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  • Work funnies

    Thursday, Mar 19, 2009 1:09PM / Members only

    Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...

    "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

    "This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me."

    "Whew!  Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"

    "I wasn't sleeping!  I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

    "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

    "I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related   stress."

    "Damn!  Why did you interrupt me?  I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

    "The coffee machine is broken..."

    "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

    " ... in Jesus' name.  Amen."

     

    Double Standards

    When I take a long time, I am slow.
    When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

    When I don''t do it, I am lazy.
    When my boss doesn''t do it, he is too busy.

    When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.
    When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

    When I please my boss, I''m ass-kissing.
    When my boss pleases his boss, he''s co-operating.

    When I do good, my boss never remembers.
    When I do wrong, he never forgets

     

    Mr. Robert Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.

    When leaving the room, she said, "Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is open." He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.

    He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?"

    The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

     

    Smirks n giggles, Lex

      125 views Share    

  • Ha ha ....Thats funny, Finally...

    Thursday, Mar 19, 2009 12:51PM / Members only

    So...I know Life is full of ups and downs and all that really goey stuff in da middle but, fluck it right.  U only have one to live and who wants to mope around all damn day...Cheer up...ur makin me sick, Lol...

    Here's to my Cool friends on AnD...Smile when u think of me...Winkersss

    Funny Bumper Stickers...

    Impotence is Gods way of saying "No hard feelings" (wowzers)

    Some people are only alive cuz it's illegal to shoot them (ouch)

    If U can read this...I can slam on my brakes...and sue u... (haha)

    Funny Jokes...

    One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
    She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
    She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
    He replies "BREASTS."

    BLONDE LOGIC
    Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
    The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

    What did God say after creating man?
    I can do so much better.

    Why do men like smart women?
    Opposites attract.

    Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
    They all already have boyfriends.

    Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
    Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened

    Insults

    Can I borrow your face for a few days while my ass is on vacation?

    Make a mental note . . . oh, I see you're out of paper!

    Better at sex than anyone, now all he needs is a partner.

    Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?

    Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

    I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

    Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

    All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

    When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

    Two woman were talking about the new hunk in the neighborhood. "But he acts so stupid," said one to the other. "I think he must have his brains between his legs." "Yeah," her friend sighed, "but I'd sure love to blow his mind."

     

      120 views Share    

  • IMPORTANT

    Monday, Mar 16, 2009 7:59PM / Members only

     

    U know what...I think it is vital for all my friends to take a look at the Obama Deception and leave me ur thoughts on this.  What can we do as not only Americans, but also as human beings to protect our HUMAN RIGHTS...

     

    Its not all peaches and cream....

    WAKE UP>>>Lex

    please comment asap

    You can find the Obama Deception on infowars.cm or on youtube

    know your rights

      113 views Share    

  • Hmmm..Where have I been...

    Friday, Feb 27, 2009 12:05PM / Members only

    Soooo...

    A couple of things have happened lately...

    Negatives...

    My friends husband died...she's pregnant, and has a 2 year old.

    My uncle died...he has 2 kids,  5 grandkids, 1 great grandkid, lots of bros and sisters, even more neices and nephews...booooo

    um, My boss has a crush on me...ew...

    Student Loans are all messed up...

    Tired of waiting on this F*ckin apt...

    Positives...

    My taxes came in...(Chi Chingggg)...

    Paid off overdue tuition...

    Went shopping...

    Shorter hair...(i kno..Dnt worry, It'll grow back..)

    Finally...

    Went out with the girls...Ate some mexican food...drank a lil...stumbled around da city...got into a comedy club n hung out with da comedians after. Finally called it a night...fun...always fun.  They always kno when its time to have fun...

    So am I over the negatives...not even close.  At least I kno that this is all a ride, the higher the ups ,the steeper the downs, so i try to remain content without over doin it...Afterall, life is about balance...I Thank the All for all...without the All we would be...nothing.

    Peace

    Lex

      227 views Share    

  • BESOS AMORES...

    Sunday, Feb 15, 2009 12:44PM / Members only

    Hey everyone...Just writin to say...HAPPY VDAYYY!!!  I was supposed to go out and party hard but ...what can I say, Family First....Next week, I'll do it up.  Send all my AnD hotties my fun pics....MUAHZZZ.

    Oh yeah, This is to the guy that wanted to be my vtine...  >=P

    To da Lil GuY DaT TrIeD

    ur luv is a freshly cut rose...slowly dying

    I'm happy so why bother trying

    Tired of mistakes and miscalculated errors

    u define a woman's deepest terrors.

     

    DoNt GeT iT TwIsTeD...BeInG SiNgLe RoCkSSSSS

     

      161 views Share    

  • More entries >

My guestbook More comments >

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  • posted on Tuesday, Mar 20, 2012 1:43AM  [Report]
    Dear sunshine Starting with a simple hello from me to you. Have been truly blessed by your gentle beauty-look and affectionate smile This is a natural prettiness and attractive witty-style. Whenever nights are long and stars winks in the sky, these are the special time I'll luv thinking about your superb picture so attractive and inviting.With lovely heart and smilin face … you're irresistible with attractive facial appearance sparkling in beauty. l'll cherish having sum1 like u! sweet is ur name, deep in my heart u'll always be! I'm an uninvited guest knocking the door of ur heart, make me a guest Honey... Luv u
  • posted on Wednesday, Mar 7, 2012 9:56PM  [Report]
    FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS LEXI!!!!

