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• Crunch Time Vs. The Holidays

  Monday, Oct 6, 2008 4:14PM / Standard Entry / Members only

  I've been thinking about it all year and now I'm finally applying for grad schools. Applying for an MFA program is different because the most important thing I'll be submitting, aside from transcrīpts and letters of recommendation, is my writing portfolio. My 20 or so pages of fiction have to showcase that I have great potential as a writer, and basically knock out hundreds of other writing submissions...but hey, no pressure.
  
  The best thing that eases my mind is knowing my friend Jamie will also be applying, so we're doing it together and able to motivate each other and share information and perspectives. That's the way it's been for 10 years with us (we met in my first creative writing class in high school and both graduated from college as Creative Writing majors together) and I'm so thankful to have her. I love you, J!
  
  My first deadline is December 1st, so I have to have everything ready within the next two months. I already know it takes top priority and means sacrificing a lot of time and fun with friends and family, particularly for the holidays, but I hope you understand and know that we'll make up for it next year. Luckily I have fond memories of last year to keep me going through this winter.
  
  And damn it...if I don't make it into any grad schools this year, I'm so going to become a librarian!
  
  On a less substantial subject...I love that the weather's cooling down but hate its drying effects on my skin. I've been using Hempz Hydro-Balanced Facial Moisturizer, which is very light and nice for summer, demo no bueno for fall and winter if you have dry or combination/dry skin (you like that huh, three languages in one subclause).
  
  I've also been using the Hempz Purifying Cleanser, which isn't bad but so far isn't great either. Its best feature is that it really lasts...I've been using the same bottle daily since June/July and the bottle is still 3/4ths full. Otherwise, I'd say it feels more like a gel cleanser than a foaming one, and I'm not particularly fond of the top/way you open it.
  
  While I'm plugging Hempz products, I might as well tell you that I'm a fan of the moisturizer, body butter, and also the hydrating shampoo and conditioner. The moisturizer smells yummy (I get compliments) and the body butter is a little more luxurious...but again, they're great for spring and fall but not moisturizing enough for me in the fall and winter. The hydrating shampoo and conditioner are great year-round, very light on the fragrance and keeps my hair soft and silky even though I often dye and sometimes bleach my hair. It's also gentle enough to use on colored hair so you don't have to switch if you dye or don't dye your hair.
  
  
  

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• Happy Labor Day!

  Tuesday, Sep 2, 2008 3:59PM / Standard Entry / Members only

  This Labor Day weekend I went to party with my friends MITT, Babe Blvd, DBR and Cockstar Army at Aubergine's in downtown San Diego.
  
  I'm hella tired right now and I haven't posted pictures in a while, so here's picture overload!

  MITT in the muthaf*cking house! (Models in the muthaf*cking Trunk!)  That's me, Mickee, Mike and Amy

  me, Mike, Amy, Tina, Mickee, and Aplus deejaying in the back...me and Viet...Manny and me...

  Tina and me...

  making faces...don't ask why...

  Tina, Tony and me...me, Jen, and Twee...making mischief with Jackie and Indo...BEWARE of Indo when you see him with a bottle in his hand!

  

  Dru and me...

  you know who these guys are?  really drunk mofos hahaMITT wants YOU!

  me and Steve!

  And finally, peace out!

  
  
  

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• Haruki Murakami Drops Knowledge on Me

  Sunday, Aug 31, 2008 5:44PM / Standard Entry / Members only

  "It's not a question of better or worse. The point is, not to resist the flow. You go up when you're supposed to go up and down when you're supposed to go down. When you're supposed to go up, find the highest tower and climb to the top. When you're supposed to go down, find the deepest well and go down to the bottom. When there's no flow, stay still. If you resist the flow, everything dries up. If everything dries up, the world is darkness...Abandon the self, and there you are." - page 51 in The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami
  
  This is not an entirely new concept so as much it is a hard-earned one, what I hate to but will call a life lesson because I believe it comes with experience. Simply put, it means there is a time for everything. But it's just written so well and presented in a slightly different perspective.
  
  We all like to be up in our lives, don't we? A friend of mine said life is all about striving towards something, and my brother once advised me to "enjoy the struggle." But the simple truth is, everyone wants to be on the up and up (if not already at the top). No one wants to be on the f*cking down and down, or down and out, or hit rock f*cking bottom. That's called depression, debt, bankrupcy, prison, being a loser. Is it not? Or perhaps I should say, is that not usually how we perceive it?
  
