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- "Live in the world, but be not of it"
Words of a very wise man (certainly not me)
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More introspection
Tuesday, Nov 10, 2009 9:02PM / Members only
You know, it seems that almost everytime I write in this blog, I'm spilling my guts as if I was talking to a shrink or a priest or something rather than putting everything out on the net for all to see. What I can't understand is why that doesn't bother me. I feel like I'm looking for something that can't be found in a confidential setting, but by putting my thoughts and emotions out there as if someone is going to give me the answer through their response. Is that silly or is there a reason I feel led to do this?
I'm always alone. I long ago learned to embrace my solitude, but now it's starting to hurt. I'm out of place where I am. I'm a forty-something college student in a world of twenty-somethings and I'm avoided like a bad cold virus (swine flu, the plague, or the T virus would be an over statement). Many of my peers don't even respect me because of my age. They know I've had years of previous music training and lots of professional experience, but the fact that I'm just as confused as they are seems to make them feel let down. Maybe they thought I could make their lives easier by giving them the answers they need to pass their classes or maybe their just dissapointed because they expected me to do better. We often expect perfection in people, but none of us is perfect. A person can only do their best. There's nothing else. If one fails, that's something they must take up with themselves, their professors, and their Maker. Hell, I fail all the time. Today I'm confronting something. I have a German song I was supposed to learn over the past two weeks (a lot of time). I know the music, but I don't have the words memorized and I know that I will be berated before my peers for failing my task. I accept that. If you go to learn anything and you worry about how you will do or if you'll impress those around you, you won't learn. You have to fall flat on your face in a controlled environment so you can avoid doing so in a real life situation. Music is like martial art in that respect.
I guess what's really bringing me down is that even my brother has started avoiding me. Well, he's going through some hard times himself, so he needs room to breath and gather himself. All I can do is hope and pray things will turn up for him.
Well, I guess that's it for now. Peace.
JS
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JKD
Saturday, Oct 31, 2009 7:34AM / Members only
Lately, I've been watching jeet kune do videos on Youtube with Jerry Poteet, Octavio Quintero, Dan Inosanto, and Paul Vunak among others. After seeing real jeet kune do and what it can do (not to an opponent but for the practitioner), my mind is made up; I want to study jeet kune do. There is one little problem though, there are no qualified jeet kune do instructors where I live. Oh well. I'll wait till there is someone or until I can afford to drive out of town twice a week for instruction. -
Just feel like writing
Sunday, Jun 7, 2009 2:26PM / Members only
Well, It's been a while since I've blogged on this site. I really don't have anything in particular to say, I just feel like writing.
My life may be approaching a crossroad. I may not be able to continue my university studies in the fall. I'll save the details of this situation from this blog. I should be worried, afraid, angry, or even panicked about this, but I'm actually not. That is, I try to stay positive in the adversity I face, for if I can't continue my studies, what am I to do with my life? I won't delve into religion here, but I am a person of faith (I strive to be is the more humble way of putting it). I'm more concerned with the here and now than I am with the future or the past, despite the many memories I have that I can never escape (the greater part of them are good, maybe one or two are bad). If the fall semester comes and I find myself unable to go on with my studies, I will take that as an opportunity to do something else that, perhaps, is more important for me to accomplish at that time. Very simple, no?
For now, I'm taking courses over the summer, and working on my piano playing skills. I don't practice the guitar as much as I used to. I started playing piano when I was about 15, but never had any keyboard instrument to practice with until last year, so I suppose I'm catching up for the lost time. It's all going well and I'm even writing songs based more on keyboards than guitar. It's a whole other dimension. As long as I'm on the topic of music, I had a challenging spring semester with my voice classes, but I pulled off the repertoire I needed to learn, which was comprised of five songs, two in English, one in Spanish (my second language), one in French (something of a third language for me), and another in German (I only know a few phrases, but I can easily decipher lyrics with the help of dictionaries). The German one was tough because it has a fast tempo, and, if you don't practice slowly for a while, will tie one's tongue in a knot (if your not a native German speaker, it can be challenging learning and applying the rules of pronunciation. Lucky for me, I took a class in German Diction). I was surprised I wasn't given anything in Italian. Maybe my teacher thought it would be too easy, since I'm pretty good with Italian, although I don't speak it very well. All my songs for this semester were particularly challenging where vocal and musical technique are concerned. Anyway, I was a bit shaky and falling behind around mid-semester, but pulled through nicely when it came time for juries at the end of the semester. I feel good about that.
