Die Kinship, Die!!!

This evil paper has tormented me for weeks...
and I have yet to start it

I want to go out and have fun!!!
Cuz guess what?

MY DARLINGS ARE BACK
 

Need to cut my hair again
*sigh*

What shall I do this time???
If I was bald...it wouldn't matter...

If you don't like someone,
don't waste all your time and energy on that person.
Spend it on someone you like.

But most of all.....

Christmas is the time of forgiveness.

Merry Christmas people.

Xmas pressies in production.
And Santa CC is here to listen to any requests.

*Note: It's listen, not necessarily grant.
Just so that you feel like there is a Santa

Sadly, Santa this year is on a tight budget.
Money doesn't grow on trees you know...

Doing my Film paper...
Done 4/15...and it's due tmr.

Just found out how many mo liu movies I have seen;
Out of the 20 odd CNY comedies since 1997,
There are only 3 I haven't seen.

And the others...I tended to have seen them in the cinema.

The support I give to HK cinema! haha
Or you could just call me mo liu

I love it when the guys are not afraid of being stupid or ugly (provided that they have some talent at something)....like....
Leung Ka Fai,
Cheung Kwok Wing
Leung Chiu Wai
Cheng Chung Kei....

The list goes on.

But enough for now....need sleep
I spent most of today and yesterday watching these movies

I've been waiting for an hour to see the professor...
and who knows how much longer I have to wait.

So I thought I'd show a Christmas video

A little old fashioned...but gotta love it all the same.

 So much has happened...
With lots reflection and mixed feelings...there will be many sections to this xanga entry!

LOL...Let me go through everything one by one....

No.1 - JAY CHOU WORLD TOUR 2007 HK

Thank you to Ginny!!!!!

Although the seats were not the best.....It was great!
And it was so cool that the guest was Yundi Li!!!!!
Of course, I would have liked Eason Chan, Andy Hui etc.....
But it was awesome all the same!!!!!

 Some videos...
And lots of pics of his ass...I mean back...haha

The best part was when he sang 陽光宅男
It is his best song ever!!!!!
And of course...the new version of 雙節棍...haha

He kept on forgetting the lyrics...
Even when there were lots of big-ass screens with the lyrics...
I could sing along like in karaoke...the text was so big....

lol...he's such a little boy...
always 耍帥...

But he's got talent.
And I am ashamed to say that I'm getting addicted to him.
I used to scoff at Vivian, but...hehe.
I'm in deep shit.

No.2 - NOSTALGIA

Saw "Alvin the Chipmunk"'s trailer
It only seems like yesterday when I was watching the cartoons in the comfort of my own home.

"Aaaaal-vin!"

"Daaaa-aaave"

haha...and Simon and Theodore
They were so cute in the cartoon! With their squeaky voices
Those were the days man....

And then The Golden Compass,
It was Northern Lights when it first came out in His Dark Materials,
I remember Ms McNickle and Ms Cameron reading it to us,
with their New Zealand and Scottish accents.

Pantalaimon, Lyra, Lord Asriel...

That was 10 years ago!!!
And then waiting to have my turn and borrow the book,
to waiting for the other two in the series to come out...

This is so much better than Harry Potter...
And I love Harry Potter! haha

Wonder what the movies will be like?

No.3 Passion

Such an awkward situation, I don't know what is right or wrong.
I only know that feelings have been hurt, and I don't want to see it happen.
I also hate incompetence.

When I was told the old ghosts would come,
I knew we were in deep shit.
Although they stressed that they weren't here to judge...
Just in the way they were talking to us showed that they have judged. If they had not, why would they come anyway?

*sigh*

They asked something along the lines of where our passion was.
Guess what?

I don't have a passion for drama.

I really don't. I don't understand the point of putting a play onto the stage. I honestly would prefer watching a movie.
But I love the stage. Anything to do with the stage. Would be why I joined drama in the first place. I knew dancing at CUHK wouldn't be the type of stage performance I longed for since my ballet performances, so drama would give me an opportunity to stick with the stage.

Why did I seung jong?

Because Siu Kit asked me to.
That was the only reason. Not because I liked drama, not because I wanted to work with the jong, but because she had asked me to. Whether it was out of desperation or whatever, I really don't know or actually care. The point is, I became part of the jong.

That would be why I don't have the passion that the old ghosts want.
But I don't see the problem with not having a passion.
Admittedly, I have not been a very central character to the jong, showing up only when needed and not being very involved in every single aspect of the jong.
I never had a real sense of belonging to the jong, until this year, as the upper half of the jong.