    QUE PASES UN HERMOSO DÍA RODEADA DE TODOS AQUELLOS QUE TE AMAN CON EL CORAZÓN.

    UN BESO MUY GRANDE,

    JORGE
  • posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2011 2:15PM  [Report]
    hey u im tiger caugth yr pic u look very cute want to be good friends
  • posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2011 2:14PM
    I'm ALIVEEEE...bwahahahaaa
  • Official artist 
    posted on Thursday, Jul 28, 2011 12:38AM  [Report]
    Yo YO!
  • posted on Wednesday, Mar 16, 2011 8:15PM  [Report]
    By sexy Divineflo
  • posted on Friday, Dec 31, 2010 3:11AM  [Report]
    Happy New Years from everyone at alivenotdead.com!
  • posted on Tuesday, Dec 14, 2010 12:59PM  [Report]
    一把吉他,一台鼓,2个人的乐队,直奔快乐。
    ===================
    CHINA5乐队EP《一一》首发巡演

    2011年1月1日----2011年1月11日,11个城市

    巡演日程安排:
    1月 1日【郑州 7 livehouse 】郑州市金水区文化路与优胜南路交叉口西一百米。
    电话:13803717717
    1月 2日 【西安 光圈】 西安市碑林区东大街菊花园饮马池(中国银行与西安饭店中间小巷向内200米左拐) 电话: 15829728778
    1月 3日 【武汉 VOX汉口店】 武汉市江岸区胜利街183号(原唐生智公馆,小桃园斜对面) 电话: 027-87596030
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    电话: 13787169716
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    电话:18942216770
    1月6日 【南京 古堡酒吧】 南京市鼓楼区古堡酒吧 。
    电话:13770588839 /13912971211
    1月7日 【上海 现场酒吧】上海市五角场国顺东路800号西楼。
    电话:021-28336764
    1月8日 【青岛 自由古巴】青岛市南区奥帆中心猫头鹰酒吧。
    电话:13668866600
    1月9日 【北京 MAO LIVE HOUSE】 北京市鼓楼东大街111号。
    电话 010-64025080 / 64027494
    1月10日 【石家庄 牛仔80摇滚俱乐部】 石家庄 裕华区 槐安东路经济学院东100米青木影视工场院内 12/43/39/49/56路金马大厦站下
    电话:0311-8888 8987 /13931988350
    1月11日 【天津 13club】天津市河北区自由道58号三楼
    电话:13612087080

    CHINA5 first EP《A One and a Two》Release shows

    One guitar,one drum,2person band, will rock you !

    melody:Hu ning
    rhythm:Young
    ================

    CHINA5乐队豆瓣音乐人页面:http://www.douban.com/artist/china5/(歌曲试听)

    music online:
    www.myspace.cn/china5
    http://www.douban.com/artist/china5
  • Official artist 
    posted on Wednesday, Nov 24, 2010 2:17AM  [Report]
    Miss DIVINE!
  • posted on Saturday, Sep 25, 2010 5:27AM  [Report]
    Argh you left the boat without throwing me from board? Damn you must have been really tired, of what hehe~=P

    Wish you a bright time, Dear Lexi~=)
  • posted on Friday, Sep 24, 2010 2:37AM  [Report]
    awww thank you lexy! You are the Bestest! :D Love ya! :D
  • posted on Wednesday, Sep 22, 2010 12:25AM  [Report]
    when i go on again i will^-^
    just gotta find you on my friends list :P
  • posted on Monday, Sep 20, 2010 10:32PM  [Report]
    a lovely (short) reunion we had in the sb :D
    but it was great to see you again!!!
  • posted on Tuesday, Jul 20, 2010 4:14PM  [Report]
    sexy lexy!
  • posted on Monday, May 17, 2010 2:46AM  [Report]
    Hola mi amor!!!!!
  • posted on Thursday, Apr 15, 2010 6:54AM  [Report]
    I love ur Obama deception thang we do need to do somethang and get educated of our rights
  • posted on Tuesday, Mar 30, 2010 3:24PM  [Report]
    hi!!! how are you?"Old friend are gold.....
    New friend are diamond....
    If you get diamond
    don't forget gold .......
    because gold only can hold a diamond...."
  • posted on Monday, Mar 8, 2010 1:22AM  [Report]
    A Very Happy Birthday to you Sexy Lexy!
    I hope you have a wonderful b-day! :)
    Take care and all the best! :) Love ya girl! :)
  • posted on Sunday, Mar 7, 2010 7:16PM  [Report]
    Hey,HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!
    woww it's been ages I have talked to you.I hope you are doing fine.Have a wonderful b'day with everyone arround you. *CHEERS*
  • posted on Friday, Jan 29, 2010 11:38AM  [Report]
    Thank u for the love :) if u get the time plz check out my songs on my myspace page at myspace.com/leezyhtut
  • More comments >

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