How to start. Post event mortem was tiring. I have this huge pile of paperwork to slowly and labouriously clear. But but but all is good. I just need more sleep actually and a social life back.

I have a lot of things floating around in my mind that it is pretty annoying. I feel like such a hypocrite now. It is sad actually. Putting up a brave front.Trying to make myself seem like everything is perfectly alright, SUCKS. I want to be back to the days when I m constantly cheerful and high as if I was on Ecstasy. But now, i think I really need Ecstasy to make me happy. I want to smile like I used to, play like I used to, enjoy like I used to. What happened to those days where every little thing will make me burst out into delirious laughter and happiness. I want surprises. I want to be surprised. I want to be able smile till my mini dimples come out, my cheeks creases, my eyes crinkles and twinkles. I want just achieve such minor goals.

But for now, I want to look forward to my birthday. If only they all will remember but they wont. And it wont matter much anymore. Just because I m not a slut, doesnt make my existence less visible. I wont be one, shall not be one and would hate to be one. And if that is the way a girl should be to make herself known, then I would proclaim myself a guy.

So halloween anyone ??