no need to be too nice or this will happen

so i got stopped in a restaurant between the ladies room and my table by a boy and his group that had been drinking... too much... on a tuesday (maybe it was wednesday), whatever.  they were polite and talkative and pretty annoying if you ask me and i was stuck cuz the one would not shut up and i'm too nice.  (the theme of this story: there is no need to ever be too nice) 

so this is the jyst of the conversation that was completely pointless and i lost 7 minutes of my life to it.

boy: hi.  are you vietnamese... or...
me: chinese.
boy: really... so you are from...
me: here.
boy: so your parents are from beijing?
me: no.  they are from taiwan.
boy: wait a minute... but you said...
me: yes.  they are from taiwan.  i am chinese not taiwanese (really wanted to say: dont try to be smart.  there is no need to start this conversation because i KNOW that my parents are from taiwan and i KNOW that i am chinese and your whiteboyness is not going to impress me with your useless knowledge)
boy: where do you live?
me: midtown.  grew up in kennesaw.
boy: really.  kennesaw.  did you own a gun?
me: no but i did own a broom.
boy: (confusion on face) i lived in kennesaw for a year and didn't have a gun and my neighbors said that if i didn't get one then they would put a sign out in my yard stating i don't have one. hahaha.  did you know that...
me: yes... you have to own a gun in kennesaw.  you also have to own a broom and your elephant must not exceed a certain weight (dead laws that are no longer enforced in kennesaw cuz really... who owns an elephant on 1/4 acre of land) 
me thinking:  really... am i having this conversation.  is he trying to show me how well informed he is?  its not working... i'm winning and he is looking dumb.

and it keeps on going....

him: so our server says you dated a bartender here.
me: no
him: no really... who did you date?
me: i didnt
him: but
me thinking:  honest to effing god!!!!  why would i lie to you about who i didn't date?!!!!!!  are you serious!  are you dumb!!!!!  i think you might be retarded!!!!!!!!  aaaaahhhhhhhhhh
me: my sister did
him: YOU HAVE A TWIN?!
me: no i have a sister
him: who did she date
me: the asian boy behind you
him: so you have what... an asian husband at home?
me: no i have a  white boy at home
him: (that might have been the most awesome answer he has ever heard because he had to walk away and recompose himself before turning around to continue our conversation) is he younger or old?
me: younger
him: robbing the cradle i see...
another him:  i'm --------.  do you want a shot?
me: i don't drink
another him: (utter shock) i don't know what to say to that (returns to his drink)
him: you are at a bar and you don't drink?
me: this is actually a restaurant with a bar
asian bartender boy my sis dated: ANNIE!!!!!
me: yes... (help)
asian bartender boy my sis dated: is your sis here?
me: yeah she's on the patio
him: oh i'm keeping you from your party.  i''ll let you get back to your party. it was nice meeting you

OMG really!!! you thought i might be here by myself... alone... waiting for someone like YOU to talk to me... WHAT?!!!! are you stupid?! do you need a chaperone?  can i call your mom for you?  look really... i'm sure you are a nice guy but don't you think there is an appropriate time to try to pick up a chick (and this is not it).  it is 10pm, on a weekday, your the ONLY party at the bar and why would you think that i would be here looking for conversation at 10pm, on a weekday, in an empty bar.  busy bar, lots of people... i get it, try away. however, times like these when no one is around i am way to nice and feel bad for cutting a person off and leaving and will end up talking nonsense for way to long.  i need to come up with a good escape plan.  maybe i should just be a bitch and just walk away.  maybe...