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• Beliefs...

  Friday, Sep 23, 2011 1:27AM / Standard Entry / hmm... / Members only
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  some call it God, some call it faith, some call it self assurance...no matter what you call it, it keeps you going, it keeps you alive, it takes you to where you are today, even here, to my humble blog...

  it's late at night, and i don't think i can sleep well if i don't pour this out...

  no prejudice, no criticism, any comments are welcome, and i will try to remain neutral as well...

  it started with a simple outing with a friend to look for a backpack at a huge shopping mall in the outskirt of the city, unsuccessful yet fun...and before i could go home, i was dragged to my friend's house by her sister, so that we can finish pizza over a movie...

  the flick choice: The Rite...yet another exorcism related flick...Anthony Hopkins, still intriguing at this age...mad applause...

  by the time it reaches the highlight, i have an idea of what's going to happen, so i went out for a sip of cigarette...and that was when all the thoughts return to me...

  something strange happened to me last year...and after that, i tried my best to strive hard in whatever i do, just to get over what happened...some say it was my alter ego stirring my daily life, others say possession by invisible beings, whatever it was, it's been over a year, i've had good days, bad days, happy days, sad days, moodless days, delightful days and so on...

  after all the excitement died, i started to get physically, mentally and spiritually tired...hence i was out of reach by others for almost 6 months...3 months were spent in total silence, no music, no internet, no radio, just the TV and the couch, all day long...i had no job, i had no income, i had no thoughts, i had no ideas, i had nothing i wanted to do but sit or lay there, watching tv or spacing out, i was probably at the lowest point of my life...i was trying to realize something, but i do not know what it was or could be...i was just a living corpse at home...it was probably a good thing to go totally blank for some time in my life, i had too many things going on...it was time to actually rest, and empty myself...

  you, unfortunately, do not own anything in this world, but yourself...things you 'own' are only in your possession when you are alive in this world...after you leave this world, you do not own those things anymore, they become meaningless to you, as you become meaningless to the world for not existing in it...you may be remembered, or not...but this does not matter anymore, as you do not live in this world...your name will be erased from the world's identity database, you do not leave anything behind...once mankind cease to exist, whatever that you have achieved, which were remembered by those that matters, will cease to exist as well...

  therefore, why do we exist? what is our purpose? why do we do what we do? there is no real answer to that. Some hopefuls will say, you do not know your purpose now, but give a few more years, and you'll find the answer...some finds the answer, but is that the correct answer? or is that the answer that you wish to be the answer? whatever it is, as long as it keeps you going, then it's a good answer...

  many people do not really strive hard enough in life, they think they do, but it's never enough... there will always be another better person than you, worst person that you, so why compare? you just do what you think is right, what is worthy, what is meaningful to you, then, i think, that would be good enough...

  love what you love passionately, work what you work on diligently, enjoy what you enjoy whole-heartedly, so that when you get old and too weak to do what you wanna do, you can still tell your grandchildren, or young people who are still fresh to the world, some awesome stories of your youth...a good story, not a messed up story, that you will be proud to share...

  i finished writing earlier than i thought...i'm flying off to the West for a concert later 9 something at night...have a good weekend, and don't try to define everything with an answer, sometimes, it's good to doubt a bit...we are only human...

  i bid you good night

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