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Jaine *
294,676 views| 172  Posts

The F word

That's right boys and girls, I'm talking about feminism, when did it become such a bad thing to be a feminist.  Hearing "I'm not a feminist but..." makes me want to bang my head against the wall.   Feminism is about choice for woman, wanting equal pay for equal work, living a life free from domestic and sexual abuse.  It is not about hating men (I love men) and being militant and burning bras etc.  

I was reading Mark Allen's blog before (about rape prevention) and it really pissed me off.  It is the exact reason why it makes feminist's nervous when martial artists run self defence courses.  Not because they don't know their stuff when it comes to physical defence but because many - but not all, some have a good awareness and analysis - lack any gender analysis or awareness of the attitudes and constructs in society that keep women unsafe.  It is a complex issue to blog about so I am just going to insert an earlier blog of mine (from a myspace bulletin) that I feel sums the issue up quite nice...

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.

Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

instead of that bullshit, how about:

if a woman is drunk, don't rape her.

if a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.

if a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.

if a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.

if a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.

if a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.

if a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.

if a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.

if a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.

if a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.

if a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.

if a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.

if a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.

if your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.

if your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.

if you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.

if your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not.

if your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.

if your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.

tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.

don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.

don't imply that it's in any way her fault.

don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.

don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

Update: Mark has removed the entry as he wants to think about the issue more and of course he did not mean any harm by his comments.   I am certain he meant well by the blog.  I just get tired of the advice given to women that restricts our behaviour but not that of men (men are not advised to not get drunk at parties).    It also ultimately ends up being used to apportion blame to women survivors/victims of sexual assault.   Women have been taking varying degrees (from all to some) of responsiblity for sexual abuse for centuaries and it does not keep us safe, it merely removes focus from perpetrators.   At the end of the day it does not matter what women do and don't do, if there were no rapists there would be no rape.

almost 13 years ago 0 likes  14 comments  0 shares
Photo 29346
Good point...everyone has self control it's just that some people don't choose to exercise any or say they lack it...not mentioning any names he he...
almost 13 years ago
Fb img 1493569407689
Thanks for this.....I can't seem to escape sexual harrassement wherever I go.....I'm so sick of it, it breaks my heart....I'm very traditional but consider myself a feminist.
almost 13 years ago
Photo 5614
yes, it does sum it up quite nice... strong... =)
almost 13 years ago
Photo 11131
Well said! Great entry girl.
almost 13 years ago
Photo 23799
preach on, girl!!! =)
almost 13 years ago
Photo 43083
AWESOME blog, Jaine !!! :)
almost 13 years ago
Photo 28042
My only disagreement with you is that promoting yourself as an available sexual object or as it was known in my day as being a "cock teaser" does not connote taking responsibility for one's actions. In a perfect world there would be no rape. In a perfect world there would be no sexual objectification. They wouldn't use sex to promote everything from ice cream to fast cars. As it is, women should take responsibility for their own actions and recognize it's a jungle out there. It works both ways. Am I saying it is the woman's fault in that blatant see me, touch me, fondle me, get me alone, but then say no, and she's then raped? No. Never. But the woman can be faulted for being incredibly stupid. No matter how drunk and wild I've ever gotten, I've never gotten myself into that situation. I still had charge of myself. And I've taught my son well that no is no. So, until it's a perfect world, everyone has take responsibility.
almost 13 years ago
Photo 16256
Oh, I didn't read that entry by Mark but I'm sure I've seen something like it before. It's like us women need to be aware that men can be beasts so it's up to us to protect ourselves. It's true we are expected to do more when it comes to thwarting unwanted sexual advances. It's a shame society doesn't respond to "don't do's" and it's also a shame girls also sometimes don't behave safely.
almost 13 years ago
Jrs 8c 1405439596528
Very good point, Jaine! Try solving the problem at the source....ya-hoo! Now I'm gonna go look at bare-chested men and drool. haha!
almost 13 years ago
Photo 1967
Oh, I remember that blog. And yes, it shouldn't only be the women who have to do something to avoid being abused.
almost 13 years ago
Photo 22475
i agree.. nice way to put it
almost 13 years ago
Photo 34078
I remember this blog. I think this was the first entry of yours I ever commented on. I feel very strongly on this issue as well and am glad you put this up again. A woman never asks to be raped no matter what she is doing.
almost 13 years ago
Photo 33405
well said!
almost 13 years ago
Default avatar
JS
Yeah I get pretty upset when a person says 'She's asking for it' about some poor girl just because of the way she is dressed. Many girls do wear clothing that they know will catch a guy's eye, it's their way of flirting, it doesn't mean it's an invitation for sex.It's awful when a rape victim won't testify because she doesn't want to be made to blame, very sad. Great blog.
almost 13 years ago

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