Taipei- Land of Walking Stick Figure Girls

So I just got back from Taipei. I've realized that it's like some alternative universe where they hide all the gorgeous women so that one day I can visit it and feel absolutely horrible about myself. Taipei, why are all your women tall and skinny and so fabulous looking? How can you offer such tasty fatty food and still produce tall walking stickfigure girls? YOU GUYS EAT PROCESSED NON NUTRITIOUS WHITE RICE FOR GOD'S SAKES.

One night, I was at a lounge when a Walking Stick Figure Girl #9874509345 flails her Skelator arm and my drink goes all down my shirt. She looks at me and looks away without apologizing! At first, I was ready to knock her out with my belly, sumo style. But, as my blog shows, I'm a classy girl. I mean, I guess I could understand. One, I had a fucked up mullet hair cut I got in Taiwan. Note to self, I'm not Japanese girl in cute Japanese fashion magazine. Two, I was about 50 lbs fatter than she was. Hey, you try eating stuff on a stick everyday and not get fat. Three, my mosquito bitten legs looked like I was suffering from a bout of smallbox, circa 1842.

I'd be a bitch too if I saw me.

But just to be clear, people in Taiwan are super friendly and nice. I can't wait to go with my BF next time... you know, after he gains 60lbs and grows a hideous mole on his face with long white hairs curling out of it.

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