Forever and a day

Okay, so yeah, it's ben forever since I've added any sort of blog. And this probably isn't going to be much of one, lol. There isn't much that's happened except for the fact that I work all the time. I haven't had much time to do much of anything, much less blog. I did finally get to go on a bit of vacation and so I went to Georgia to visit my family. I had an absolute blast, though I had to pay for it. I worked both of my jobs everyday this week. 55 hours total. I'm so damned tired I can hardly form coherent sentences. But here I am, sitting in front of my computer uploading my pictures, and writing a new blog. I've been happy and I've been hurt. I thought I'd found the guy of my dreams, who has really turned out to be , at least right now he is, a total jack ass. We had a few really great dates, talked on the phone constantly, and then after I talked to him last monday, i've heard nothing from him. I've lost 30 pounds and was beginning to feel sexy, to feel like i'd accomplished something. Someone liked me, someone wanted me, and then BOOM nothing. I don't know what to think. I haven't even tried calling him because I don't want to seem desperate. But then again, I want to know if he's okay. He's has Chrones and Colitis disease and it makes him depressed. I'm hoping that his aversion is a part of that. But I just don't know. He also has a kid so that could be part of the problem. I just don't know. This whole ordeal has thrown me for a loop and I don't want to think he's an ass, b/c when we're together he makes me so happy. He makes me feel special. He makes me feel like I'm someone special. What am I supposed to do?! Give up and move on?! I just can't do that until I know what's wrong with him, or me, if I'm the problem. I admit now that I might have fallen in love with him, despite that I'd only known him for a couple of months. Oh well. Unless something happens I suppose I'll have to give up. Maybe this is God's way of telling me this isn't it that there's something else I"m supposed to do, someone else that's meant for me. Who am I to know what is the will of God? All I can do is trust in Him, but damnit it's hard to do! I'm such a control oriented person that it's so hard for me to give up that hard won control. I know that probably no more than five people will read this, but oh well. It at least makes me feel better to get it out there and off my chest.

I'm out. It's almost midnight here and i've worked all week and finally have the day off tomorrow. So, I'm gonna go finish my beer, watch Primeval, and then go to bed. Laters.