What have I done
to deserve this??? When all I did was care... what’s the use of such
beautiful eyes when you fail to see that I do, I mean, did… you can’t
be heedless when you were ignoring me those
whole time, I even think that you purposely did it… you really know how to rub
salt on an open wound when I tried to stay close but you insisted to keep me
out ( I then felt like a pestering clinging vine that just wouldn’t leave)... this is not being KSP or having an
attention deficit disorder.. I’m not demanding
that you should encapsulate me with your attention, just please do not ignore
me(but you can do that now, however) ... I was wondering and still
wondering why you did that... was it something I said or did that prompted you
to act like that?? You know that, with me, you can always speak your mind!!! All
communication lines were available… You could have warned me that a sudden
change is up ahead...haven’t my ears stood the test of your rants???
I had a headache
(not to mention a broken heart) in my desire to figure out why… I never
expected to get more than what you can only give… I have been more than
grateful of that “same old us”, if I may quote...what you have done really got
me into deep thinking but decided to chase the thought away although I was
offended to the highest possibility.. I felt so alone that night I never
expected of such occurrence to take place…had any of the hausmates been there
to hang out with, I wouldn’t be this affected… it’s just too bad that only the
two of us were able to attend that damn overnight…haven’t you noticed I stopped
answering your PMs??? It was done to at least make you feel somehow what I’m
feeling…being skillfully ignored...(damn!
Strategies doesn’t always work well to everyone…hahah) but you were so insensitive
to realize it or am I right to believe that you are so used to ignoring things
that matter??? I hate to think that all doesn’t matter to you anymore coz I
deem what we shared was genuine and authentic (uhhh, this thought made this
even more excruciating)…I mulled over every possible way why you’ve been acting
so strangely detached... is this your way of parting? sakit ra kaau and its so
unfair...I know you just lost your dad and please don’t forget that I lost mine
too...I know exactly the feeling...losing someone we love and getting hurt
doesn’t reserve us the right to hurt others...
Chance always
had a way to bind our paths again some few days later…have you not hinted I was
kinda cold to you...I’ve made up my mind then to give you what you wanted...if
having me out makes you happy then off I will be..(because that is how this
whole picture appears to me)... but you made me change my mind coz you were
back to your usual cheerfulness and I had been more than happy to joke around
with you again...(oh heart of mine) It’s a bliss to realize that it was very
stupid of me to dwell on a thought like that (please tell me how to be happy
without sounding stupid)... I even accused myself of overreacting and being exaggeratedly
sensitive.(how could have I magnified such micro-nonsense)... then came another
bout, you started to go weird again.. what are you, mute??? u stopped
talking... yes you sang your lungs out but you were obviously soooo not with
us...but then it can be concealed by the crowd… and why would they bother
anyway? People were so busy taking care about their respective “whatevers”… but
mind you, it didn’t escape my very keen eyes and my already stained
consciousness… you deliberately offended me once again...yes, I cried over it
for some while (although I find it rubbish now)... what went wrong?? how could
a beautiful friendship take a sudden 180-degrees turn?? The hardest part
was when I decided to stop getting in touch because that is what you wanted and
so be it...how shallow you give credit for this friendship... it hurts but what
can I do? That is what you are...it’s your life and I can’t live it for you to make
everything conform in favor to what I believe is right… I was so upset and very
disappointed that instance...I didn’t just hate you but I despised you to
unforgivable extent… I purposely didn’t let you know at once how infuriated I
was because it was instilled to me to never let pain overrate love, that the
latter has to prevail... and that the only remedy for anger is delay (true indeed coz I’m not mad anymore, only
disappointed now)…
I had to amuse
myself somewhere else… the amusement I would have very well enjoyed with your
company had you not left me shattered… how easily you forget everything(places
and activities) we so fondly dreamed and imagined...WTF is really happening??? Got
brain-drain analyzing but I’m still miserably failing to unlock your soft yet
iron-caged heart...I’m puzzled to the point of insanity (bisitaha lang nya kos
ward XII) hahah... sometimes, I cant help but feel cheated in a sense that I've
given so much and gotten so little but never gave a damn coz I thought what we
had was good beyond words... you broke my heart!!! now I’m gradually picking
the pieces up and desperately needing to glue it back together...this be healed
in due time but will surely leave a scar that will never make me forget...yes,
I fell hard, stepped on and spit upon but I will rise, I promise… and in that
hopeful day of getting up, I refuse to feel the same twinge again…
You need not
worry, I assure you that I can still manage to get one fine laugh each time I
remember the good times all of us had...our outlandish display of stupidity in
and out of the “house with no signal” now better known as “the house of darkness”(as
in literally dark hahah)… our time, though short, cannot be discounted… I wouldn’t
even trade it for anything…I take pride that once upon a time we brought
happiness to your world in as much as you brought happiness to ours(all of us
cannot deny that)... the pictures can tell and the videos don't lie...
I wish you
everything that is beautiful and happy because that is what you are- BEAUTIFUL
inside-out but still human... Thanks for the good times and rarely bad...wherever
you may be, always be safe... one thing's for sure... you are and will be
terribly missed...
for bringing me out into this world
... nobody but me...
