I'm sure throughout your life you have heard the saying " you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover."

Well I say to them, sometimes when the cover is too fcuked up you just don’t want to read the book.

peace,

Jacky

The College List

You know you are in college when.....

[with the exception of the beer one, and the coupon one - i hate using coupons, can't be arsed to source them - they are all true!]

1. High school started before 8am, but now anything before noon is considered “early."

2. You have more beer than food in your fridge.

3. Weekends start on Thursday. No... Wednesday.

4. 6am is when you go to sleep, not when you wake up.

5. You know many different ways to cook ramen noodles or macaroni and cheese.

6. The health center gives out free condoms, and people take them… just in case.

7. Instead of falling asleep in class, you stay in bed.

8. You know how late McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Qdoba, etc. are open.

9. You think it’s the weekend on a Wednesday and you don’t know what month it is.

10. You can't remember the last time you washed your car.

11. Your underwear/sock supply dictates your laundry schedule.

12. You check Facebook/Myspace more than once a day.

13. You get drunk dialed on any night of the week.

14. You wash dishes in the bathroom sink.

15. You’ve fallen off a loft bed.

16. You talk about beer pong like it’s a sport.

17. Finding random people in your house is perfectly normal, and you even sympathize with them... sometimes when you wake up you have no idea where you are.

18. Your primary news sources are the Daily Show and the Colbert Report.

19. You open a beer at 10 am and your roommate asks you if there’s more.

20. The standard of meals per day falls to two, sometimes just one.

21. Your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn’t.

22. You go to Target or WalMart more than 3 times a week.

23. You wear the same jeans for 13 days without washing them.

24. Your breakfast consists of a coke or cereal bar on the way to class... anything with caffeine will do.

25. Quarters are like gold.

26. Your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some ramen noodles.

27. You live in a house with three couches, none of which match.

28. You try to study but seem to procrastinate by eating, going to study breaks, talking to people, etc...

29. You talk to your roommate on instant messenger when you’re both home.

30. You ask people what YOU did last night.

31. Certain things are now deemed "facebook worthy." When friends take pictures of you, you wonder how long it will take them to post them.

32. You’ve seen a hit and run involving a bicyclist/pedestrian.

33. You see people you know you’ve met but can never remember their names or how you know them.

34. You sleep more in class than in your room

35. Your idea of a square meal is a box of Pop-Tarts.

36. You've traveled with bags of dirty clothes.

37. You go home to do your laundry because you're too poor to pay the $2... or too lazy to go to a change machine.

38. You pay $100 for a book you don't read once, return it four months later, and get $7.

39. More than 20% of your household furnishings are made from milk crates.

40. You recognize the meat in the dorm soup as yesterday's meatloaf, and thus decide to eat a nice bowl of cereal - a safe bet for any meal.

41. You use words like "thus" (see #40).

42. You throw out bowls and plates because you don't feel like washing them.

43. Your beer pong table is nicer than all your other tables.

44. It takes preparation... and 3 people... to take out your garbage.

45. Going to the library is a social event.

46. You wear flip flops in the shower your freshman year... you know why.

47. You start joining clubs because of the free food.

48. Visits home depend on how much money you have for gas.

49. You skip one class to write a paper for another.

50. You have no idea where your tuition money is going... technology fees? I think not.

51. Bicycles don't seem as lame as they did in high school.

52. You stay up late to finish homework then sleep through the class in which it was due.

53. Girls: You've balanced your foot on a shampoo bottle to shave.

54. Your backpack is giving you scoliosis.

55. You've written a check for 45 cents or stopped to get $2.00 of gas.

56. Your bill in the bookstore will be comparable to tuition.

57. Going to the mailbox becomes an ego booster/breaker.

58. Most of your T.A.s are foreign...what's the deal?

59. You never realized so many people are smarter than you.

60. You never realized so many people are more dumb (aka "dumber") than you.

61. Western Europe could be wiped out by a terrible plague and you'd never know, but you can recite the last episode of your favorite show verbatim.

