OK. So I decided to ramble a little bit before going to my next class.

As I sit outside, in front of the library, encompassed by oh so many trees, green leaves, and other stuff I really don't care about, I realize that I actually don't have the time to be doing this.  I have pages that need read, projects that need finished, and studying that needs to be done - all by tomorrow, and Friday.  This is when I came to the absolute conclusion that "stress" is nothing but a state of mind.  Nothing but our internal alarm clocks buzzing within each of our minds, and no snooze button to hit.

Stress and pressure go together hand in hand.  It's like God figured we'd have too much of a good time on this earth, so He designed a little something to keep us in order.  Something so crazy and abstract, so out of our grasp, that it pushes us to our limits, and sometimes causes devastating effects to our individual physical and mental beings.

You see, I've come to notice during the last 21 years of my life, that people LOVE being in control.  Whatever it is, people just enjoy the fact that they have some sort of influence on what is happening to them.  This happening, as I call it, is basically LIFE.  So what happens when people discover that they have no control over some portion of their lives?  They freak.  They stress.  They melt under the pressure (some more or less than others).

So I have 6 minutes till class, I guess I'll have to finish my thoughts later.

*EDIT*
I decided to write a bit more, since class hasn't started yet.

I hate summer classes, by the way.  Something about being forced to learn, during a time designated by the system as "vacation," just doesn't seem appealing to me.  That plus the fact that everyone else I know is moving on with their lives, taking up internships and/or working, while I'm stuck in this hell hole called Athens, Ohio, like a fly on the windshield of my 2000 Jetta going 95 mph on I-94.  F*ck this. (I censor my own words sometimes, fyi)  This place is a dead end (unless you plan on working for the University, which I don't), and I've been eager to bust out of this b*tch like a drop of man juice after 3 hours of solid love-making.

I'm so over school right now.  Ohio University has been dicking me over since the day I stepped on campus.  Since the day we all stepped on campus.  90% of the student population does not even realize how badly we get screwed in the ass.  F*ck O-U, I'm ready to be O-U-T.

This school takes our money, our time, and most importantly, the last remaining years of our priceless youth.  While many of these students are white, middle-class suburban kids who believe that the world is handed to them, I know different.  In my situation, money doesn't grow on trees, or from my parents' trust funds.  I reluctantly view my e-bill each month to see how much more I will be in the hole upon graduation.  I weigh out all my options and realize that I don't have any.  The only option in my near-sighted view is to finish out college, find an internship like all the other stuck-up, egocentric and self-centered Journalism majors here, and start a life in the real world by paying taxes, working a steady job, and all that other sweet grown-up sh*t that I've never been too excited about.

So what is the point of my ranting?  I guess there is none.  This is just a way for me to stay sane, a way for my thoughts to be conveyed without anyone directly getting offended.

You see, I'm not crazy, just a college student with issues.

This past week has been a blast.  Spring break has just been relaxing, and I've really taken my time to just sit back, chill out and enjoy it.

Sure, a lot of friends have been gone, but that left me time to hang with those who I don't normally chill with.  To be honest, it was pretty fun, and I've had a great time.  One person in specific, however, made my week what it was.  Just to talk with her face to face, and to spend time with her like we did, is something I wish we could've done back in the day.  Things have changed though, since I left the coop to spread my wings.  People change, they have new preoccupations, new people in their lives, and with that in mind, I feel it's important for us to be able to move on and not get stuck in the past, which I think is my problem.  I constantly wonder, had I not left home after high school, what life would've been like right now and right here.  I have a tendency to be reminiscent all too often, and though it's nice to think back and reflect, I wish I'd be able to just move on and continue with what's newly important in my life.

Moving on, the new quarter starts Monday.  Back to another grueling 10-11 weeks of studying, sweating, anxiousness, hard work, and alcohol consumption.  This year has gone by all too quickly, and it scares me.  It's scary how we take time for granted, yet it's the most important thing in our lives but it doesn't stop for anyone.  That's life for us I guess.  Just like time, life keeps moving forward and never rewinds, although sometimes we wish it would.  It's crazy, isn't it? 

