This past weekend, I had dinner with my friend Brian and the next thing I knew, I was crashing their road trip to the Hamptons!

Topless boys with iPhones... mmmmmm applications.... hawt.


The Affirmative Action group bused into the Hamptons.

$30 Target bikini picked up, tried on, and purchased within 15 minutes. GO ME.


Summertime summer time...

Afterwards, we went to a Haaaaaaaaaampton-chic pool party. Men with private jets and models 5"9 and above only. I stood out like a fresh bucket of greasey fried chicken at an anorexic model party.

I paid Paparazzi Brian to hide in the bushes and take pictures of me.

This is my: "OH SHIT IS THAT RUSSELL SIMMONS???" look.

Pictured ( left to right ): Russell Simmons, Illegitamite Love Child, Russell's Hot 23 year old Girlfriend.


We love scallions and free food.