so lexi died. i really liked her, the little grey, her affair with Mcsteamy. the amlost cliche girl who managed to turn a sleep-around into i-love-only-u kind of guy. her breaking of mark sloan's penis. i was sad when they broke up, over what? i think was mark wanting to have a baby or something. and now, she is dead...

i used to wanna be a girl like lexi, always dreaming of turning a sleep-around into a loyal boyfriend. i love guys who are flirty. but experiences finally taught me good, no point lifting up a rock and smash it onto the toe. but that is still the kind of guy that attracts me...

im pretty tired now, was up since 8 to catch adam on idol, then flailed about it for the whole day. yup, he has more gigs coming up in the coming weeks. loves his voice and tommy's face. neon yellow is a pretty cool colour, that's why i decided to change my blog a little bit.

i love to write on this blog more now. kinda my tool of keeping me sane. needs to blog when im lonely, sad, desperate, happy, and lost. most of the time i am my own correcting mechanism. it sounds a bit pathetic though, being always the problem solver of my own life. i just don't wanna worry my parents, and don't trust myself telling my true feelings of my thoughts. words get lost. problem with communication. maybe i would whine a bit. but most of the times i kept everything to myself. and also cos most of my emotions are freaking temporary and irrelevant.

so im starting to read 1Q84. wanting to get my chinese in check. sometimes i have the feeling that im losing the language. couldn't express myself anymore. but is it the language problem or it's just my thoughts are getting more trivial and complicated? i am never good at understanding myself.

so trespassing is out. and seemed like it's dominating itunes chart, and on its way to billboard top. i don't understand how a person's sexuality can get into the way? why is the majority so discriminating against the minority? he is hardworking and i really like that about him.

and my mind also drifted back to paris whenever im in a daze. didn't hemingway wrote "If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young (wo)man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast". so i supposed to feel paris in my blood shouldn't i? maybe it was just too short a period of time. i just don't even feel like i have lived on a foreign land for 4 months of my life at all. i think i could barely remember what paris did to me. i just remember how i allow things to dramatize in paris. cos it's paris, it would be wrong if you keep calm and cool. if you love, you should go on a full speed, it should be a kind that can either break you or make you. you should crash and burn if you didn't get thru. so that was how i felt like in paris; i was in a greedy and extremely hungry mode. Like i wasn't living hard enough. i have to fill myself up with every emotions and physical objects. i forced things down my throat, that explains the weight gaining. even i felt like puking, i still had to engulf. i was hurting, but i still had to love. this is such a twisted mindset. crazy and once-in-a-lifetime drama. but why didn't my drama turned out into a movie. it's more like a manuscrīpt which was abandoned by the author half way through. so even on the craziness level, it wasn't shaked up enough. my mindset was aiming for a full explosion, but it turned out to be a sting in the nail. it still hurts like crazy, but the effect is barely seen.

but im expert at silent explosion. that's forever my weakness...

[HD] Adam Lambet - Never Close Our Eyes -... by IdolxMuzic

who knows he will wear such neon yellow shirt and nails and ear stud, but i love it!!! and i LOVE TOMMY'S MAKE UP!!! UNF!!!

also, i bought a neon colour bag, maybe it's under the whole trespassing in my blood lately. BUT i've got to say, this colour is growing in me :P

我当然瘦了，前后瘦了将近四十斤。那种感觉很好，好得超过了挨饿。我的旧身体，每天都是新大陆。我爱那种感觉——有了可能性的感觉。变成更美的自己，是有可能的；变成更好的自己，是有可能的。生活，是有可能的，遇见一个人，他愿意喂饱你喂好你，你们有最好的爱和最好的性，你们呆在一起，天然就很好。你值得拥有那么好的生活，因为你也那么好。

recent updates:

1. xiongyi's birthday gift has arrived :) and im happy abt it. although i kinda hoping it would be the swatch earring, it just had so much sentimental value inside. but im happy with the very thoughtful biscuits too, and i love love the chocolate inside as a surprise. it really did surprise me. i always love the card inside gifts, that would be the most valuable thing.

2. SONY's headphone is still amazing. still struggling with if i should get lambert's cd now. really want him to top the chart, but i also feel buying CD is kinda waste of physical space. i would only buy gorgor's CD and DVDs.

3. not many tuitions lately. thinking about reading more books and write sentimental stuff all over again... my parents became quite pushy lately, they want me to intern, want me to find a boyfriend. haiz, it's just not easy.

4. loving tommy's guitar style. it made me starting to like broken english.

im so freaking fucking happy now!!! have been out with xx for this whole afternoon. laughed until i almost stopped breathing. bought myself a very nice SONY headphone. loved the bright yellow bag i bought for myself the other day. love he. so that was really high. then i came back with loads of adam's videos waiting ;) i love him especially when he is with tommy. yea, i love his music, and i think i love tommy even more, for his looks and this amazing character!!! i love how cuckoo and trespassing sound!!! really hope that could be his third single

went to renew my passport in the morning. had some mishap there. so im gonna stuck with a super villagy country farmer look with hot pink scarf and almost look like short hair kind of hairstyle for the next ten years or so... hope i can change to sg passport soon so i stop using this one...

and shopping with my dad has always been great. we have amazing father daughter connection. we are just so funny!!! hahahaha

yea, so im very happy now :) love my headphone and everything on my tumblr dash now :)