Contrary to Forrest Gump, I'd say life is more like a crazy bitch, you never know when you're gonna get slapped, or bitch slapped back to reality.  We get caught up in our own dreams and aspirations, yet sometimes they just aren't practical.  That's when life kicks in and yells at us to be real, and face reality.  If life WAS like a box of chocolates, that'd be nice, cuz I love chocolate, and no piece inside a box of See's Gourmet Chocolates is ever disappointing to me.  True, you never know what you're gonna get, but I guess that's the exciting part of life.  The anticipation of being able to do something you love for the rest of your life, or meeting someone you hope to fall in love with, it all comes in due time, for most of us.  But what I've learned, is that if you really want something in life, you can't just wait around for it to slap you in the face (figuratively speaking), you gotta make it happen, and just go for it.  I wish I had the balls to do that, but I'm working on it.  We've all been put on this earth for a reason, but it's up to us to go out and search for and find that reason.  Life is self-fulfilling, but each and every one of us is responsible for our own self-fulfillment and satisfaction.

Listen to me, I sound like such an emotional bitch (no diss to anyone).  I have a tendency to ramble when I write in the morning or late at night, but I don't know, maybe that's good to some point.  I'm able to rant, express my inner thoughts, and just get everything off my chest, all through a few taps on a keyboard.  I never really understood how people write so much, but now after going to school for it, I can start to see the significance it can have on certain people involved in it.  Here I go again, I need to stop.

Life is nothin like a box of chocolates we kick around
never knowin what's comin until we bite down
it's more like a bitch that slaps us time to time
to keep our minds contained so we don't fall to the ground/
back to new ideas, of livin the American dream
if life is what it seems then we all need to be
aware of our surroundings instead of so green
with envy of others who tend to succeed/
don't need to fall short, try a new method
do it for you, don't worry if others respect it
they can check it if they want, or they get perplexed
affected by the world and this life so reckless/
so as I take my time to share my insights
some think my flow is bullshit, but I've been tight
seems so far, I've been doin alright
and I'ma keep my prevalence in the dark like a pinstripe

till next time,
peace

My desk is littered with scattered papers, pencils and notebooks.  My room looks like it always has, but it's starting to get ugly.  I am deprived of sleep, nutrition, and energy.  It's 2:14 a.m. as I'm writing this, so why am I still up?  Finals, that's why.  Fucking finals.

I've spent the past 3 days hopped up on coffee and Concerta, gotten restless nights of sleep, and I've only eaten 3 meals in 72 hours.  Yes, the past few days have been the weekend, which shows how much I actually care about school right now.  Sure, I went out last night, but not before I spent 5 hours locked in my room rewriting 20 pages worth of English papers.  This Concerta is killin me too.  It stimulates the brain and keeps me concentrated on my work, but it suppresses my appetite so I'm never hungry.  My stomach keeps saying I am but the rest of me doesn't.  My stomach is actually growling as I type this, yet I don't feel very hungry.  Fuck it, I'll eat in the morning...shit, it is morning.

I'm hoping that I get everything done by Wednesday so I can go home for a few extra days.  With one final on Tuesday, I have all day tomorrow to get stuff done.  Hopefully I'll be more productive than I was today, as I spent the majority of my pre-planned studying time on trying to fix my damn computer.  I swear, me and technology don't get along very well.  Anyways, I have one more project and one more article to write, aside from my Sociology final, and then I'm done.  I would have an Econ final on Thursday, but depending on my current grade, I might not need to take it.  I'm hoping for the best.

I can easily say with pure affirmation that this has been the most difficult Winter quarter I've had at OU, actually probably the hardest quarter, period.  With 19 hours of class and 8-10 hours of work each week, not to mention I'm still frantically scrambling around searching for internships for the summer, it's gonna feel nice to just sit back and relax at home for a week and do absolutely NOTHING.  That's all I wanna do right now, is nothing.

