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Sono Kumagai
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i'm aging...and getting more twisted!

gah!

can't stand that i'm gonna be quarter of a century old this year...

what have i done so far? slacking...wasting time...wasting resources...wasting virtual disk space writing blogs of nonsense...

told myself that i must have a direction this year...of what i wanna do, for real...

no more dilly dally, no more sloppiness, no more craps...

i have to get my acts together...

but i can visualize that 12 months down the road, i'll still be doing the same thing, sitting in the same room, typing on the same keyboard and looking at the same monitor...

is it that hard to change?

i think most of the time, human are scared of changes...i know i am, though i don't admit it, but i think my sub-conscious knows it too...

most of us are reluctant to change, that's why we get upset when we have to move to another place, unless it's going to college miles away from home, but then again, there's still that itsy-bitsy sense of insecurity...

unless you're really reallyfed up with your work, or else i don't think anybody would wanna resign when you haven't found another job that you think you MIGHT enjoy...i know for that matter, bcuz i've been there...jobless for 4 months, not knowing what the future holds, that sense of emptiness...but then again, being jobless is not so scary to me, at least i don't have bills chasing my butt, but even if i do, i think i'd get a part-time job somewhere, even if the wage is small, at least i have something to cure my boredom and earn some basic income...the fact is, being jobless is not a big change...everybody's been jobless before, it's just like having summer vacation (for you 4 season country residents) or year end holidays (for us tropics with no summer holidays)...

it's really hard to take that initial step, that very first step towards any changes, i know i'd rather sit tight and pretend nothing's wrong unless i can't deal with it anymore...because when you do take that step, you're in a realm of uncertainties, you don't know what's coming, and you don't know what to expect...i know for a fact that every job is the same, but the human mind differs...if you're interested in something, it'll be fun to you; but if you're not, even if you get paid millions, you'd do it, just for the sake of getting the millions, but deep inside, you did not satisfy the desire of joy...

face it, everybody in this world wants to be happy...even if you dislike happiness, you'll still be satisfied if you're unhappy...you get what i mean...everybody has their own sets of "Happy Elements" and i think no 2 person is the same...for instance A might be happy bcuz he gets to eat Unagi-bento today...B is happy to eat Unagi-bento too, but would be happier if he gets to drink a cup of  hot coffee right there right now...everybody's perception and need on anything are different from others, thus no 2 person in this world are the same, even if you are the same, you wouldn't know anyway!

anyway, enough rants for this early morning...i still have a day job to go to in 6 hours...

damn...i still haven't got myself some new clothes for Chinese New Year...

consequences of aging, nothing seems to attract me now, except maybe...nothingness...

over 11 years ago 0 likes  4 comments  0 shares
Photo 33443
i know how you feel, i'm at the same stage...everything seems the same either way... change isn't such a bad thing, its mostly the idea of change that scare people into staying put, they feel comfortable in life, but yet they know that something must be done in order to move forward, then they start to think too much into it and in the end they figure that no change is better....the hardest part of changing is getting motivated and taking those first few steps in the direction that you want to go, after that its just like everything else it has its ups and downs, if the endstate is really that important to you then you'll be able to deal with both... good luck to you... take it easy
over 11 years ago
Photo 1831
I know what you mean. I want to take steps to reaching my goal but I just don't know which way to go yet. Good luck to you...just don't freak out...
over 11 years ago
Photo 50023
My dad has said this to me before. Everything that we do in life eventually gets undone anyway. The moment we die or kick the bucket is the moment that everything in our life gets undone. So we ask in this sense, what is the purpose of life? In the same vein of thought we also ask, what is the purpose of work? Other than giving us money or the needs to survive, what does work do? The purpose of work (according to my dad) is something to keep us people from being bored, that's all. Accountants, doctors, lawyers, actors, authors, artists, architects, designers....all these 'roles' or careers are basically to keep our minds and bodies occupied with interests, with things to do. Otherwise we would get bored very easily. That's the real reason why we work... If you look at it deeply from a philosophical perspective, there is no real purpose in life. There is no inherent value in any of the things on Earth we do in life other than for us to experience what life is. It is not life making our purpose interesting, the fun is when it is actually us ourselves creating purpose intentionally to make our life interesting. Or to put it another way from another book I'd read. Life was created because God had nothing else to do....and you raise the love and truth of God - make God proud - by just simply being, and acknowledging who you are. To me, the only thing of value I find of real value in life is helping others. Through helping others we create much more than just a job/career or good-looking paycheck. We create real meaning in life. Because we appreciate and get appreciated by others for doing things that are way beyond the face value of money. That is why I enjoy work and my pursuit of becoming a philanthropist one day, and why my dad says he'll work till he goes past retirement - cos it makes our life interesting. Yes you are right, there is an inherent nothingness in life. The nothingness exists because there is no real purpose in life. That is why therefore we have to work! To create purpose, or something of meaning or value within this nothingness or meaninglessness that we live. Life is all about a fine balance between the extremes.
over 11 years ago
Bleupluie 89 sono
i've been a bit slow in responding to my own blog comments... sorry you guys...appreciate your sharing some thoughts with me... well Jason, i'd like to share another thought that zapped into my brain just the other day, with reference to my human existence blog: the Earth is facing threats of destruction from within and from outside elements, things like meteors may or may not hit the Earth one day, nuclear wars, environmental disasters, and it's up to humans to save the Earth...we normal people may not be the rocket scientists and heroes to save the world, but we definitely play one important part, that is to keep the economy running and increase funding for new research & developments to take place... doesn't make accountants, doctors, lawyers, actors, authors, artists, architects, designers and any other occupation just means of curing boredom ay? i think i'm getting some positivity back~
over 11 years ago

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Languages Spoken
english, cantonese, mandarin, japanese, korean, malay, hokkien
Location (City, Country)
Malaysia
Gender
Male
Member Since
January 7, 2006

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