The martial art thing has been evasive since I used to train in Mexico (a 15 minute drive from where I live). When the drug violence started getting out of hand, I stopped crossing and told my Shifu that it was nothing personal, but I had to consider my safety. I'm licensed to carry concealed firearms in my state, but Mexico is another country and you just can't beat bullets and RPGs (Rocket Propelled Grenades) with wushu. On my side of the border, Chinese martial arts are slim pickings. There are only sanshou classes. I wanted to either continue my contemporary wushu training or take up a traditional form, like wing chun. I was also intrested in JKD and Krav Maga. Even Filipino Arnis would be cool, but no dice. My former commanding officer in the Texas State Guard is an Arnis instructor, but doesn't have time to teach it. So, in my quest for some sort of combatives instruction, I ran into a man who showed me proof of his JKD and Kenpo linaege. He also showed me his linaege in Danse de Rue Savate, which is what he teaches in his school (he also offers firearms training and Capoeira). Well, he talked me into going to one of his classes. I liked it. It's very different from any Asian style I've studied. What I was taught that day didn't involve dancing about and throwing swinging kicks. I was shown some very effective in-fighting techniques I'd not seen before. After the class, I asked the Professor if what he was teaching that day was Kenpo. He informed me that it was, in fact, Savate. I told him I had never seen any such in-fighting at any Savate tournament I'd attended. He explained, "You've seen the sport. this is actual French street fighting I teach." Well, as I always say, I have a lot to learn. I agreed to attend again. If the fee doesn't bury me, I might just stick with it. It can't hurt (figuratively speaking). If it will help me stay in shape and defend myself, it's good. Besides, Bruce Lee studied it while formulating the martial method he called Jeet Kune Do. If it was good enough for him, it's good enough for me.
I'm happy to say my mom is in good health. She still has trouble with her blood pressure and I can't convince her to stop smoking, but she's doing alright. She works from home and is very involved with religious pursuits.
That's all I have for now. My life isn't anything like that of most men my age (then again, I'm nothing like most men my age), but I can't deny that it's going well, thank God.
Peace,
JS
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Long Time...
Tuesday, Feb 24, 2009 8:22AM / Members only
Yeah, It's been a while since I posted anything. I've been busy with school. I must be the worst student ever! I can hardly get up in the morning to go to class. Exhaustion is a sign of old age...or malnutrition. In December, I collapsed after a gig due to hypoglycemia. I hadn't eaten in three days. I didn't even notice my hunger. Now I make it a point to eat. If it hadn't been for my brother being with me when I passed out, I might have gone into a coma. He gave me a slice of pizza after bringing me around. Close call.
Anyway, here's a note to myself: in the future, register for late classes when possible. That would solve the morning problem. I've always been very nocturnal and by no means a morning person. That will have to change. I'm working on it. I also need to quit smoking. Being a devout Roman Catholic, I can be thankful for the upcoming Lent season. That's a perfect opportunity for me to give the damn things up. I'd been a non-smoker for years until after my first semester back in university after twenty years. I had come home from my voice juries (I'm a music major specializing in classical voice. Dunno if I mentioned that before) and, following a friend's advice after he saw how stressed I was, I had a glass of wine when I came home after. In fact, I had TWO big glasses of wine and decided to have a cigarette. I've been off the wagon since. On Wednesday, I'm climbing right back on.
I'm taking a weight training class for regular exercise. I'd rather be practicing wushu, but where I live, the only Chinese gong fu on this side of the US-Mexico border available is sanshou. Been there, done that. I'd like to be studying bagua, xingyi, and chen taiji, or a traditional style (wing chun, to be precise). Well, I'll have to settle with the yang forms I learned. I know a guy who goes out of town to study krav maga. That's something that interests me too. Well, I may just go for the sanshou after I get myself back into shape. The only other alternatives are tae kwon do and karate. Been there, done that too. Nothing against either of the two, but I prefer Chinese martial arts.
I've a lot of writing to do for my classes this week. Good thing I enjoy writing.