No.4 Communication

When Small asked me as a jong yuen, why did I not know about the problems within the jong, I was flabbergasted.
Do I really need to know? We're jong yuen first, friends second.
Is it necessary that I get involved in their personal disputes?
I only get involved when it disrupts our functioning as a jong...
and prior to this incident, I didn't think there were any major problems.

I'm not there 24/7 to ask them about their emotional health,
I don't even do this to my closest friends, let alone jong yuen of any sort.
If there are problems, sure, come and discuss them with me.
But don't expect me to follow you around and ask you if there are any problems.

How would I know you have problems if you don't let me know?
If our relationships stay on the most courteous and surface levels,
I don't see the problem in that. There are friends on different levels.
If you want me only on the surface, ok
Feelings take time to build up.
And I am not the type to stick my foot in other people's business to actively build these feelings.
Why can't I let things flow naturally?
Do I really have to ask them how they are doing all the time?

Talking about care and support...
Is support only through asking them how they are doing, how they are feeling etc?

No, it is not.

Support is by being there when needed.
And I do not think I have failed that. (If I have, please let me know )

When Siu Kit said she had support in the form of her upper jong,
I feel I have done the best I can.
If the lower half of the jong don't feel this is support,
what can I do?

I can only help them, let them know what I think is good, what is wrong,
after all, who am I to judge when I am only a newbie to drama?

I hate seeing the same group of people all the time.
I feel like suffocating when I see them day after day.
But if they are my friends, and I care about them,
we just pick up the relationship from where we last left it.
We do not need to see each other everyday.
We do not need to let every single person know the intimate details of our lives.

If you want to chat with me, I am always open to it.
If you want help, I can do the best I can to support you.
But I am not here to guess your needs because I am not you; I don't know what you want.

I don't see how the upper jong have done any better than us in support.
I think we are on the same par.
If people started asking me how I was doing, to show that they care...
I would start ignoring them. I don't need this kind of surface attention.
I feel the care and support when we meet up,
when we do things together whether we like it or not.

What is important is that we are together at that time, that moment...
Whether we are happy or sad.
That is all the communication I need.

No.5 Pass things down the jong (I'm not bothered to type the exact wording in Chinese)

Who wouldn't know? That is the first thing everyone tells us as we enter the jong.
And I have done this to my best ability.
What I have learnt and remembered from the upper jong,
I have let the lower jong know.

Do they remember? I hope so.

No.6 Jong

Why I am still on NADC jong.
I've said it is not for drama. So why?

Because of the people I work with.
If I didn't give a damn out the people, I would have left.

There is no need for me to work for a drama production or the jong if I don't like drama.
But when I see the effort that the others put in,
when I see jong yuen working together,
I have to do the same.

I don't want them to have to do it on their own.
I want to help so that they can have more fun, or that they will have an easier job.

I don't think the lower jong feel this because they have already split up into several camps,
but this is what I perceive in my half of the jong.
I speak for myself of course
The lower half of the jong have this too, most evident in the way that Angel is like the core,
self-perpetuating, active person.

Is this not enough for the old ghosts?

They are probably too wrapped up in their own opinions to see what is binding us together as a jong.

Everyone must have wanted to leave at one time or another.
But we stayed until the end.
We're actually still here.

We called for the meeting even before the old ghosts said they will come.
Who are they to judge our feelings as a jong?

So poo to you

It was a long meeting, and the old ghosts said many things.
Of course, they had their reasons and I agree with most of what they said.
Things on maturity, attitudes etc...

But they must not forget that we are not them.
They have graduated. They have been through it all.
They have realised the value of it because it has ended for them.

We're still in the process. We're still experiencing.
It's still too early to judge.
The wordings of their speech, and the attitudes they placed showed judgement.

I agree with many of their points.
I have experienced them myself in varying degrees, both last year and this year.
They have shed light on what I already know.
Or they have brought everything into perspective.

It was nice to know they care.
But I don't think it helped.

It just added a burden.

Note: Anyone who read (any part of) this xanga entry...
Take what you want from here.

I said it was a lot of ranting.
Forgot to mention the raving (mad) part as well

No hard feelings. ok?

If any, that's ur problem.
haha

*Phew*

Done a lot of typing, and my wrists are tired.

Just found out about the fucking Xinjiang report.
Fucking hell.

It's our fucking exams.

And then its Christmas!
Though I am not in a festive mood just yet...
I love singing the carols!

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Mr Hanky, the Christmas poo...

haha