  But to think that it's not only necessary and purposeful but actually meant to be (everything for a f*cking reason)...I can't help but take comfort in that. It makes me feel...well, like less of a failure, of a f*ck up. Like maybe I've been doing the right thing all along, 'cause I'm always doing the best that I can do in any situation, even if I do have a tendency sometimes to look back and think I should have done things differently, better. "If I do or did this, I'd have a better this..." better relationships, better friendships, better finances, cars, houses, toys, etc. overall better life/lifestyle. But that's a fallacy of the human mind (as shaped by our society) or ego...because there is no better, there simply just is.
  
  It's a comfort to me to think that I am where I am because that's where I need to be, regardless of whether it's up, down, or simply still, and it's where I should be. I have always reveled in my ups, crashed when I'm down...and lately, I've been learning how to stay still (which is a lesson in many aspects for me, but also a way for me to steep into faith and practice patience).
  
  If nothing else, I'd say that passage is something I find comforting when I find myself gravitating towards feelings of regrets, of the many things I've done in the past or things I haven't done or things I wish I had done or done differently (even in just one day or single conversation or course of a few minutes!). In the end, all you can do is follow the flow of your life, of things and people surrounding you, and do your best according to your own standards and ability. That's just one way of growth.
  
  "Faith is not something to grasp, it is a state to grow into." - Gandhi
  
  

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• Birthday Doll

  Thursday, Jul 24, 2008 5:11PM / Standard Entry / Members only

  Today was my birthday, yay me, happy birthday to me! It was chill as I'm not really in the mood to celebrate this year, but it was still nice for so many people to remember and wish me happy birthday (thanks MySpace and especially Facebook!). Some people forgot but it's no biggie since I wasn't trying to make a big deal out of it anyways and didn't bother to remind anyone.
  
  My sister took me out for sushi, but we discovered that our favorite local spot was closed due to a kitchen fire last Friday, BUT they had another nearby location so we went there for the first time. It was pretty yum and it's always nice to find a new local sushi spot. Our sushi chef was cute and the owner heard my sister say "It's your birthday" to me so she sent me some birthday ice cream and they did their birthday cheer (I was an unsuspecting victim, thinking "What a coincidence, it's someone else's birthday here today too!" haha).
  
  I could say more, but f*ck it, it's 3 a.m., my favorite hour, and as Rens told me, "You think too much," I'm just going to go read Murakami's "Kafka on the Shore" (thank you, Ron!).
  
  P: happy birthday...what are you 21 this year?
  D: Me, 21? I'm 16! I want a new car, I want a boyfriend to sneak out late at night with! haha kidding...sort of.
  P: 16? you're not enough old enough...hahaha thats cool, well i wish you a sweet 16 =)
  
  

  You Are a Summer Person

  You are energetic, outgoing, and active. You love to be out and about... hanging out with friends or getting things done. Summer is the perfect time for you to be as hyper as you want to be. In fact, during the rest of the year you feel half-asleep!

  
  

  Are You a Winter Person or a Summer Person?
  

  
  

  Your Life Path Number is 5

  Your purpose in life is to live freely and collect experiences. You love life - new adventures, new people, new ideas. You are very curious, and you crave novelty in all forms. You tend to make friends easily, and you enjoy the company of all types of people. In love, you are fun and even a bit intoxicating. But you won't stick around for long. You are impulsive and spontaneous - which sometimes leads you to do things you regret. Sometimes you can be overindulgent with food, sex, or drugs. You have many talents, so many that you are often scattered and unfocused.

  
  

  What Is Your Life Path Number?
  
  

  Diana, your life path number is 5
  "adventure"

  Life Path:
  
  A Life Path 5 person is usually very versatile, adventurous, and progressive. With a 5 life path, you are one of those people who is always striving to find answers to the many questions that life poses. You want to be totally unrestrained, as this is the sign of freedom and independence. You abhor routine and boring work, and you are not very good at staying with everyday tasks that must be finished on time. You are, however, a good communicator, and you know how to motivate people around you, perhaps inclining you to be a teacher of some sort. A love of adventure may dominate your life. This may take the form of mental or physical manifestation, but in either case, you thrill to the chance for exploration and blazing new trails. You are apt to be multi-talented, but just as likely to suffer from some lack of direction, and there is often some confusion surrounding your ambition.
  
