Relationship Tips for Penguins

why? because i know everything

Inspired by the article : Six Dating behavīors That Scare Single Men Away by David Wygant

six dating behavīors women should avoid:

1. Trash-talking your ex.

By my experience: when I girl talks shit about her ex, it degrades HER value. WHAT GUYS HATE MOST IS A GIRL THAT WENT OUT WITH A CREEP.

in my head I’m like “he’s a jerk and u gave it up to him??!!! Then all I wanna do is hit it then quit it, kno wha imean?

But…tiffanie never had an ex. Yay! Haha. I originally thought she’d be too inexperienced to have a long-working relationship with me but I was proved wrong.

2. Paranoia Runs Rampant.

By my experience: girl like attention and the more insecure the girl, the more anxiety is caused that the lack of attention. Most guys would die if they can’t hang out with “the boys” and be boys. Even positive “how are you doing” calls and texts will begin to push a man away.

In my head I’m like “ BITCH. STOP LISTENING TO THE FUCKEN ROMANTICISTISISM SONGS TALKIN BOUT ‘YOU ARE MY WORLD’ CUZ YOU AIN’T MY WORLD. YOURE MY GIRLFRIEND AND I COULD FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU IF YOU DON’T CROWD ME SO MUCH.

But…Tiffanie like never calls me or nags me about being with the guys so I kinda feel not crowded enough haha. Like I can play video games all night and she’ll just sit and read a book next to me. Me so lucky.

3. Trash-talking other women.

By my experience: girls who are a lot into their own looks like to trash talk other women’s looks/attitude. This simply reveals their own insecurity.

In my head I’m like “DON’T BE JEALOUS”

But …tiffanie never trash talks other women, she does however trash talk herself which makes me sad then I have to bring her up by buying her ice cream LOL. (this is probably all apart of her plan to eat ice cream but I fall for it every time.)

4. Fishing for compliments.

By my experience: most women like compliments and it can get you laid if you are witty about it haha. Seriously though, women simply wanna be appreciated. (and who can blame them?)

In my head, if a girl keeps asking me for compliments I’m like “BITCH WHY DON’T YOU GIVE ME A COMPLIMENT?  Hahahhahahahhahah lol I’m j/k. I’m more like “WHAT PEOPLE THINK REALLY MATTERS TO YOU, DOESN’T IT? ISN’T IT MORE IMPORTANT THAT YOU FEEL BEAUTIFUL ABOUT YOURSELF?”

But…Tiffanie always felt awkward when I was runnin game on her in the beginning of my courtship. She originally felt that she was never entitled to being called beautiful and that’s what compelled me to fall in love with her. At that point I was on a MISSION to show her how beautiful she is . ….. five years later…mission not accomplished yet hahahah.                                                      

5. Clingy and possessive.

In my experience, most girls get jealous. It’s ALMOST like they know that men are out to spread their seeds. LOL j/k j/k j/k ok?

In my head I’m like “BITCH WE AIN’T GOTTA DO EVERYTHING TOGEHTER! Or just cuz I’m talking to another girl don’t mean you gottA RUN UP IN HERE AND HOLD MY HAND WHILE I’M TALKIN TO HER.

 But…Tiffanie doesn’t do that. One time we was at a party and my ex was there. Tiff is friends with my ex also. She just told me to go dance with her and have fun. Ain’t tiff great?

6. Pushing friends on him.

In my experience, I hate my past girlfriends’ friends. Cuz they warn her about what a jerk I am.  AND YOU KNOW WHAT??? THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

 And tiffanie completely and thoroughly fails at this one. She pushes her friends on me but I can take it cuz relationships are about sacrifices. I sacrifice my awesomeness for her nerdiness hahahha.

WHAT YOUR PRIZE FOR BEING A GOOD GF?!

THIS!

AND YOU man's happiness! LOL

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: tell yourself “I love myself” every night before you sleep.

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