So now I'm gonna attempt to get some much needed sleep while I put on some Bone Thugs for some chill ass background music.

peace, and I'm gone.

Alright so I'm probably gonna start rambling on here, because I doubt many people actually read my blogs...

School sucks. End of story.  I got finals coming up next week, and spring break after that.  Then back to another grueling 11 weeks of class before summer vacay.  One thing I've noticed about school is that it sucks.  Oops I already said that.  I got five classes right now which = 19 credit hours, when most people only take 16.  Next quarter I'll be takin 20 hours, on top of workin 8-10 hours per week.  Gotta make that money though.  Anyways back to finals, which is stressin me the fuuuuck out right now, I think the only thing keepin me sane right now is mother nature's gift to humans...that natural herb...you know what I'm talkin about.  So, in total I have:
- 4 english papers to rewrite
- 2 news articles I need to write, 1 of which I still need to find a newsworthy topic
- 35 sources for an Info Gathering project
- 2 econ exams
- 1 sociology exam
- and I still need to search for internships for this summer, or else I don't graduate on time

...ohh life is good ...but yeah I'm a sarcastic bastard so don't take that seriously

I think the only thing I ever do on this blog is bitch about things.  But if that's what it comes to, then fine.  I write as a substitute for taking my angst and aggression out on other things, so this is like therapy for me.  If you don't like it, navigate your web-browsin' ass outta here.

So lemme state a claim, school is like a ball and chain
you're stuck with it until your patience no longer remains
blind to the game because most are afraid of change
so they hide themselves in papers but never any planes/
so I say have at it, this is life, take a stab at it
if anything goes wrong run back like a crack addict
back to the drawing board, my words not so emphatic
hopped up on caffeine bouncin like a jack rabbit/
fuck school, I wish I could write rhymes for a living
I'm spilling, my soul through a keyboard, I'm filling
up space like the universe, gloomy like a moving hearse
i'm feelin so damn averse to all this fuckin school and work/
why do I write sixteen bars without emotion
cuz I can and I take the hand like Danny Ocean
where's my eleven, my brethren, I'm tellin
all you who hear me to listen at your discretion//

hmm so that's about it for me.  I should probably get back to studying.  Econ exam in T minus like, 2 days.  Newspaper article due in 3 days.  Everything else, due next week.  Wish me luck.

be easy

First off, I'm sure EVERYONE has heard about the Edison Chen scandal, so I'm not gonna go into details.  But I do wanna say this, stuff like this happens all the time here in the U.S. and the biggest deals that happen are some media exposure, internet circulations, and that's it.  Done.  Take Paris Hilton, for example.  Nobody even knew who the fuck she was until her sex tape got leaked all over the net.  That boosted her celebrity image, obviously, so for her that was a good thing.  In this particular case, people already know who Edison Chen is, and most of the girls in his pictures.  The thing is, it's being blown up into such a HUGE deal, that the Hong Kong media isn't focusing on anything else, the stuff that's actually important.  Hong Kong constantly focuses so much of its attention on celebrities and Hollywood that anything out of the ordinary that happens is viewed as breaking news more pertinent to the public interest.  Why do people care?  I mean, this stuff happens all the time.  It just so happens that Edison gets unlucky (for once) and has his private pictures stolen and exposed all throughout the internet and in the media.  Now I'm not talking shit, but I've noticed that Hong Kong as a whole is too over concerned with appearances and reputations of people that don't really have any effect on the general population.  So he's got a shitload of nasty pictures, get the fuck over it.  Get your police, media, and population to start focusing on issues that are actually significant to the city of Hong Kong instead of worrying about, what, 9 people including Edison?  Theres SEVEN MILLION fucking people in HK, and you're concerned about 9 of them??  Please...

EDC I got your back.  I'm still a fan and support what you do.  Honestly, I give you props cuz some of those ex-gf's are HOTTT.

C-L-O-T.  act like u know.