What a brilliant place, Thailand was brilliant! Ned and Abi's wedding was really really gorgeous!

Sun, Sea, Beach, Girlfriend, Good Friends, Cocktails, Jet Ski, Water Skiing, Snorkling, chased by lightening storms, Wrestle Masks, Custom Suit, Flips and Sommies and 3 massages! what a beautiful holiday

Since I've moved back to HK working as a freelance designer, i've had the luxury of working my own hours, I can crawl out of bed whenever I like,even noon if i like.....but it all changed 2 weeks ago.

So what happened a fortnight ago? well the answer is power tools! the construction site that's less then 10 meters from my room window had started working on a lot of exterior work for that house. They start work around 8am most mornings, 5 days a week with only Sunday and Tuesdays off... The noise for a construction site as you can imagine can be rather loud but that i can deal with, if i blast my speaks on loud I can drowl them out.. but not when they started using power tools, digging parts of the wall and ground up! Just imagine it's 8am, you intending to sleep for at least 2 more hours! The dreadful sound of power tools suddenly fill your room to a shocking waking!


Fine, I admit it's just me not being more disciplined to be sleeping that late, so i try make peace with that working as a freelancer mean i work from home and working under these conditions are very difficult, every now and then the tremendous roar of a circular saw or deafening thunder of a power drill does wonders for ones concentration.

I am mighty annoyed about it all, but the truth is, I really am not mad at the workers. In fact I rather admire their hard work, I literally saw them add a tile at a time onto the wall, painstakingly remove all the old pipes using drills, hammers, chisels and brute strength. I personally already find the weather here unbearable while sitting of a 20" fan. How these 40 - 50 yr olds climb up the bamboo scaffolding like 10 year olds on a monkey frame for hours at a time, in blistering sun with temperature reaching 32C is beyond me!

I respect them so much for their professionalism and craftsmanship for their job. now i know they're only doing it as a job for the money, a case of if they stop, they stop getting paid, but it still require a shit lot of will power to motivate themselves not to just call it quits and live on benefits. I have to also admit i've been fascinated by how things are put together.

Saying that, i can only pray they finish their job SOON and that they do not move on to the next house... now that would really drive me crazy!

When i was a teenager, I use to harm myself. I was extremely upset by a particular event and all of a sudden, i decided to cut myself. I still don't know what made me do it, I just felt i had to do it. I'm writing this in an attempt to find out why i did what i did and pray that no one else repeats my mistake. I look back now with so much regred, almost 10 years on and I can still see the scars on my arm on cold days.

I think it started when i was in high school. it started when a girl i thought i was in love with at the time got together with a friend of mine. I was enraged. I wanted her and I wanted her to know how she upset me. so i punched a fence, that cut my knucles fairly badly, enough to draw blood but no real damage were made. it was deliberately done as a way to getting her attention. In a way that worked but not in a good way what so ever. as anyone with any intelligence can guess we never did hook up, she was scared of me.

Fast forward a few years it turned more serious. An particularly unplesent event event occured and i decided to take a pen knife with me, hid in the bathroom and cut myself. I was angry. i remember being extremely upset and craved desperately something different to cover that pain. I still can't fully understand what made me do it. i don't recall having any thoughts about it before i actually did it. It was never planned and I don't recall seeing it on TV as a way of letting out anger. it was almost like I instinctively knew to use that blade. I have seen/know of friends of mine hurt themselves after heated arguments with their partners or family. It saddens me that it seems this is something that's built into our nature as a way of expressing anger

Maybe it is a mean of escape and distraction to how much emotional pain i was in and to rebel and shout back at everything and everyone around me, to everything that bought me to where i was at that time. I didn't want to fit in, i didn't care about anything else at the time but to stop the pain. I don't recall any blood, i don't think the cuts were that deep, but i guess it must have been fairly deep for the scars to last til this very day. the event itself was never an end of the world type problem, just something that frustrated me greatly, too much for my teenage soul to know how to handle. i never intented to cause any long term damage to myself, rage had consume my mind and to put a brave face infront of my friends and family, i felt i had to do something to release my frustration and anger. It worked at the time, but i remember feeling extremely stupid and confused for doing what i did the very next day, when my family asked what happened to my arm, i made up a story of how i grazed my arm as i step out of a taxi. it was all i could come up with at the time, i don't think they actually believed me, but it was enough for them not to ask any more questions. On a different occasion about 12 - 18 months after that. I also deliberately burnt myself in an attempt to control my anger during an period of mild depression... but that only fed the need to further harm. fortunately 3rd time lucky i finally decided to stop. the closest I've been to repeating myself since were going all out in a crazy excercise regime, at least I managed to point my energy to a positive direction.

