..i want to take his hands off..just for touching you..
Saturday, Nov 7, 2009 10:49PM / Standard Entry
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i got my new boots today. yay. i was playing with the zipper and mike was laughing at me and i said something that came out wrong, it was just funny.wow. i've had NO time alone ALL WINTER BREAK. i am going to scream. and kill someone. preferably my mother or sister. mother is being awful and using her methods of "nodding and giving them (relatives) 'see what i mean' looks" when she shoots me down and i stick up for myself. it's hell.relatives. bah. i got nice presents, but i hate people. why can't they go away!! christmas is over!! grrr. mother invited my cousins over to spend the night with me without my knowledge. i let my sister handle it and i have been talking to mike, talking to broken, and playing alice. bah humbug.ooooo zip zip zip zip! pretty pretty. i must take a peekshure of me with these boots.i was stuck in a traffic jam today (grr) and it gave me time to think about the whole ian situation and i realized i should probably clarify this for some of you.the reason i even went out with ian/biggie whatever, is because it was one of those "he's my friend and i don't want to hurt him, i don't like him the same way he likes me, but maybe, just maybe, this will work."well obviously it didn't. ian pressured me constantly to kiss him. once i did that, it was on to pressuring me to make out with him. i refused. he persisted. i began to get wary. then homecoming and robbie's party came around. we just went to robbie's. an hour, maybe half an hour before it was time for me to go, almost everyone moved outdoors, leaving me and ian, binta (who was drunk), mccarthy who was making out with a random chick, and two other people shoving their tongues down each others throats. well. the pestering started again. i told him no repeatedly. i thought he'd given up.well. here's where i'm wrong. he took mitra's(?) shoe and flung it down the stairs. binta and i shut the door while he was down there, a light joke. he slammed into it when he realized she was over by the wall laughing and i was leaning against the door snickering. well, i open it, and the look on his face made me step back. you know, that "fuck you, you aren't SUPPOSED to mess with ME!" look. well. next thing i know he has grabbed me and pulled me down to the ground, and is attempting to drag me down the stairs with him.i started screaming and struggling, binta was still drunk and laughing, the others were absorbed in eating each other's faces, but eventually, binta grabbed my foot and it ended. i was shaken up. i sat with her and ian, bong came in and cried, we comforted bong, i left at 9.the next week i stopped answering the phone. i avoided him at school as much as i could. i refused to kiss him at all. i talked a lot to broken about it, and to christine. monday, i broke up with him.now, a series of confusing events have followed, apparently he used me breaking up with him as an excuse to cut his hair, pointing at me and going "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" often, but according to other sources, that's all it was, an excuse, because he hated having long hair. i really don't care, it was just annoying.it was just another attempted relationship that burst into flames. my first boyfriend ever , he died. the second one was rafael, and i fucked everything up. then there was jon-o. don't even get me started. things went downhill from there. jon-o. spike (david). ian. three in a row of miscommunication and abuse and just shit. with mike, though, (and i told him this, he better believe it, because i'm writing it in here too ♥ ) it's the first relationship i've had in a while where someone hasn't tried to trick me into love for their benefit, then ripped my heart into pieces like it were a paper valentine. i know the feeling's mutual and the love is equal, and that's really nice to have.wow i love these boots. zip zip zip. they're lace ups, non-leather, and go just below the knee. they have zippers on the inside leg, handy for gym class. hurrah. *bounces* so much superior to my previous boots! a bit above the ankle, with pant strings for laces (they broke), smelly, falling to pieces...ahhhhh.i'm addicted to alice. and i got the nickelback cd, expected it to suck, but in actuality, it's a pretty stupendicular cd.wow, my cousin and sister are trying to sleep, i should attempt to be nice and get off the computer. bah. i hate family gatherings, i really do.
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