I've been doing a lot of thinking lately... but it's mainly because I do not have the luxury of time anymore.
In 10 months, I'll be graduating from college already. And what I am going to do after that is something I am still uncertain of. Yes, I have plans... like taking my master's degree in Japan. But sometimes, I find myself asking questions such as
Maybe it's the pressure of having to succeed and excel. Maybe it's the fear of being alone and not being happy. Or maybe it's the preview of regret that I'll be having 5 to 10 years from now for not pursuing what I really desire.
I don't know. I honestly can't sort my feelings through right now. It's even more difficult because what I want seems to be within reach, but certain factors are hindering me from pursuing it. On the other hand, it might not be within reach at all. It might just be an illusion... a product of my wishful thinking.
Argh! I really don't know.
I'm sure to some of you, I don't make sense at all. And when the time comes that I do, it will not be a surprise if you laugh at me. You'll probably even say, "what a waste". And that phrase will make all the courage I've mustered up to retreat.
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