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Erica So
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1% Uncertainty

上次我提過對結婚的遲疑, 大家提出了不少疑問, 想是我沒有交代清楚. 不是我不想交代清楚, 而是連我自己都說不準為何遲疑.  感覺是原因太多, 隨便指出一樣都不對, 卻全都是對的.  唉, 現在連我自己都被弄胡塗了!

1) 結婚是長大成人的証明, 而我還不想成長啊!  但是我早已負上成人的責任, 獨立養自己養家人.  所以, 說起來, 這個理由好像不能成立? 2) 結婚後要乖乖的謝絕其他異性的注意 / 好意, 那生活可會悶透?  但是自和 WHH 同住之後我便(被迫)放棄了這種自由, 而且我亦絕對絕對不想找別人來取代 WHH... 所以這個理由好像亦不能成立? 3) 結婚後不能再財政獨立了, 要和 WHH 共同為將來準備... 這個好像完全不成理由!  WHH 的將會變成我的, 而我的仍然是我的,很好啊! 4) 結婚後便順理成章的要有小孩... 這個我真的是又愛又怕.  愛小孩卻怕痛怕死怕傷心怕責任!  但是這個理由好像還有一段時間才真會影響我... 5) 該是我懶惰吧...  結婚是一生一世的承諾, 到死為止的努力.  我懷疑自己有否這心思這耐力.  現在單是做個好女兒好員工已經夠我受的了, 實在算不上是好女友, 更不敢想像怎樣去全心全意做個好妻子.  看我明年三月結婚, 卻有可能從今年十月起搬到日本工作生活.  到了那邊便會有自己的生活, 自己的社交, 根本不可能做什麼妻子. 

可能問題不在於以上的任何一項, 問題是在各方面都可看出我的心仍未定下來.  就算只有 1% 的不肯定, 婚姻都會不完美...  一切就看餘下的六月了.

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In a prior entry I mentioned my uncertainty in getting married, and you raised many different questions.  I guess I did not explain clearly why I was uncertain, not because I did not want to but because I could not.  It seems that there are too many factors causing my uncertainty, hence even I was confused by myself and could not pinpoint a particular reason.

1) Getting married is the final step in becoming an adult, and I still don't want to be a grown up yet!  However, from supporting myself to planning for my family, I have had shouldered the grown-up responsibilities for long no matter how unwilling I am to grow up.  Hence, this reason does not seem to stand. 2) Getting married means I have to avoid all attention from the opposite sex, then life will become very boring!  Oh but I have given up this "freedom" ever since I moved in with WHH 2 yrs ago, and to me WHH is definitely irreplaceable... guess this reason does not stand either. 3) Getting married means WHH and I will have to work together for our finance.  Well this is actually a good idea, as WHH's asset will all become mine while mine will still be mine... great! 4) Getting married will eventually lead to having kids...  This is where my ambivanlence is, as I love kids but am afraid of the pain the danger and the lifelong responsibilities and concerns for my kids.  However, this reason is not going to impact me until a long while later! 5) Finally it should be my laziness...  Marriage is an eternal commitment, an effort that is required until the day you die.  I wonder if I have such diligence and spirit!  It's already a challenge to be a good daughter and a good employee, on the love life side I am not paying that much effort at all.  I am getting married next March but I may be living and working in Jap starting this October.  Once there, I'll have my own social life and commitment, it'd be a stretch to try to be a good wife.

Probably, the problem is not on any of the above item, the problem is from any angle I can still see how I am not yet 100% settled down. My marriage will not be perfect even with only 1% of uncertainty...  so all has to depend on the remaining 6 months.  

Oh and I tried the face manga thing, but i don't know how to make one that looks like me... what do you think? haha, and it was hard to choose the clothes.  I do not wear T-shirt at all, while most other options make me a few cup sizes bigger!  Maybe i should "embrace" my manga body...

me (the ears are really like my ears tho', LOL): Photobucket

WHH (totally looks like him, i'm proud!): Photobucket

almost 12 years ago 0 likes  11 comments  0 shares
Photo 1831
I don't really see you as a lazy person. lol
almost 12 years ago
Default avatar
JS
sweet face your mangas :) I'm sure a lot of people have doubts before they marry, but it must be a wonderful journey to be with the one you love through life. you sound to be a great daughter to me, and dedicated to your family.
almost 12 years ago
Photo 16256
A doesn't read this blog? Are you settling down with A bc you don't think you can find anyone better? Or are you still wondering what's out there and if you should settle down with A? At some point, you have to settle on your decision and not mind missing out on the other possible opportunities in the opposite sex. Are you desiring more attention yourself...which has less to do with your marriage decision than it does your own vanity? You can postpone the marriage. Would that raise too many questions?
almost 12 years ago
Photo 1831
Those manga pics of you two are cute!
almost 12 years ago
Photo 5614
hehee... this is a cute avatar of you... it looks like you... =)
almost 12 years ago
Photo 5614
yea and WHH's is cute too... hehee... very cheesy! hahaa.. =)
almost 12 years ago
Photo 12272
Not bad!
almost 12 years ago
Photo 12272
Cute!
almost 12 years ago
Photo 12272
Hope that thing work out for you OK. separation may let you think more clear; but fm. my point of view, I really think a couple is better not to live seperately. BUT I love Japan too.....
almost 12 years ago
Photo 911
well june is just around the corner!!. i'm sure you'll know for sure by then.. good luck
almost 12 years ago
Photo 34078
Good job on your avatars! How long have you and WHH been together now? Have you talked to him about the uncertainty you feel? Sure getting married means being an adult but you can still be young at heart.
almost 12 years ago

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Welcome to MY Profile! Can't live without art, and my favorite form of art is the yummiest... food! What's your favorite? ^0^ 生命是無盡的學習: 現在的我要學習找尋自我 C

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