.. with my basses money WAT CAR CAN SHE BUY.. prove me wrong then.. it must be a 1st hand car if not a 9/10 condition second hand car. AND must be the car she WANTS..


she hurt mum and dad's heart after i show them what she smsed me.. WELL DONE.. u MADE IT SO PERFECT.. OMG.. hollywood star? u are just a PIECE of SHIT! pardon me.. but i dont think i need a sister like her.. im fine being alone handling all the family members but not her.


mum made it clear enough. she take it as she didnt give birth to this daughter. since her very own FIRST child she gave birth to 23yrs ago.. said that she is INHUMAN.. oh well..


do not regret when dad and mum leaves this world.. and i make sure they leave peacefully when it really time for them to go..

and i will make sure.. i wont let them remember they had got a elder daughter... NO.. im the only child. only daughter who treats them well.. having a good bf and husband.. letting them know... their son-in-law and i can give them a perfect life. without having to feel the pain of how their elder daughter treated them.



TODAY onwards, HERE im announcing... i DO NOT have any SISTERS or SIBLINGS. i only have got a daddy, mummy and a good husband of mine. and im looking forward for an even better life ahead with my parents and my husband's family. :)


and of cos.. i do not have to act. i do not gain anything at all. only fools will say things like that... trying to pissed people off by saying we are acting... OH... dont be jealous when i get all the loves from them.. becos u are not worth a single bit of love from them...

its a waste of their life time to even remember who u are.


to tell that creature. a person who is happy can leave 8yrs longer than sad people.. therefore im very sure. you will be the 1st to go.. cos you were NEVER happy from deep within.. and I AM also very sure.. i will not lay a drop of tear for you. cos you are not worth anyone to be even there to send you off to your far away land.


i believe in retribution. karma existed. dont believe... wait and see... creature.. you will get it really soon.. and the warning is just nearby... be alert before its too late.



shall end here... got to work tml...


ends...


hubby thanks for being here with me to face everything and also to look after this family of mine. i appreciate it.. i know you love mum and dad. and i know i love you more than anything i can get. you, mum and dad are my dearest now.. im glad i have you all by my side.. *hugs*



hubby, i love you! :)