I'm arrogant as hell, and I'm stubborn as a mule. I've got a pretty high opinion of myself - so it hurts like a bitch when I fall off my high horse. Being forced to learn humility isn't pleasant....But when you witness something that is nothing short of pure, genuine human goodness (especially when it thrives in the harshest of conditions) it doesn't hurt so much as inspire.So maybe, rather than falling on my face, hating myself and being depressed for a week after realising I'm not half the hot shit I thought I was - maybe I'll just hope to be a little bit more like discover_sarah. Learn to be forgiven and to forgive. She said to me:What's done is history,The future is mystery.Right now is a gift -That's why they call it the present.Corny as hell. But I recognised it because my Poppy used to tell that to me when I was little. Wish I'd listened to him then.Alright so I'm a slow learner. :P Sod off. I'm trying to grow a concience....Whoo. Getting uni work done on time.

Most of you are probably familiar with The Internet is for Porn as it seems to have done the rounds of forums and blogs everywhere. It's actually from an awesome musical called Avenue Q - a demented, politically incorrect version of Sesame Street. It has been showing at around the same time as Wicked - there were flyers for it all over London when I went to the West end.Being the obsessive dork I am - I was perusing the Wicked videos on Youtube and found this little gem.Galinda's song 'Popular' performed by the cast of Avenue Q.*Head asplode*I can hear Shane's music through his earphones. He's listening to the Wicked soundtrack. Heh. The madness spreads...Third day back at uni. Actually seem to have my shit together this time. Amazing. I KNOW.I've been happy today. I R teh produktiv.

Still feeling mildy crap and depressive. Went back to Dad's today. Pip gave me an eerie flash of her biggest, cheeriest smile as she flew out the door the minute I arrived and Dad bitched me out for 'not living in the real world' and 'wasting time on things that don't matter.'Everythings all perfectly clean. The Wart has moved into my old room - because Pip is turning his room (which used to be mine) into a nursery. She's ripping down the wall paper that my grandad put up while Mum was pregnant with me. The very last traces of me are slowly being removed from the house I grew up in, by a woman that has lived there for barely a year. Could she be anymore austentatious with the wedding photos? I swear everywhere I look there are photos of a veiled snowbeast grinning out at me.Soon she'll hatch her foul podlings and there will be more sentimental twittering, oohing and ahing over baby clothes and more revolting nonsense. Dad's freaking out because at 55 he really doesn't need any more kids...but because he's been completely and utterly pussywhipped he'll just do what he's told. Ass.Yep. Pissed off now. In need of a drink.So - therefore, good people of LJ: Your mission, should you choose to accept it.Come to the 'At Worlds End' Party at Connections this Saturday night. Dress as a punky pirate. Wear a parrot on your shoulder for free entry. And we shall drink. And we shall swashbuckle. And we shall cavort with wenches. And we shall be merry...in accordance with the prophecy.I need a night of bad behaviour and shenanigens to scrub away the disturbing, stepford wife, straight'n'narrow cooties. Coooome to Connies..*makes spooky hand guestures*

Yeah. Post-Deathly Hallows/Big Gay Roadtrip blues definately sinking in. That and I seem to have a sore throat, a splitting headache, infected eyes and a nice habit of coughing my lungs up when I wake up.Paid off my library fine yesterday- but apparently there is still a sanction on my account. Oh good.I probably don't need to see my results though, as I got an email from student services informing me that I've been placed on Conditional status.I actually kinda already knew that this was going to happen, so when I read the news I was sort of 'Yeah. Figured.' Rang up to book an appointment with one of the student services counsellors to sort things out. The receptionist was very rude.The prospect of going back to uni depresses me, because I know that although it should be, my studies aren't my priority. And yet - I need to remain a student to continue the work I'm doing.I'm not a good student. I never have been. I get bored too easily and have my own agenda. I'm not sure I want to make a career out of my artwork. I have a talent - but two years of the bullshit of studying fine arts beat any real enthusiasm I have for art out of me. And that saddens me.I'd still love to write comics, and to illustrate books - but the only thing I can think of is that it would get in the way of what I really want, what I feel I really need to do.It's not that I dislike design. I adore it. I just wish I had more time to dedicate to it - because I know that I could be an A student easily. But that means giving up the work that I'm doing now - which means so much more to me.Maybe next year I ought to take up the GALE position and just work for six months instead of doing a grad dip like I planned....it means that I can focus on my career as an activist wholeheartedly. Although, I still want to run for the NUS National Officer position, which means I would still be studying - but externally and part time. No way could I handle both - plus study and work.But first - I need to make sure I get that effing degree.*sigh* I really want to go out tonight. No serious debauchery or shenanigens. Just dinner and a glass of wine somewhere with a few friends. I've come home to an eerily empty house two nights in a row. I could really use some friendly company.

I will be taking an LJ hiatus from now until I finish readingDeathly Hallows. I hear some asshat managed to leak major plot points onto the internet and it's spreading like wildfire. I should like to avoid spoilers at any cost.I have been reading Potter since I was twelve. I have been waiting eight years for this - and if anyone so much as breathes a word of what happensin book seventhen I swear there shall be murder done. I'm thinking of cancelling my Saturday shift so I can read it in one day, before the party which I justknow will involve much discussion about the book - which will drive me insane if I haven't finished it.Gah. I have a nine hour shift finishing at three in the morning on Saturday - and the book launch at Borders is at 6.30. I of course will be in costume (Thinking possibly of going as Bellatrix...although Tonks would be easier.).They're giving out plushie owls to all thosedressed up. ^_^ The one with the best costume gets to open the first batch of books. *Drool*I shall win that contest damnit....*envisions self trampling on armies of six year olds to elimate competition*Sometimes I have trouble remembering that I am actuallya mature twenty year old woman with two jobs anda uni degree.....It's easy to forget.