Even though i can understand i did what i did. i still feel ashamed for not being stronger or finding a better way to release it. unfortunately i know this happen on a too regular basis in the modern world, Although this world is becoming more and more over populated distance between us all are still on the increase. it is this emotional detachment that made me felt as if i had no option but to harm myself. Its hard for me to admit this, but i really should have tried to speak to someone sooner, i've always been extremely stubborn and self protective. to open up and admit to someone I need them was something i would not even consider. Now, almost a decade on, i finally realise I, like most people can not survive on my own and i too need others to support during the bad times. In realising that i too tried to help others in their time of need. I don't know if what i do is enough, but sometime just to have someone listening to you is all it takes. so please i beg of you to talk to those around you. i can guarantee you there is always someone there to listen if you are willing to talk, it can be a friend, family, teacher, doctor or even calling up the good smartians. i came close to calling them after burning myself, i decided not to in the end but just to know i could have was already giving me support.

I share my experience with you in the hope that you do not repeat the same mistake as me. please feel free to get in touch if you want to chat about this topic

As wrong as this may sound, I think it's only healthy we have something to be obsessed about, something that can grab our full attention. of course I only mean things that will not cause any harm to anyone else. This could be a person (You lover), an activity (Sex), a type of food (chocolate), a certain type of movie or music.

For me it's martial art, when I'm at the gym I can completely relax and forget about everything else, when I'm there, all i got to think about is how to fight or train better, nothing else matters, It's important for me to have that escape. Photography works as well, but it's harder for me to be "in the zone" so what's your obsession?

I'll expand on this when i have more time. Take Care Everyone

I love kids, I've always enjoy playing/looking after kids, even when i was 10, I did a good job at looking after those younger then me and I've always imagined I'd be a Dad one day.

A very close friend of mine who had just moved back to new zealand had recently had their first kid, even through msn I could sense how proud and happy he is to be a dad. When I first started in my job he was very much like an older brother to me. he taught me a lot while we had a good laugh and got into a whole bunch of trouble. from that alone I know him and his girlfriend will be a fantastic parents.

Unfortunately that can't be said about everyone. I see far too many supposedly parents around me who can barely look after themselves. I actually know people who deliberately get pregnant to get a freaking council flat, they actually use a kid as a TOOL to get a flat just so they can be a lazy S.O.B without having to work a day in their lives. I also know women who delibrately get pregnant in an attempt to keep their man. Now, i don't know about you, but in my eyes, you have a kid because you want to be a parent, it's not something you do to gain anything from, if anything you'll be doing an awfully large amount of giving for the rest of your life.

I have been fortuanate enough to have extremely supportive parents, I grew up in a loving home where my parents supported me in whatever I wanted to do. This was not something I've taken for granted, I had always knew of my luck. Too often do I hear/read stories how young children have been treated badly by their own parents/guardian/teachers and other adults in supposedly position of trust... each time i hear such stories it fills me with anger and sadness, how can anyone treat another human being so badly? let alone a child who came into this world with such innocencey?

If I could put down one rule for all mankind, I would make it so EVERYONE would have to take a test before they're allowed to have kids, far too many people are unfit to be parents. either financially or mentally. I'm not saying they're not allowed to have sex, just use a condom!

I like sex as much as the next guy, but if it means I could risk having a kid before I know I'm ready then I'm gonna keep it in my pants call me an idiot, pussy whatever.... I'm not gonna risk it until i know I'm emotionally, financially and mentally ready.

Sorry to rant, but this is something i feel very strongly about. If you bring a child to this world, make sure you can do a good job.