Jaine *
291,829 views| 172  Posts

the value of manners

Well the silly season is well and truly upon us, apart from depressing world news which I wont recount, I have just witnessed people doing inconsiderate and dangerous things over the last few days.   Who would try and ram a camper van with your family in vehicle, even if it is a SUV (WTF), who smashes glass bottles on a beach where small children play barefoot (and yes I cleaned up the glass when I found it).  Why do normal people do such things?

I do a bit of online trading on trademe , especially coming up to Xmas.  My daughter likes Disney videos and I wanted to get her a couple of Walt Disney movies that she doesn't have.  Alice in Wonderland is one of her faves so that was on the list.  I bought one that was advertised as the Disney version but when it arrived it was a cheap version done by another animation company.    New feedback had also appeared on the Traders profile that was quite scathing that made it apparent I was not the only person this had happened to.  The feedback also implied the trader was not responding to emails about the matter.  Anyway, although I was mad, I sent a polite email requesting a refund if I returned the dvd.   The Trader responded by thanking me for my polite email and agreeing to the refund.  Now it took awhile and I did send another polite (but threatening further action) email and this morning the refund is in my account.

I am a firm believer that you catch more flies with honey.  After all, I like to be treated with courtesy and given the option of redress if I stuff up.   There is always the option of getting stroppier later if needed.

How do you respond when someone mistreats you (either unintentionally, or on purpose), do you have a stock standard response depending on the situation?

  btw I really like this laughing icon, it is so cute!

about 13 years ago 0 likes  11 comments  0 shares
Photo 31984
No pattern of response, I think I just did what you did. I got fined a couple of times from parking right in front of my house. I called the council, and they weren't very cooperative, so I wrote them a polite but threatening letter. I got my reimbursement and an authorised card to park in front of my house. The laughing icons are cute, I looked closer and I think I can see little tonsils =)
about 13 years ago
Photo 28042
It's always best to be polite. Who responds to being yelled at? No one. There will always be an opportunity to be nasty if the other party doesn't respond to a polite request and if you have no other recourse and you need your pound of flesh. I've always found that no one gives a shit when I get all exercised---it's all just me and my blood pressure. Yes, I agree, numerous reasons for being polite. Was it taught to you or is it just the way you are? Sometimes I wonder if "those people" were raised by jackals.
about 13 years ago
Photo 10733
Everyone has a bad day sometimes, I always give the person few chances.
about 13 years ago
Photo 16256
I try hard to maintain calm. Of course my first gut reaction is to not as civil as I should be but that hardly ever comes out. I rarely blow up at people cos that's counter-productive.
about 13 years ago
Photo 29080
I agree in theory with Flag, but if I'm polite & someone keeps on being rude or refuses to have a calm discussion, I have a quick temper & it rears it's ugly head. I totally agree that one catches more flies with honey. More than that I feel better about myself if I stay polite & don't sink down & loose my manners myself, which I've been known to do. I admire the people around here who keep their cool no matter what crazy stuff gets said. Oh yes, regarding the stock response that can be a good way to end an unpleasant discussion. I find that on my fraud calls at work. If people start going around in circles & repeating themselves, or start going off on tangents that have nothing to do with the matter, I just keep repeating the same thing over and over 'Thanks for calling. I'll pass this report on to an investigator'. Usually after I say this about 3x they run out of steam & hang up. Worse comes to worse, Evil Seeker lies & tells them she has another phone call to take. It works every time. :)
about 13 years ago
Photo 11131
If the person is nice, I will be nice.... If the person is nasty... I'll try to be nice the 1st time... if it doesnt work.... they will know Choco kick asses.... : ) Sorry for the language.
about 13 years ago
Photo 43083
Jaine ~ politeness is the way to be ~ anger only begets anger, then things can go from bad to worse. And I agree that you catch more flies with honey ~ not vinegar ~ hehe ^^
about 13 years ago
Default avatar
I do agree that I prefer to be polite even when angry, especially with things like ebay, and like you I have found that by being nice yet firm gets a lot more attention then anger, perhaps because by being nice, it makes the other person feel guilty about their actions, whereas anger will just make them respond further with anger. I try hard to control my anger, as it is very much a case of when I do explode with all my pent up frustrations people better run!! I like the little laughing icon, it's the cutest . Likewise on the crazy antics that people do at this time of year. It amazes me how a person can be so cruel to think it would be funny to see the reaction of somone stepping on glass, and I heard about that incident in Perth, so tragic, we have been having a lot of trouble with youths at the moment, lack of ability to punish young offenders so they are running amok. An elderly gentleman died a few weeks ago when a gang of teens threw rocks at him.
about 13 years ago
Photo 48111
well ,,,< customer is God > juz tell him this will do !
about 13 years ago
Photo 23902
I think you're right about catching more flies with honey. To be honest, I'm not always well-behaved enough when mistreated. What I notice is that when I'm in a situation where the outcome really counts, I behave politely. When I'm in a situation that I'm not invested in, I sometimes use other people's mistreatment of me as an excuse to blow off steam and get mad! But in essence that's bad behavior on my part...
about 13 years ago
Photo 34078
For me it depends on the situation. I try to treat others how I like to be treated for the most part. I usually try to be reasonable and nice but if expletives are hurled at me, I can't promise that I'll remain that way.
about 13 years ago


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