  Positive traits:
  
  The number 5 personality is rather happy-go-lucky; living for today, and not worrying too much about tomorrow. It is important for you to mix with people of a like mind, and try to avoid those that are too serious and demanding. It is also important for you to find a job that provides thought-provoking tasks rather than routine and redundant responsibilities. You do best dealing with people, but the important thing is that you have the freedom to express yourself at all times. You have an innate ability to think through complex matters and analyze them quickly, but then be off to something new.
  
  Negative traits:
  
  In the most negative application or use of the 5 energies, you could become very irresponsible in tasks and decisions concerning your home and business life. The total pursuit of sensation and adventure can result in your becoming self-indulgent and totally unaware of the feelings of those around you. In the worse case situations negative 5's are very undependable and self-serving.
  
  
  

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• The Muthaf*cking Past...Or, Loner Me

  Saturday, Jul 12, 2008 6:39PM / Standard Entry / Members only

  Here's a little info about me...I once pledged for a sorority almost five years ago. About a month before crossing over though, my grandfather in Vietnam suddenly got sick and was hospitalized, possibly lying on his deathbed. He was 85 and I'd never met him or had been to Vietnam before, so my mom, sister and I went for three weeks (I had actually never met any of my relatives from my mom's side before then). It was actually the first three weeks of the semester, so when I came back, not only did I have this humbling life experience and a new perspective but I also had to play catch up (I took exams I'd already missed and then studied for second exams right after)...so I depledged (meaning I dropped out).
  
  I know...I have trouble picturing myself as a sorority girl too, believe me, but I actually almost was. If I hadn't gone to Vietnam, I probably would have stayed and crossed over, and my life would have taken a different course. But anyways...I'm still friends with some of the other girls who were my pledge sisters back then, and every now and then we get together and reminisce. I remembered I'd promised I'd email pics from back then, so I was searching my MyBook tonight but didn't find that many. Then I realized...wait, that was the year I'd bought myself my first digital cam as a Christmas present for myself (haha yes I do that), so pre-Christmas, all of the pictures were taken with my film camera. And that led me to going through a shoebox of pics and all of my photo albums...and there you have it, a trip down memory lane. The story of my life.
  
  On a tangent, I happen to be a fan of the anime series Naruto, for many reasons, but I believe one of the reasons is that it has a strong theme of friendship, but also of friends growing apart, and that's something I relate so well too (must be a common theme for many people).
  
  Obviously, I'm a lot older now so it doesn't bother me as much as it used to, but I just find it so frustrating and sometimes a bit saddening that my friends and I grow apart. I look back on my life and see a lot of people who were once there but aren't anymore. I know we always say things like everything happens for a reason, friends come and go for different purposes, etc...but like Naruto, I'll never forget--scratch that, I usually don't think about but will always have a moment of remembering exactly how it feels to create a bond with someone and then struggle to keep your friendship going, but failing. Sometimes it's heartbreaking. You meet someone, get to know each other, grow close, and then things change, you don't know or understand why, you try to hold on and make it work, and then suddenly you find that person being so distant, cold, or outright snubbing you to your face...and always, so many things are left unsaid, no matter how hard or how much you want and try to make everything good again.
  
  I used to get really sad...and then eventually I accepted that I couldn't force or beg a person to be close to me, care about me, like me, and tell me what's going on so I could understand. I'd put my cards on the table and then had to accept that others would still hide their hand from me...so I'd leave. Withdraw. Became that loner girl who was always looking for a different place to eat lunch every day, since I no longer had a spot with my "friends"...instead I'd just hang out with other people, go to a club meeting, be in the magazine room with other student staff, or just stay in the library by myself.
  
  And over time, I changed, so now I don't chase after people. I know a lot of people but don't feel as if I'm a part of any group. I mix and mingle with different groups of people, but usually I'm just with one or two friends who I feel the closest to, or stay in solitude, especially as certain people and I drift apart. That's just the way it is...that's just the way I am, now at least.
  
  But I always remember, and I miss those days because my heart was so much more open than it is now...and I always wonder how things could have turned out differently, perhaps if I would have made a different choice...but it always comes down to "if only I were a different person, I guess things would have worked out." I won't be so dramatic as to say I hate the person I am now (which I have in the past), or that I regret anything...simply...it just had to be...but how nice and different my life and probably I would be now had things panned out differently. That's all.
  
  P.S. Some old school pics minutes after I'm done scanning 'em tomorrow.
  
  P.P.S. Please excuse my overuse of the word "different," especially in that closing paragraph.
  
  

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