62. Care packages rank right up there with birthdays.

63. You craft ways to make any game into a drinking/stripping game.

64. You meet the type of people you thought only existed in movies.

65. Printers break down only when you desperately need them.

66. Anything can be cooked in a microwave.

67. Two words: bike cops.

68. You have Safe Ride programmed into your phone.

69. Old school Nintendo... and guitar hero... are pretty much the best things ever.

70. Going to the grocery at midnight is completely normal.

71. You call restaurants that deliver more than you call your own family.

72. You've paid bills over $5... in coins.

73. You can't imagine life without your computer/cell phone/ ipod.

74. Hoodies and sweatpants become the norm - jeans are considered "dressy" at certain occasions... like school.

75. A canceled class is almost as exciting as Christmas.

76. Taking a nap in the library is perfectly acceptable.

77. Your professors speak English... as a second language.

78. Your teachers swear in class and no one cares.

79. Candles in your dorm room are considered contraband, but cigarettes are ok.

80. You take condiment packets and napkins from fast food restaurants - hey, they're free.

81. Betta fish are like your family.

82. You bring back socks from the laundry room that may or may not be yours.

83. You know what people carrying suspiciously heavy backpacks after dark are doing...

84. The elevators take forever but you'll wait 10 minutes just so you don't have to climb stairs.

85. Your roommate asks you to check the weather on your computer when they're standing 5 feet away from the door.

86. Showers become more of an issue.

87. You press the automatic door opener instead of simply grabbing the handle when you approach a door.

88. Christmas lights seem to be acceptable all year round.

89. Class size doubles on exam days.

90. You donate plasma even though you know it's pretty sketchy.

91. You are no longer thankful that fire alarms are here to protect you.

92. You've bought Christmas presents from the book store and charged it to your student account so your parents pay for the gifts because you're too broke.

93. You begin to include ketchup on your list of acceptable vegetables.

94. You stay on campus for hours in between classes when it's too cold to walk home.

95. People have to help you kick the vending machine just so you can get your 50 cent bag of chips.

96. There's always a "question kid" in at least one of your classes, and you really wish someone would just tell him/her to shut the hell up.

97. You steal dishes from the cafeteria so you don't have to wash your own.

98. Laundry is an all-day event.

99. You no longer find it uncool to take naps. In fact, you quite enjoy them.

100. It's illegal to drink in the dorms yet they sell an assortment of shot glasses, beer mugs, tankards, etc. in the bookstore.

101. You find your list of acceptable napping places expanding daily to increasingly uncomfortable locations.

102. You fill out credit card applications for the free food.

103. You've eaten cereal out of a cup... with a fork.

104. Dressing up for Halloween becomes cool again.

105. You know at least one person who has dropped his/her cell phone into a toilet.

106. You hang multiple shirts on the same hanger to save space/money.

107. You become increasingly annoyed with the "old" people in class - props to them for going back to college but they generally ask really, really annoying questions.

108. You admire people's alcohol bottle shrines.

109. You set your clock 5-10 minutes ahead so you can potentially make it to class on time.

110. You eventually realize that setting your clock ahead makes no difference to you and you're still late.

111. You check ratemyprofessor.com (or something of the like) before choosing your class schedule.

112. You text faster than you type.

113. You only find out a class is cancelled after you get there and sit for about ten minutes.

114. You actually start using coupons, especially those school coupon books.

115. You open canned food and eat it... out of the can.

116. You run out of black ink and, instead of buying a new ink cartridge, decide blue is a nice substitute... adds a little flair.

117. You have numbers in your phone with labels like “Sketchy Steve” and “Alcohol Guy.”

118. The food in your fridge may or may not be older than your little brother.

119. The words "google" and "wikipedia" have become verbs. And you use them... quite often.

120. The names Morgan, Jim, Jack, and Jose could aptly describe either who you were with last night or what you had to drink.

121. You fill your empty two-liter bottles with pop from the school cafeteria.

122. You have a drinking buddy who can hold the most intellectual, deep conversations when drunk. Unfortunately, neither he/she nor you can remember most of it later.

123. Your floor has been dirty to the point that you've had to brush your feet off before putting on socks or getting into bed.

124. You're all for the free samples at grocery stores.

125. Energy drinks become your new best friends.

126. You realize that taking summer classes pretty much negates the fun connotation of "summer."

127. You know exactly how much food will fit into a mini-fridge.

128. You realize that said mini-fridge does NOT freeze ice cream.

129. You've made a sandwich on or eaten food off of your $1500 laptop.

130. Your scar stories involve alcohol and/or hearing what happened to you from your more sober friends.

131. It is completely acceptable... and encouraged... to party on weeknights. What would life be without Wasted Wednesdays or Thirsty Thursdays?

132. Most of your textbooks remain unopened (possibly still shrink-wrapped) the entire semester.

133. Waking up in the morning and driving somewhere to get a friend's (or your) car becomes a norm.

134. The local supermarket sells ping pong balls... right next to solo red cups. Coincidence?

135. You go home for winter/summer break and suddenly your life back at college seems so exciting...

136. You smell the clear liquid in your water bottle before you drink it... just to make sure it's actually water.

137. You discover new bruises on your body and wonder where the hell they came from.

138. You find alternate routes to class in order to avoid annoying organization booths and/or the preacher on campus.

139. Two (more) words: Power Hour.

140. Lunchables are cool again.

141. People make snow penises instead of snowmen.

142. You know at least five people who've burned popcorn.

143. You wonder why dorms stop serving breakfast at 11am. What gives?

144. You attend insanely boring seminars because your professor offers extra credit. Hmm, maybe there will even be cookies or something...