I'm gracious to those of you who actually take the time to read my blogs and comment on them. My life is actually one of solitude. You know, I'm cool with that. Growing up an Army brat, I became accustomed to long periods of loneliness. After a time, I learned to cherish my solitude; even embrace it. Being a forty-something college student among a world of twenty-somethings has a way of keeping me isolated, but here's the cool part: I'm older than most of my professors. That doesn't mean I'm better than them, but it does mean that I understand them better than I did when I was a twenty-something, and they understand me. One of them told me, "Us old guys have to stick together," to which I responded "True, but you have a doctoral degree and I'm still an undergrad, which gives me a slight advantage." "What would that be," he asked. "I'm learning from you," I answered. He exclaimed that it was nice to have a student who appreciates the knowledge he imparts as his profession. It was a good conversation.
Well, that's all that's on my mind right now. Peace to all.
JS
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Small World Update
Sunday, Aug 31, 2008 6:59PM / Members only
Strange how there's a Force that warns you how things might have been if one was to change anything in his past.
Its turns out that the girl spoken of in another blog entry would have made my life a disaster had I gotten her before my brother. She did to my brother. She would have mood swings in which she would say a lot of really ugly things to him. I would never could have put up with that. Good thing I never hooked up with her.
My brother has since stopped seeing her.
Peace,
JS
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JoanneSandersonposted on Monday, Nov 16, 2009 2:51AM [Report]I completely agree with you. I think often people look at philosophy as a mere fictional sentence rather than having come from the truth of experience, such a shame they can't take it in. Good choice from Socrates. -
JRSposted on Friday, Mar 6, 2009 12:37PM [Report]That's funny! The only time I felt right with the sun's rising and setting was when I was in Hawaii. That was a 3-hr difference (during daylight savings time)....I couldn't believe I was tired by 10pm their time but when I thought about it, it was 1am my time at home, so it made sense!
Isn't Australia like about 13 hrs diff? Oh, wait, that's for my time zone. It must be more like 15 hrs for your time zone. I've never been to Australia. Didja like it? -
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critterdeeposted on Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009 11:00AM [Report]HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
I share Feb with you! My b-day was the 1st. =) -
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JRSposted on Tuesday, Sep 16, 2008 2:53PM [Report]I'm glad to hear your mum is okay but you said you aren't doing so well? How can you leave one hanging like that???? haha.
Seriously, whatever is the matter, I hope for a positive resolution. It's hard to be specific with my good thoughts, but please know that I'm thinking about you! =) -
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Flagdayposted on Thursday, Jul 24, 2008 5:33AM [Report]At your age honey, time to just AXE. lol I have a lovely cousin (41) who's such a forceful businesswoman but when she meets a guy she talks around what she'd REALLY like to say. I told her that I'm coming with her next time she goes out for the night and I'll be her pimp. hahaha You don't know me well so just to clarify THAT WAS A JOKE. I'd never accept money. haha -
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Stats
- I hope there are people here who will recognize me from my wushu days (paused but far from over). I'm currently a music student at Texas A&M International University...I hope there are people here who will recognize me from my wushu days (paused but far from over). I'm currently a music student at Texas A&M International University. While I started practicing and studying martial arts when I was 12, I've been a musician all my life. I sing, play guitar, bass, keys and am familiar enough with the drum kit.
I'm working towrds a Bachelor of Music degree specializing in Classical Voice Performance. It's a lot of work, but I love it. I still practice Taiji when I can, but would love to be able to do changquan again. I'd probably be more interested in Xingi and/or Bagua. Alas, there are no shifu's where I live, at least on my side of the Texas/Mexico border. We do have a sanshou club at the university and I may join.
By the way, I'm not just a classical musician. I've played Rock-n-Roll since I was like 10. You can hear my music on myspace at http:www.myspace.com/josephalphonse.
I've a second profile there, but it's not hard to find if you care to see it.
That's me. Wanna know more? Just ask.
BTW, The profile editor here only allows you to say if you speak English, Mandarin, or Cantonese. I speak English, of course, and Spanish fluently. I also have some German, Italian, Latin, and French. I have a smattering of Mandarin, but hardly enough for conversation. - Age: 43
- Gender: Male
- Total visits: 4,293
