In a prior entry I mentioned my uncertainty in getting married, and you raised many different questions. I guess I did not explain clearly why I was uncertain, not because I did not want to but because I could not. It seems that there are too many factors causing my uncertainty, hence even I was confused by myself and could not pinpoint a particular reason.
1) Getting married is the final step in becoming an adult, and I still don't want to be a grown up yet! However, from supporting myself to planning for my family, I have had shouldered the grown-up responsibilities for long no matter how unwilling I am to grow up. Hence, this reason does not seem to stand.
2) Getting married means I have to avoid all attention from the opposite sex, then life will become very boring! Oh but I have given up this "freedom" ever since I moved in with WHH 2 yrs ago, and to me WHH is definitely irreplaceable... guess this reason does not stand either.
3) Getting married means WHH and I will have to work together for our finance. Well this is actually a good idea, as WHH's asset will all become mine while mine will still be mine... great!
4) Getting married will eventually lead to having kids... This is where my ambivanlence is, as I love kids but am afraid of the pain the danger and the lifelong responsibilities and concerns for my kids. However, this reason is not going to impact me until a long while later!
5) Finally it should be my laziness... Marriage is an eternal commitment, an effort that is required until the day you die. I wonder if I have such diligence and spirit! It's already a challenge to be a good daughter and a good employee, on the love life side I am not paying that much effort at all. I am getting married next March but I may be living and working in Jap starting this October. Once there, I'll have my own social life and commitment, it'd be a stretch to try to be a good wife.
Probably, the problem is not on any of the above item, the problem is from any angle I can still see how I am not yet 100% settled down.
My marriage will not be perfect even with only 1% of uncertainty... so all has to depend on the remaining 6 months.
Oh and I tried the face manga thing, but i don't know how to make one that looks like me... what do you think?
haha, and it was hard to choose the clothes. I do not wear T-shirt at all, while most other options make me a few cup sizes bigger! Maybe i should "embrace" my manga body...
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