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Sono Kumagai

Posted over 4 years ago | 0 people like this | Shared 0 times | 3 comments

home, sometime isn't safe anymore

i'm supposed to be sleeping at this hour...

at home, my own bed...

where am i?

my youngest aunt, Aunty Lily's house...

yes, the one i stayed at when my house was under construction...

the one about 30-45 minutes away from the city...

why i'm here may or may not surprise you, but here i go...

remember when i said i'm getting the cheque and leaving...

yes i was tired, i wanted to go home...sleep was the objective

but as i was heading home, i thought of a friend, JW, so i called and ask can i stop by?

he said just come over...

he's just staying near my house, probably 3 minutes away?

anyway...

it's the first time at J's...

i don't know why, even though i'm so freakin' tired, something told me to go there...

yeah...don't ask...

sometimes my senses are crazy, but i trust my senses...

or i have learn to trust my senses now...

it was fun at J's, so many people...

i even chatted with his dad...

and his friend knows my friend...

there were so many people running around in the house, it's so alive...

a big contrast to mine...empty...

mum just went to Aunty Lily's because aunty's going guiding today, so mum left earlier in the afternoon before i headed out...

i didn't wanna go back to an empty home, it's not that i'm scared of my own house, but it's just empty...boring...lifeless...

and sometimes these things can scare the hell out of you!

it was great fun at J's...we talked about all kinds of stuff, old memories back in college, friends, even ghost stories...yeah...nothing bad, just sharing what we know, and what we miss...yeah...

then it was 2230hrs, J looks tired already, and he had stuff to do, so i'd better leave...

and there was a cat sitting under my car...but as i approach my car, it left...

as i step into my car, i thought of my dog, and crap, she hasn't had dinner yet!!

so i drove home, not rushing...just normal speed...or slightly slower...

when i reached home, it was all dark, because i didn't expect i'd leave for so long...

i didn't even lock my main gate, but everything was intact...so i should be fine...i think?

then i unlocked the iron grill, stepped inside, on the lights inside and outside, rushed to the kitchen, took out the dog food and kept on apologizing to my dog as i went to approach her...

i went back in, closed the iron grill, the door, and slotted everything close...off the light outside, and started wandering in the house doing whatever...

i changed into my house wear...and came out to the living room to watch some TV, since Korean dramas are still on...maybe not the one i am eager to watch, but it certainly has its own attraction...it's a detective drama called Lucifer (마왕), ring any bell?

i reheated the soup mum cooked earlier in the day while watching the TV, in low fire, slowly...c'mon, it's soup...if you cook in max fire, it just doesn't feel right...

and every now and then i'll check the soup whether it's boiling...

and by the third time i checked, it was, so i off the switch, took a bowl, and started picking vegetables into the bowl, then scooped the soup into the bowl, and then took a few spoons of cold rice from the cooker and put into the soup, that's gonna be my supper...

returning to the living room for the drama...

actually i've already felt that i've seen this part before, but it's not this version, probably a Hong Kong drama, Taiwanese drama, Japanese drama, i don't know, so i did sms James to check with him, but he didn't reply...

then as i continued watching, the plot thickens, and so does the impression in my memory...i held it in and kept on eating, and watching...until a point i couldn't take it anymore, i took my cell and called JW...J...i have a dejavu feeling, like from the instant i stepped into your house, i felt i've been there before, but it's my first time there...(actually there was a drawing at J's house which looked really familiar, probably from my childhood memory of Aunty Louisa's house i'm not sure, but it was a drawing from HK, and it sure freaked me out...)

he said it's nothing, i'm just thinking too much, because nobody's home...he says i'll be ok, nothing's gonna happen, it's my house, what am i afraid of, i have a dog...

but still...

i switched to another channel, and it was entertainment news...it was supposed to be pleasant, but it was worse, it's as if i've seen the news and i know what they're gonna say next...i switched the tv off and called J again to ask him to come to my house...

he said he couldn't come, there are people at his house...i said i insist he comes, but he says he can't...i'm scared, he says it's nothing...so i put down the phone...

but i was still uneasy...i called Aunty Lily to ask if there was any wrong at home, she says nothing, and asked whether i wanted to talk to my mum...and so we talked...

and the whole scenario is like a replay of what i've done before...the conversation, the fear, everything...

