What is friendship??

Friendship is co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people.In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship.
(taken from wikipedia)


The last sentence is the main point.

I tried being a good friend. But i ended up felt being used. Used to fill up the free time. And when the other "fren" called and wanted to find her, she leaves me. I tried to understand that the "fren" is important for her, and she has her problem to solve with the "fren". But...i still feel being used.
1st of all... the "fren" called, and she walked away to chat with her on the phone for maybe more than 15mins. And the more than 15 mins, i was alone sitting in the cafe watching the MTV on the Tv. When she came back from the conversation, she told me she needs to leave now, becz the "Fren" is on the way to pick her up at her house.

She was the one who asked me out for a tea time. and also the one that leave becz of a "call"


i shared her hardship , i gave her advices and i was suddenly left alone in the cafe while she was away to talk on the phone..

is my problem or..this is what we called "friendship" ?

is this karma?



recently...or should i said...in this 2 weeks...i felt terribly stress!
1st - my thesis writing
2nd - my coop (internship)

1st
y i stress for the thesis writing? becz i was lazy in previous months and i delayed my work since there is no result for my experiment..i spent time waiting for the new primer, then grow fungus...troubleshooting....
and when its time to pass up the 1st draft, i feel the stress all over my body.
and finally, it was done...a day b4 the draft deadline

2nd
my internship...
i have done something which is very very very wrong.
i might ended up getting a "failed" in my internship.
the day of graduating coming soon (in this year).
i felt lost as i didnt know what i wan to do after graduated, since im lost now in searching for place to do my internship.

i know i shouldnt requested much, i dont have the rights to do so.
i know i should have thank god for the company chosen me at the 1st place, but i didnt..and i caused them to reject me in the final decision.

maybe i ve asked the wrong people's opinion...
maybe i should have my own tough mind, which wont easily listen and follow what other ppl said...

i blamed no one as the results were caused by my ownself.
i ve considered too much which leads to the negative prospects and caused the rejection

what i worried most now is tomorrow....
i know i will be scolded bloodily...
i know i need to find my own job for coop....
and its not easy ....its not easy when the time not allow me to do so..

i hardly tell anyone about the problem i encountered now, except for her.
i did tell my parents and him, but its jz part of the "story"
and this results in feeling guilty and pressure when they r with me...


and the thinking of im "alone" is stronger now...
feel like they dont like me..
they dont care...

and him...he got many other things to settle, which if i tell him mine, would be nothing, but burden.

about the research assistant, i dont thk i can get it as im not a 1st class student nor top student in class. Lecturers dont pay any attention to me, which, i dont thk she will choose me.

im just...a failure

damn it damn it!!!!!!!!!

results were out and there were no signal..no usable reaction?!?!
wat the !!!!!!!!!!!



wats wrong with the sequencing people?!?!!?
not oni my samples..but my frens's one as well.....

and now, asked me to repeat the  process!?!?!? which process?!!?!?


damn it!!!!

i dunwanna go lab anymore!!! i dont want to!!!!!!


FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

am not happy....

too many reasons.....


feel being left out.....

feel......im alone....


feel..y im alwiz the one that do this and that?

urgh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


feel hard to breath.....


looking forward for to9...hope everythg will be okay...and that the celebration will cheers me up, a little bit...


take care

i know, i should be happy today since its my birthday..
i should not go to the lab to work...should have gv myself a day off..
but i went..

and somehow, i realised one thing about "her"
she is not as smart as i think

y?

she asked me to prepared the buffer
and i followed the protocol she gave me
but end up, the lab assistant questioned me and advised me..
y?

i dont really need the volume of solution and i can prepare lesser which more than enough for me to use. however, the protocol given was to prepare 500ml of solution which i oni will need 5ml.
see the difference?

luckily the lab assistant very good and friendly
he helped me to prepared and while preparing he keep explain to me about how to prepare a buffer without wasting the chemicals (like what written in my protocol)


and i found out 1 thg
she used to asked me to prepare something which will be used by 4 of us..
y me? and y alwiz me? did i look likes nothing to do in the lab?
is my lab work going to done soon?
nope...not at all...
last time the TAE buffer and EDTA buffer were prepared by me...ALONE
the TAE buffer was used by them more than myself...
reason? they have much more samples than me...
but i was repeating doing the same work

and now this TE buffer...again, im the one that prepared it...
sometimes..i feel, didnt go to lab so often is a good thing than go to lab everyday..
like "him"...he can jz go to lab like once in 2weeks
i didnt c him worried over his lab work...
and i guess, he never noe bout the buffer preparing things
cz he oni deal with his OWN samples...

urgh~

is not that i dont want to prepare it since i also will going to use it
its jz that, i feel unfair...

oh..i heard the lab assistant said something not good about her...
well..i do agree some of his points....

tired~~~~~~~~~

ta~