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brrr..

Tuesday, May 15, 2012 3:17PM / Members only

so, it's time to settle down and story about life again. i wanted to blog so badly. but at this minutes, alive doesnt allow me to do so. i dont know why, am just too unlucky, i think. anyway, you will find the previous post "what you did today is what you get back in return one day." disappeared. just because i wanted to blog so badly, and i couldnt. so i used the previous post and started to edit with the new one.

anyway, the previous post is a lil too emo, a lil too evil :D

so, life was okay. architecture is not that torturing yet. as we have a fb group with the name "architorture" created by one of the classmates. maybe they are still new, and they might not use to those overloads of drawings, designing work after all. like us, who had been working till late night for more than two years, semester 2 with only 4 module is actually quite relaxing. or maybe, we ourself thought it's relaxing. by the way, i just wanna pass all the module, that's all. not greedy, isnt?

feelings. became a lil complicated. i dont know how to describe how i feel now. but at this particular moment, i need to be a lil emo, and i need spaces to breath. i remember bro said, relationships will fade. i believe. not because you people did not keep in touch with each other, but sometimes, when you people get too close to each other. know what, this is not the first time i messed up because of being too close with some friends.

case 1: i had a friend. we are not really close, for me. we knew each other for more that 5 years. to me, this friend is not a good one at all. everyone around me told me not to get closer with her. even parent said so. the truth is, she is not a loyal friend, she loves to make stories, talks without responsibility. but that her. i actually know she's not a good friend to be, she hurt me, but am still naive enough to forgive her, gave her chances to take granted on me. i know, just because am stupid.

case 2: i had a friend. we are really close before. we knew each other for less that 5 years. to me, this friend is quite a good friend to be. but i messed up everything just because we're once too close to each other within a very short period. and now, i hope that we're still friend.

case 3: i had a friend. we are quite okay. we knew each other for less that 5 years. to me, this friend is quite okay when we first met. but things changed now. i doesnt want to blame anyone. i assume that this friend did not change. if i were to blame whom who destroy our friendship, i will stick it on my side. maybe the one who really changed is me, or my mind. anyway, this friend turns out to be selfish and arrogant these days.

forget about case 1 & 2. am actually suffering in case number 3. i asked opinion from two of the coll besties. one told me to give up, one asked me to hold on. if you were me, you'll know how difficult it is to decide. i doesnt want to be as stupid as what i was like case 1. but i doesnt want to messed things up like case 2.

this is the only way i convince myself with :"everyone is selfish. they might be a lil better when you people first met, just because the mask are still there. to show the good side of themselves before being friends. but mask will be taken off whenever you people are close enough, and they will start to ask for more. isnt? "

brrr, it's time to put on the fullstop. am worried i'll be more emo, angry if i continue the story. bless me. allows me to hold on everything peacefully. even i doesnt mind losing friend like these, but i want myself to be mature enough just to let things end peacefully.

conclusion: life okay, study okay, mood okay. but whenever i think about this friend, i rather died a few seconds.

i'll alright, even if we dont.

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♥

Saturday, May 5, 2012 1:44AM / Members only

Finally, the unfortunate issue comes to an end. but still, whenever i think about him, i'll cry! am sick, and everything came all together. sister's birthday party, early mother's day celebration and we're having pin-up for final next monday. hopefully i can finish all the site analysis, client analysis, site plan, layout plan, section, elevation, design development, perspective drawing, model, and everything!

photos on the left show what am doing now, and photo on the right shows what i did with the gang last week.

those faces above. i was once so close with some-of-them. of course, there're also people who i did not really have chances to talk to although we knew each other for more than 3 years. there're some with conflicts before, some which am really close with before, and some with misunderstandings. when i was an ID student, i have them all with me both in classes and out of the class. the day when i decided to leave them, carry on with architecture, i know i wouldnt have all of them around me anymore. and after the unfortunate issue happened, i realize it's time to cherish everyone around me, those important one, and those which i think it's not important. because after the issue, i realize you wouldnt know how much a person meant to you until they leave you. i doesnt want this to happen anymore ): i actually understands, in this big family of ID, we have our own close friends, or we call it, best friend. nothing can ever tied the thirteen-chinese all together. but at least, i'll appreciate everyone of them, every single one of them, even those who blah me, boo me, hate me, dislike me, hurt me. because they taught me a lot, and this is why am a lot more stronger after three years.

hopefully one day, i have guts to tell everyone around me that i love them, i actually appreciate them, sincerely, before it's too late.

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030512

Thursday, May 3, 2012 7:19AM / Members only

03/05/2012. 6.45am.

On Campus Hostel, LimKokWing University of Creative Technology, Cyberjaya

hopefully today will be a better day.

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when blue turns black ):

Monday, Apr 30, 2012 4:20PM / Members only

slept for only 4 hours after the drama marathon and am so-not-willing to go for tutorial this morning. when dad woke me up, the first question came into mind, "should i really bother the attendance or just dont give a damn?" lastly, i decided to head over to cyber. just for the 1 hours tutorial session then get back to seremban.

classmate text me before i reach the class, she said the class has been cancelled due to some unfortunate issues happened in the faculty. it was so depressing when you actually hesitate whether to attend the tutorial and after you've decided to attend, you found that the class has been cancelled. but nothing comes to be more depress after knowing the unfortunate issues actually happened on him. today, will be worst day among the week. i mean, it's the worst issue happened this month. whatdafark!

the first time when we bump into him, we claim that he is not serious in teaching. sometimes, we claim that he's long-winded. but we actually know he's knowledgeable. he is, indeed, a great lecturer. but why god destroy everything just like that?

i dont know what to say, i know it's to late to appreciate things he'd done for us.

lesson of the day: appreciate and cherish everyone around you. you wouldnt know how much they meant to you before it's too late.