i've been home alone before, but this fear in my heart, it's the first time...it's as if something is bound to happen, and i'm in the middle of it all, and i have nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, it's that scary...frightening, i couldn't think, or i could think, but i just didn't know what to do but talk on my cell...

and so i called my god bro, but no answer, cuz he's from west malaysia and he was here last week, just checking, but i guess he's sleeping soundly...

then i called Ket to ask for help...he was laughing, but i couldn't...i wanted to look for the bat that i keep in my room, but my feet hesitated to move into the bedroom even though i was in there moments ago...i wouldn't dare to step into the guestroom, or my mum's room, or the bathroom, or even the kitchen where i just cooked my supper...it was that odd feeling, a sense of panic...and suddenly i looked in front, as though someone from above gave me a hint, a hammer was right on the cupboard in front of me...

while talking to Ket, i held on to the hammer for dear life...i know if anything happens, at least i have something to protect myself...yes, i was that scared...

i don't wanna die yet, i have so many things to do, and i have just understood my purpose to live and what i wanna do with life, i don't wanna leave yet, it's just too early...and i won't let it happen...i have to live, i have missions, i have dreams...i don't wanna die...

with that in mind, i kept on blabbing whatever over the cell, and rushed Ket to come...

and so he was coming...

and i put down the phone...

i held on to the hammer so tightly, i couldn't feel anything but the hammer handle...just the feeling of having it in my hands gave me some sense of security, and that i'm going to go through this, hopefully, and it'll be over as soon as Ket and the others come...

yes, i know he'll be getting some people over...

then a car passed...i know it's not him...

a few moments later, the feeling came back again, so i called, he said he's on his way, with reinforcements...

so a while later, a double-cab pulled in...

i called to Ket to ask if that's him...

it was...

and i told him, i will now open the door, on the lights, take the key outside to unlock the gate...

he says ok....

and i stepped out of the house, looking left and right, with the hammer in my hands...

and i rushed to the gate to unlock, and i saw my friends...Ket, David, and his cousin Simon...

a relief, but i'm not entirely at ease yet, something still feels wrong...

and we talked outside...

Ket too the hammer from me, and i glared at him...we were both thinking the same thing about each other...what are you planning on doing with the hammer...

but no, we won't use it on each other, we trust each other...no words needed to express that

we talked for a while, then another car pulled in, Alex...

i was glad, at least i know, these friends i have are for life...

i can depend on them...i can always depend on my secondary school friends...anytime...anywhere...as long as i call them...and they come to me

i wanted to cry, but tears won't come out...i was that tensed...

and they say let's go in and check the house...i told him where i've been and where i've not been...so they asked whether i wanna stay here tonight, or do i wanna leave...i said i dun wanna be alone here, i'd rather go to my aunt's house at lokkawi...i was that desperate to leave the place, i feel like i'm in hell when i'm in my own home...

how ironic, and sad...

so they say i have to hurry pack and change...i said i don't need to pack, i have clothes there, i just need to change, but before that, anybody mind checking the attached bathroom for me? i don't wanna anybody or anything to jump on me while i change...in my own room...that's really a tragedy...

even the guys were scared to open the door...

Alex was the one to do so, but even he hesitated, when he has the greatest height among us all, and the most fit to fight off anything, compared to Ket and David who are on the chubby side after years leaving school, and Simon still skinny...

Ket said just open the door, Alex said what if there's a robber in there...

Ket said i'm here with a hammer ok!

and so Alex did...

but there was nothing...to our relief...

Alex said there's a stench, i said yeah, we unplugged the water supply and haven't used the room for a while...

i said nobody died on the roof right?