145. You can't sit in the front row because of all the 'non-traditional' students.

Found these definitions to be quite hilarious and so true, enjoy!

1.

Fob

First of all...Fob's are immigrants a.k.a. Fresh off the boat. There are many kinds of fobs (i cant really take credit for this becuz i got this off a site. I added some in)

Twinkie
- Besides your nationality, there is little to distinguish you from white people
- Your significant other is not Asian and never has been
- You have few Asian friends, if any
- You are embarrassed at family events because you cannot speak your language and everyone has to switch to English to communicate with you
- You have no idea that the other types of Asians on this list even exist
- You think Hello Kitty is dumb and do not know what Sanrio is
- You are the only Asian on this list that does not know what Bubble Tea is
- You drive a Ford or some other domestic car and if you drive a Honda, it is stock

Asian-American
- You claim yourself as Asian, but real Asians think you're whitewashed and non-Asians see you as a foreigner. You fit in nowhere
- You have heard of Bubble Tea but have never actually had any
- You are confused about your cultural identity and express this frustration through spoken word performances at your college
- You read A. magazine and think it's great
- You do not know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, or Kangta are
- You are only vaguely aware of the other Asians below

Yap (Young Asian Professional)
- You are in one of these professions:
a) Medicine / Pharmaceutical
b) Engineering
c) Finance
d) Investment Banking
e) Accounting
- Most of your wardrobe was purchased at Banana Republic
- You go to "mixers" on Thursday nights to meet other Yaps and talk about the Dow Jones.
- You did exactly what your parents wanted you to do and as a result, your life is hella boring
- Your apartment/home is decorated almost exclusively with stuff from Pier 1
- Your parents always talk to their friends about how much money you make. If they don't, then you're a dissapointment

Fob (Fresh Off tha Boat)
- You were not born in America
- You know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, and Kangta are. In fact, you have seen them at Atlantic City or Las Vegas recently
- You speak your native language fluently and so do all your friends
- You do not have any non-Asian friends
- Your parents do not speak any English
- When you speak English, you like to make everything plural
- You get extremely good grades in school
- You cannot dance
- Your fashion sense comes from whatever country you're from and you incorporate nothing from American fashion into your wardrobe

SuperFob
- Your command of the English language is minimal and you don't care
- You like dim sum chicken feet
- You do not own a single CD, VCD, Video game, or DVD that isn't bootlegged
- Your only hangout is Chinatown
- All the lights in your house are fluorescent
- You dry your cloths outside your window
- You need a haircut
- You either smell like cigarettes or food

Fobabee
- You are an Asian-American or Twinkie who has recently "awoken"
- You have a newly found fetish of Asian girls/boys
- You have taken the Asian Studies course at college
- You are trying to learn as much as possible about your culture to make up for your lifetime of trying to be white (Twinkie ; Banana) or Black (Chigger ; Tea egg)
- If you are lucky, you will grow to become Fobulous

Gangsta Fob (Fobsta)
- You have shot another Asian
- Your favorite hangout is a pool hall
- When you talk, you sound like a cross between a Fob and an urban black kid
- Your hair looks silly, but no one will tell you because you'll shoot them
- You have a serious gambling problem
- You are a Rice-boy, but your mods are cheap and are never painted to match the rest of your car
- No one tells you your rice ride looks cheap because you'll shoot them
- You want to have a Tab girlfriend, but can only get Hoochie Tabs

Tab (Trendy Asian B*tch)
- You shop at A/X, Bebe and Club Monaco
- You only wear black and will occasionally wear white to "mix it up"
- You do not weigh more than 105 lbs
- You have never paid for dinner at a restaurant in your life
- Platform heels are your favorite
- You are a makeup expert, in fact, you appear completely flawless
- You do not smile in public
- You are the object of desire of all Asian men and you know it
- You smoke
- Your cell phone is completely customized
- On the inside flip of your cell phone is a sticker pic of you and your man
- Somewhere in your purse is a Sanrio item
- You only date Asian and will only date a boy with a nice car
- You are often seen with Rice-boys
- You never travel alone. You are either in the company of other Tabs or your Rice-boy boyfriend

Hoochie Tab
- You are an import car model
- Your boobs are not real
- There are naked pictures of you floating around on the internet somewhere
- Stiletto heels are your favorite
- Your role models are Francine Dee and Kaila Yu
- Your boyfriend is a Gangsta Fob
- You cheat on your boyfriend
- Unlike most Asians, you do not do well in school

