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• A Lonely Soul

  Thursday, Jan 1, 2009 12:00AM / Standard Entry / Members only
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            It's 12am now! Happy New Year to Everybody. I'm sure that you guys are having a great time now. But not for me. Definitely nope. Here I am, home alone, have no one to cheer with or talk to, feeling all so blue and sad. It's suffocating. Haiz ... ... How lonely and pathetic I am.
  
            My gosh! The loneliness and the emptiness are eating me alive. I just don't know how to cope with it. It's just so difficult and it makes me hard to breathe. I'm such a loser! A pathetic loser!
  
  

  
  
  

            Today in the gym, Sherman said that I look extra sad and blue, and he's concerning about what's wrong with me. So, it is obvious that I'm lonely. It's like I'm releasing some kind of aura or energy or the smell of loneliness + emptiness. I think I can be a pretty good ambassador for LONELINESS. 
  
            Well, I don't know what's wrong with me either. I guess it's because of everybody seems to have an exciting plan to welcome the new year, EXCEPT ME. Sigh ... ... My life shouldn't be like this and I don't want it to be like this either. I mean, I'm 22, still young, I should have go out and have some fun. And what the fuck am I doing here? Wasting my youth in front of the laptop! I'll definitely gonna regret it and hate myself for this when I'm old.
  
  

  
  
  

            Just yesterday, Colin called and asked me what did I get for X'mas. I told him the truth, which is nothing. And he finds it very hard to believe. Well, believe it or not, I don't get a single X'mas present this year or any other years before, and I don't even get a birthday present from anyone that I know. Not that I'm complaining because I don't expect to get one either. I'm just trying to state the point that I'm lonely, miserable, pathetic and sad here.
  
  

   

            But today, Sherman surprised me. He gave me a birthday present. And I really thank him for that. Although it's not something expensive, I love it. In fact, it's my first birthday present that I have ever got for the last 10 years, or maybe longer than that. His small gesture certainly did stop me from thinking of killing myself.
  
            Anyway, my new year resolutions? Well, none. Because I don't want to expect and hope for something, and then get nothing and disappoint myself in the end.
  

  

            I guess I'll just cry myself to sleep now. 
  
            Wishing all of you a great 2009 ahead! Bonne Annee!