David finally said something, no way, if there were, the whole house would stink...

true...

and so i changed, swiftly...went out, took my keys, took my pouch with my wallet and camera inside...and instinctively pushed the button for my car alarm...it's a free alarm system if anything should go wrong...and i put the car keys back on the table, they say take the key, i say why? there's no use...they say just take it...fine...i took it...

and we left, closed everything...and David started to pull out his cigarette after we were all outside in my garage...

then i said give me one...i don't care...i don't smoke that much already but today's a different situation...i have to calm down...

and we slowly walked towards the gate...i even asked them if they wanted mangoes, even this sentence feels like it's scripted...i've seen it, i've experienced it...but have i escaped from it? i don't know yet...

then we all went out...i wanted to release my dog, but then David was like scared, so i didn't...my dog has a secret exit anyway, she sometimes run out on her own and we don't even know where her secret passage is...

and we all stepped out, and got into the car, i got in Alex's, since Ket's was full of stuff...and then i threw away half of the cigarette that i didn't finish, because i'd rather leave...even that small gesture is familiar...

fictional or fact? illusion or reality? if you were in my shoes, what would you do? will you run? where will you run to? who would you call out for? will they come to your rescue? how much do you trust them?

even on our way to lokkawi, i feel the journey familiar...although i always take the same road, but the feeling is different...what i'm sensing is different...even what i say to Alex, everything i tell him, i've said them before...in another lifetime? in another dimension? in my dream? in my past? are we living in the past? are we reliving our lives as we die when we get old? or when we die out of expectations? what happens after we die? do we live again? do we go into trance? am i in a trance right now? i can feel everything i feel, but am i alive? am i sure i am alive?

the instant we reach my aunt's house, and i see my mum, i eased a bit...and i tell Alex, my mum's gonna keep on thanking you guys...and she did...

and i thank them for going through this with me...and waved goodbye as they leave with a reminder to drive safely....

so...am i safe?

i couldn't sleep...i still sms'ed some people...

then i had to leave the room which i shared with Aunty Lily for a warm Milo in the kitchen, then mum followed suit as she heard me opening and closing the room door...

we talked for a while about my whole activity after she left...

and she told me there were 2 persons on the bike the other day, they were staring at me when i reached home...were they the culprit? am i too sensitive? did something really happen? what happened? i don't know...was somebody after me? with issues? or simply bcuz they wanted to rob? or did they have other things in mind...

my car tyre damages...were they behind this? what did i do without me realizing it...and to whom?

all the mysteries in life...do you wanna know the answer? what will you do with the answer? is it better to know everything? or just be safe?

i guess i don't know...i wanna be safe, but i will still wonder if what happened last night was just a coincidence, or was something really bound to happen if i didn't act like i did?

it's not about you being careless, it's about others being not careful sometimes...

is this over yet? i may not wanna stay at home for a while with something like this happening, the devil is still in there...somewhere...


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Photo 24063
e ling says :
TQ for the call this morning~~ half way reading this during my lunch.. no worries... i only being disturb by annoying devil~~ which i really no idea how to start come out with dirty word to him alrd.. anyway~~ the korean drama u mentioned, remind me of the special drama after the Lucifer.. Girl.. finally finish reading ur whole article.. a clap for myself 1st.. the 1st time i can finish long english article within 30mins... anyway.. if you still felt insecure... after ur morning rest, go back home and check for your doggie's secret passage... then check whether the hole can fit people or not.. (sorry if you dun understand what i try to say, been years din type or speak in english alrd) then check besides your house... the trees and the back.. ur store room(if have,i think i never see any storeroom there).. then... always make ur call out 1st person is the one who can go to ur hse in shortest time... about the feeling of repeating your action, speech, etc... it's fine.. no worries!! i always have the same situation! no matter good or bad things... just be brave to face it! sometimes during our rest, in our dream.. we did visual our future and past.. just, did we can memorised or not! i am glad that ket and alex them can be there with you anytime! with their help and protect i am sure you will be fine! hope today you will feeling better!! take care ya my fren!!! p.s: no worries on my lately! only when the devil is away from me. i will be fine.... (am thinking a way to push the devil out from my life)!
Posted over 4 years ago | 0   0
Photo 24063
e ling says :
shock me.., thought my msg gone... hate my office line!! sigh! anyway!! take care!!! you can share anything you wan with me.. i am always there!! ^.^ p.s: tq for being there while i am down.. and you sense that as well~~
Posted over 4 years ago | 0   0
Photo 1831
music note says :
It can feel uneasy to have that kind of feeling. It's like your mind is playing tricks on you or something.
Posted over 4 years ago | 0   0
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Sono Kumagai

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Favorite Faves language learning, photography, music, chill out with my friends, surfing online, sleep, cuddle up with someone special :p
Member Since January 7, 2006
Gender female
Hometown Sabah

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