Rice-Boy
- You drive an Asian import. Usually a Honda or Acura
- Your souped up car (known as a Rice-ride or Rice-rocket) is unrecognizable from it's original stock form
- Your exhaust pipe is big enough for your head to fit in
- The spoiler on your car looks like it was made by Boeing
- The interior of your car also looks like it was designed by Boeing
- You always drive like you are racing someone
- You are not afraid of dying in a crash, but you are afraid of speed bumps and parking lot on-ramps
- The only other person besides yourself who can sit in your car is your 105 lbs Tab girlfriend. If anyone else sits in your car, the entire bottom of it will be touching the ground
- Even though your car is a Honda, it goes faster and is worth more than a Lotus Esprit
- If you drive a Civic, your dream car is a Supra. If you drive a Supra, your dream car is a Skyline (which you can never have). Poor Rice-boy.

Fobulous
- You speak perfect English and you are fluent in your native language
- You have Asian friends as well as non-Asian friends
- You listen to Asian pop as well as American music
- You are equally aware of both popular American culture and Asian pop culture
- You are a good dancer
- You date Asian by choice even though you could rock the opposite sex of any other race
- You are a good designer and have superior Html skills
- You have an Apt107 page AND an AA page and the guest books in both are packed
- For you, FOB stands for Fabulous Oriental Being
- You have lots of Asian pride

So which one are you?

The time between me finally entering into the workforce is approaching guess I'll learn a thing or two that might land me a job.

10 Things That You Can Do To Get a Job That Might Actually Work

If you didn't read my last post, I highly recommend you don't. It's not that good. But, if you did, you probably were wondering if I could do a post how to actually get a job, instead of blowing it.

I must admit, it's certainly more fun screwing up your interview, but alas, there are things that must be paid for, like food, insurance, the electric bill, the car, cellphone, bacon, lottery tickets, pads, booze and candy. Then, you have all your extra luxuries, like video games and prostitutes. These things aren't cheap and money doesn't grow on trees, so much to everyone's dismay, work must be done.

So, here are 10 things you can do to help you win at the interview:

1. Smell nice, but not too nice. Your scent must be enticing, but subtle. You don't want to overwhelm the interviewer with your lemony-freshness or they might pass out and then you'll have to call an ambulance.

2. Make sure your teeth are brushed, your face is shaved and all your gang tattoos are covered up. All these little things, like combing your hair, can help. Imagine you're a knight going out to slay a dragon, such as Sarah Palin. You need to get prepared by having armor and a sword and all that crap.

3. If you're not sure what to wear, overdressing is always better than under dressing. In fact, why not go in a tuxedo? If you're a girl, you should still go in a tuxedo. A purple striped one.

4. Don't lie on your resume. Companies have armies of agents who are making sure everything is legit. They cannot be stopped or thwarted. I doubt they're even human.

5. Smile and sit up straight. Speak the Queen's English and not "Yo, I gots ta have dis job cuz I gotta make bread so I can get down wit da sticky sticky, ya'ow what I mean, boyyyyy?" You do so because you want to be respectful of the person interviewing you. You want them to be at ease with you. Don't offer them a blunt.

6. Show confidence. This is where all those karate classes are going to come in handy. Look into the interviewers eyes and into their very soul. Speak audibly, but not more than 35 decibles.

7. Be sure to take all your medication before the interview. For example, let's say you have explosive diarrhea. Nothing is more awkward than running off to the bathroom during an interview except for staying with interviewer and shitting your pants. If that happens, though, you should say to them "Well, sir/ma'am, I could've ran to the bathroom, but instead, I chose to shit my pants. I shit my pants for you, because I'm serious about getting this job."

8. Pretend that you're really interested in working for the company. Do some research and find out what they make. That'll really impress the interviewer, for example: "I love McDonald's. You guys are such an exciting company and I've heard nothing but good things about how great your workplace is! I also understand you guys make hamburgers. I love hamburgers."

9. Ask lots of questions to make it seem like you want to learn. Make sure the questions are about the place of employment, and not "So, do play Call of Duty 4?", because they probably don't. No one plays that game, Rob. Uh, so anyhow, just think of anything you can, like "So, how do they clean the sludge out from under the freezer units? I've always wondered that." because it's related to that job.

10. Blow your interviewer. That's right. Slide over to them and say "When I look into your eyes, I see something... beautiful..." then start making out with them. Slide one hand down and... yeah. That should get things going enough for you to perform the dark deed upon them, thus ensuring you get the job, because they'll want moar. This works quite a bit better when the person is of the opposite sex as you, just because statistically, homosexuals only make up about 10% of the population, so the odds aren't really in your favor unless you go to certain parts of certain cities.

I'm officially

22 + 1

peace

J