I have been writing down my various experiences over the last couple of years, sharing thoughts, feelings, and ideas with all who care to read them.  Mostly I write them for me, for my own archives, snippets of life, as testaments to the complexities of being a modern woman in today’s world.  But as I sit here writing about yesterday’s incredible US presidential election, I am humbled by the lack of words, and my inability to express my feelings of such a monumental event.

I have been voting for twenty years now, since my 18^th birthday, when I was privileged enough to be in the United States of America, voting in the incredible election of 1988.   Twenty years.  It gives one pause does it not?  And those twenty years, I have voted on a variety of issues, taking advantage of this rarest of gifts, the ability to choose the next president, senator, governor… I have taken up my right as a woman, as a full citizen of this country, as one who needs to express her choices and held on dearly to that right.   I grew up in country where this was not the norm, nor was it expected to happen at that time.  And I voted before my own father and at twenty years his junior.   Twenty years.  It is a whole generation that.   Twenty years of voting for the rights of women to be able to have the ability to choose whether or not to have a child.  Twenty years of voting for the economic rights of the majority.  Twenty years voting against wars and against abuse of rights. 

But in my twenty years of voting, never have I feel as incredibly empowered and privileged to be voting for the next president of the United States of America.   Thanks to my mother I am an American citizen—and thanks to her, I am able to vote freely, without fear of reprisal or retribution.   

After a grueling twenty-month campaign, we the people of the United States of America have voted a mulatto to the Presidency of the United States.  We voted a black man into office, with a majority of the popular vote at 52%, and a landslide in the electoral college, with over 300 electoral votes.  As a Haitian-American, countries with black presidents are nothing new to me.  But to see it here, where despite forty years of incredible change, this seemed impossible just a year ago, it is truly magnificent.  I feel for the first time represented by my president elect, and I cannot describe to you the emotion that threatens to overwhelm me at the thought.  I thought I was above all that, above the tears, or choking up at the idea.  But twenty -four hours after this historic announcement, I find that I was, and still am more emotionally invested in this marvelous event than I thought at first.  

I have never been one to impose my political views.  My work has been generally non-partisan, and therefore I have often kept my views private. But my intimate friends know that I tend to vote independent, libertarian or democratic.  I vote for what I believe in.   But despite this tendency to try to understand the other point of view, it has been hard to accept people’s choices, especially when their views are diametrically opposed to mine.  But it has been equally had to remain impartial, when unilaterally condemning the other parties has been the sport of choice.   And we all have been guilty of that.

President Obama speaks to me, because he takes the time to listen, doesn’t shoot necessarily from the hip, thinks about his responses and doesn’t commit to things he does not yet understand. He seems to listen first, and think about the issue before responding.  He understands the plight of women.  He understands the roles and responsibility of a parent.   He stands to inherit the biggest mess this country has seen in the last forty years, or more. But I am confident that he will make the necessary changes to steer this country in the right direction.  I am confident that this hyphenated American understands the make-up of our diverse society.  And I am confident that he will do his best for the country.

But y’all—twenty-years of voting is a mighty long time.  Exactly twenty years to come to this moment in time, to this presidency, to this expression of thought and passion.  How long have we come in twenty years.  How often we forget where we’ve come from.

 Yesterday my roomate and I hosted an election results party- the closing event to an ongoing debate watching appointment hosted in the Van Ness apartment over the last several months.  I, of course, true to form, have missed most of these debates,  watching them from hotel rooms and noisy bars in Haiti.  But I was here for this one.  We had about twenty friends  join us, many of them hyphenated Americans, from all over the country and the world, our chilling champagne ( always chilling for the right occasion)  ready to be opened.  

 We started the countdown to the inevitable.  Things were looking dicey for a while, and Mc Cain was ahead in the electoral polls, when suddenly,  with glee and clapping vociferously our first positive notice:  Pennsylvania to Obama.  And then more wonderful news!  Florida for Obama !  Ohio for Obama!  Hardly able to contain ourselves we sat on tenterhooks, still questions the results, as the precincts where still pouring results…. And then Virginia for Obama!  The clamor in the house was incredible!  And finally, at about 11 pm the electoral votes jumped and Obama won the election!!!!! 

The emotional moment was incredible. For minutes none of us could really believe it.  The television repeated the news, but s till we were disbelieving.  And then, McCain conceded the election… and tears of joy started to flow.  Those who tried to call our various family members could not get through with all the busy circuits.  This felt like the day Aristide left in 2004.  The joy and disbelief… not quite wanted to hoop for fear of this being cruel joke… and then Mc Cain spoke.  His most excellent speech was gracious, respectful  and supportive of Obama.  He calmed booers, shook his head and urged them to work with the new president elect.  All I could think is how  had he run his campaign with the same grace he made this particular speech,  we may have still been counting votes today…

And then we waited for President elect Obama, who made his speech in Chicago.    And he did not disappoint.  Arriving with his wife and young daughters, the picture of elegance and bearing, he not only looked presidential, but he looked approachable.  A man like many others, and yet extraordinary.    And his speech, urging all to work with him, inviting all Americans to join together to bring change, he struck a chord, saying that for those whose votes he hadn’t earned, he still had heard their concerns, and that he would be their  president as well….  I am still chocking up.   But we all sat listening to this man and saying to ourselves, that this on one of those defining moments, where we will say,  twenty years from now, do you remember where you when President elect Obama  took the stand in Chicago?

