Hmm... Where to start? Well, first things first. I would like to talk about my girlfriend... and her "best" friend. It's been clouding my mind for a long time and it's just getting out of control. Well, my girlfriend (let's call her J) and her "best" friend (calling him K) have known each other for a long time; before we even got to together. No, I am not jealous but recently they have gotten incredibly close and I haven't said anything to my girlfriend because I'm not in the mood to deal with her anger and stubbornness.

Basically, it first started sometime in February 2009, when K had broken up with his girlfriend. J doing what a friend should be doing was being there for him. She lent him a place to crash and food for him to eat. Fair enough, I most probably would do that for a friend. But from that day on, they got closer and closer as friends and I just did not like it.

So the first real thing that I think/ know I should be annoyed about is when one night K was out drinking with his mates. So J said he can come over to crash. And so he did. The next morning, we were meant to go to work together but because K crashed the night. J decided to call in sick, spent the entire day with him and said they will come see me after I finish work. So throughout the day, K had to go back to his home and J went with him. They got back and had some time before they had to leave to come meet me after work. So they decided to have a nap... on the same f*cking bed. (No, they did not sleep with each other but I'm sorry, I don't know what good friend shares the same bed like that). I finished work and because they left late, I had to wait around for them for over an hour. I should have gone home but I was stupid enough to wait around. While waiting around I bumped into a friend (a girl) and we were speaking for a bit. J & K finally arrived, walking towards me with her arm linking his arm.  So we went to have dinner and decided to go home afterwards. They dropped me off home first and J said that she was going home but ended up going out with him and didn't have the courtesy to tell me before I left the car. Sigh... It properly pissed me off that day and I think J clearly saw that I was. I finally came out with it and she said that she won't be napping on the same bed with him or any friend like that again.

Second real thing was only recently. Again while I was at work and she said that she'll come see me and have dinner with me after I finish work. But instead K called her out and she went shopping with him. Went home and had dinner with him. They also sat/ lied in the same bed again, talking/ taking pictures or whatever they were doing. When I saw the pictures, I just wanted to smash the laptop or something but instead I just kept quiet. Why say things when you can't keep to your word?

Thirdly, it was on her birthday. I threw her a surprise party. Obviously, I invited him because he's a close friend of hers and you can say to a certain point we are friends too. He bought her a bracelet for a present. It cost £98. What kind of friend buys such an expensive gift for another friend? I know I wouldn't. Also, he was singing "We Belong Together" on the mic. She was filming him and then he decided to sit next to her & then the camera was on the two of them. They were sitting quite close, I think his arm over her shoulder and they were both singing the song together. They are just close friends. I know it sounds stupid but I haven't done anything like that with her before. It's not like I haven't asked because I have and she refused it.

You might be thinking, "You sound like a bitch right now" but I think I have a reason to feel like this. The reason being is I used to have a close friend (my friend's called A). A broke up with her boyfriend and I was there for her on the phone and in person. I invited her out to yum cha/ eat dim sum with my girlfriend a bunch of her friends that I did not know. So, most of the time I was speaking with A. Same thing at another J's birthday. And because of all those times, J did not like it; I decided to speak with A less often. And now J has done things I don't like, it gives me every reason to be unhappy. I want to tell J this but I really don't want to deal with her temper. I spoke with A about all this... and let's just say she's putting ideas into my head.

Haiiiiiiiiii... I don't know what to do!

Yoo..

 

It is Friday 3rd July, 3.51am. I wouldn't be up if it wasn't for my friend. She kept me up so she can update me with what this guy is telling her. & if it wasn't for my friend, I guess I would have never read your blog until a later date.

 

Well basically, what happened was that my friend was telling me about her situation. At the same time I was so bored & tired that I didn't know what to do to entertain myself. Funny enough, I decided to read up on your blog entries.

 

The latest entry was about me. I really wasn't expecting this. & you haven't posted another entry since. This was the entry you posted.

 

"02 November

 

-PL-

 

Am mega mega megaaa bored 2nite!! So i been tryna find stuff to entertain myself with.. but no luck... been listening and singing to the high school musical 3 soundtrack over and over agen tonite coz i seriously cudnt think of nothing to do haha.. but then after a few hours of that, i got bored, and so yeh.. i went back to being bored..zzzzz...

 

Browsin around on facebook just now and went onto ur profile.. been reading our wall-to-wall from wayyy back, and omg, some of the stuff we used to write to each other brought back so many memories!! So funny man!! We used to cuss each other like crazy and we had sooo many jokesss!! lol.. I miss u so much sometimes.. hardly get to see u and chat to u now since u moved to kingston, coz u dont have that "privacy" as u have certain people around u. Im glad that things arent weird between us coz we havent seen each other for so long, coz after linkin u so randomly last time, even though it was only for an hour or so, we still managed to have jokes!! =D We need to link agen man!! Come back to se london and come and drive to see meee!! Petrol is cheap now.. so no excuse for havin no petrol =P But den im not trustin u to drive me around coz ur drivin is leathal still!! And i thought i was bad!!!! haha

 

But yeh jus thought id write something coz im so bored tonite, and when i read our wall-to-wall it jus made me think about u and i jus wana say, i miss youuuuuu bludd haha!! =) Anyway, i'l chat to u soon and hopefully see u agen soon!! xx

 

23:55"

 

I read back on our wall-to-wall messages on facebook too and it is SO jokes! I miss you too. I had a great time that day. I wish I can have the photos. It looked nice. It's never gonna be weird between us because I won't let it get there. I just want you to know, you are the closest friend I have and I do not want to lose you. You mean a lot to me and it would be a horrible feeling if I lost you as a friend. I'm sorry about that time when I pissed you off. I know you did so don't deny it. See you soon girl!! xx

My first blog & from the looks of it, it doesn't look too good. Well, it depends which angle you look at it I suppose. The situation is pretty bad, but the positive thing is, I'm seeking help of some sort. I'm pretty sure a lot of people are going through what I am at the moment, but for me, I don't know what to do.

So basically, I have been studying all my life so far. But I hate studying so much. I wanted to stop studying while I was still in college. My motivation and determination to study just vanished. I really wanted to give up right there and then. Obviously, I didn't because all of my friends and family advised me to stay in education and get a degree. I listened to each and every one of my friends & family & like probably everyone, I continued with my education. It wasn't just their advice but I also wanted to do it so that my parents can be proud.

At this very moment, I'm back in phase one, where I have lost all sense of motivation and determination to continue with my studies. I'm repeating my 2nd year. Yes, I did fail some modules last year & now I gotta repeat the failed modules. But like an idiot, I told my parents that I am in my final year. They are all expecting me to graduate this year & finally find a career I can settle in. But my studies are not going very well, so when the time comes, I have to confront my parents about my whole situation. I don't know how they are going to take it. I don't know how to bring it up & tell them. & most of all I don't know what I should do when this academic year ends.

Most people would already know by the time they are 18 - 20 or maybe even younger what their dream would be. I don't know what kind of career I want to be in. Obviously, I have thought about many things that I might be able to do but there's always that bit of uncertainty. Also, with the economy the way it is, it is pretty hard. *sigh*