There is that twenty year marker again.  Makes me feel positively ancient.

After our three bottles of Veuve Cliquot and Piper Heisdeck,  we headed out in the yucky rain to the White House/Lafayette square area, in front of President’ Bush home for the last eight years.  As we walked down Connecticut avenue,  long time DC residents were in awe at the incredible atmosphere in the City at one am on a Tuesday.  Throngs of people all shouting  “Obama’s House!”  and screaming up and down the street.  Cars blaring and honking their horns in celebration.  The sense of euphoria was overwhelming.  Everyone in camaraderie and bonhomie shaking each other’s hands, giving hugs.  Big smiles everywhere.  Lafayette Park was full with young people, in their early twenties, probably their first major election.   We all I believe felt a little disconnected with the youth, but partaking in the spirit of the event.  Impromptu drummers beating the call, providing the incessant rhythm to which we all marched.  Moving songs, and most interestingly, the total happiness felt by over 10,000 people at 2 am on  a Tuesday, was what spoke to me.   We even met up with Joan Baez, the folk singer, and we hope to see her at the inauguration.  People, some disbelieving at first (as they always are) stopped me in the streets to take a picture of the Haitian American for Obama.  It felt good to be me last night.

Gotta love this country.

Ultimately, the sense of hope that I and I think everyone at the house that night felt to the depth of our souls, is what sustains us today, after very little sleep and the ongoing troubles facing us at work and in our economy. After all, the real work of changing America is only NOW beginning.

Let me just say again that twenty years is a long time to see this happen.  And tonight, I am feeling every one of those years.

Ah the fabulous lazy days of summer... hot weather, sunshine galore... or is it summer thunderstorms?

 Just got back from the Caribbean again, where, over the last six months I have been staying for weeks on end for work. I am not complaining, not really, but there is something to be said about being AT home in the summer months. So many things have been happening around the world-- changes in world politics, terrible floods and earthquakes and other natural disasters, prices of food and gas have shot up, creating panic in certain circles, and causing riots in others.

My job, which entails traveling to these discontented places, in hopes of resolving some of these pesky issues, has more than given me something to bite and work on...but at the same time, i have to wonder if i am doing enough, if i am doing anything well enough to change the way things are. I trust that i am, but, when fighting government bureaucracies, arguing the necessity of donor funding, and implementing local programming, getting our beneficiaries closer to some sort of economic, if not social, valorisation... I sometimes want to strangle the bureaucrats.

Part of my guilty pleasure amidst all of this chaos, other than sitting on a beach whenever possible, and reconnecting with old friends, was to watch the Euro 2008-- with Spain winning the cup, and promising excellent games for the next world cup. But these days i am finding myself looking at what my accomplishments have been, what i have completed, and mapping out the next couple of years ahead.

Summer months are good for this sort of existential introspection.

and for reading very romantic litterature.

Ah yes, once again, my poor little country is rioting.  this is a current, constant calamity.  Rioting, looting, generally crying out to the world, beomoaning our problems, political, and other economic problems.

My country is hungry, has no work, and the goverment, although doing something, is doing too little.

Don't know when we are ever going to see some positive change... I mean, yes, there is some positive things, but in 22 years, 22 years since the fall of the dicatatorship, it seems that we have more people, less opportunity, more poverty....

Sigh.

So, I am not sure "Carnaval" is a tradition in all cultures, but it most certainly is in mine.  I missed this year's three night extravaganza, with millions of people in the streets dancing to these bands in huge trucks.  Think Rio Carnaval but more pact, and less pretty. always bracketed by two days of pre carnival festivities.  so, really, 5 days in which to drink, be merry, be very merry, and get ready for lent.

Be that is it may, since i was not in my home country, i missed it.  don't like the million people crowd either, so more than likely i would have skipped it.  But it is the principle of the thing.

so now, i have post carnival blues.  I am tired ( although i did NOTHING) and achy ( might be the cold weather) and am now fully concentrated on the various remaining primaries-- hoping to catch at least ONE of the US presidential debates ... I am hoping for something extraordinary to happen to the democratic party --- hurrah for the potential of history making presidents!

of course this always feeds into the post carnival blues....

CHeers!

So, here we are again, one year later.   As every year, i take a moment to take a look back at the year which ended, and sort of ponder at the horrible and great moments of my life... thus far.  Then i take a deep breath and make a few standard resolutions ( you know the kind:  i will exercise more, i will budget more efficiently, i will... etc etc etc...) and some less standard ones as well.  This is generally a gratifying exercise, since the year is new, and well, the slate is clean so to speak.  One can look ahead and make these grandiose plans and exorcise all one's demons.

But this year, as i rang in the year with some friends, drinking champagne, dancing to some compas and salsa and other fun music, i realized that life is a just a series of great moments. some are tiny, some are momentous, however, overall, one can plan as much as one wants, but at the end of the day, it is the small moments of happiness, of sadness, of wonder , of discovery, and the appreciation of the people we meet, either in passing or for a length of time, that shape ourselves and our ongoing present and future.

So, although i don't know many of you reading this (if you do), and even if I do,  just now that you have made an impact in however small a way on my life.  Happy new year to you all and the very best for 2008!

Ching len kwai le... in my very bad chinese aproximation.

Nathalie