Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...

"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

"This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me."

"Whew!  Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"

"I wasn't sleeping!  I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

"I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

"I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related   stress."

"Damn!  Why did you interrupt me?  I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

"The coffee machine is broken..."

"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

" ... in Jesus' name.  Amen."

 

Double Standards

When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

When I don''t do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn''t do it, he is too busy.

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

When I please my boss, I''m ass-kissing.
When my boss pleases his boss, he''s co-operating.

When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets

 

Mr. Robert Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.

When leaving the room, she said, "Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is open." He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.

He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

 

Smirks n giggles, Lex

So...I know Life is full of ups and downs and all that really goey stuff in da middle but, fluck it right.  U only have one to live and who wants to mope around all damn day...Cheer up...ur makin me sick, Lol...

Here's to my Cool friends on AnD...Smile when u think of me...Winkersss

Funny Bumper Stickers...

Impotence is Gods way of saying "No hard feelings" (wowzers)

Some people are only alive cuz it's illegal to shoot them (ouch)

If U can read this...I can slam on my brakes...and sue u... (haha)

Funny Jokes...

One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."

BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

U know what...I think it is vital for all my friends to take a look at the Obama Deception and leave me ur thoughts on this.  What can we do as not only Americans, but also as human beings to protect our HUMAN RIGHTS...

Its not all peaches and cream....

WAKE UP>>>Lex

please comment asap

You can find the Obama Deception on infowars.cm or on youtube

know your rights

Soooo...

A couple of things have happened lately...

Negatives...

My friends husband died...she's pregnant, and has a 2 year old.

My uncle died...he has 2 kids,  5 grandkids, 1 great grandkid, lots of bros and sisters, even more neices and nephews...booooo

um, My boss has a crush on me...ew...

Student Loans are all messed up...

Tired of waiting on this F*ckin apt...

Positives...

My taxes came in...(Chi Chingggg)...

Paid off overdue tuition...

Went shopping...

Shorter hair...(i kno..Dnt worry, It'll grow back..)

Finally...

Went out with the girls...Ate some mexican food...drank a lil...stumbled around da city...got into a comedy club n hung out with da comedians after. Finally called it a night...fun...always fun.  They always kno when its time to have fun...

So am I over the negatives...not even close.  At least I kno that this is all a ride, the higher the ups ,the steeper the downs, so i try to remain content without over doin it...Afterall, life is about balance...I Thank the All for all...without the All we would be...nothing.

Peace

Lex

Hey everyone...Just writin to say...HAPPY VDAYYY!!!  I was supposed to go out and party hard but ...what can I say, Family First....Next week, I'll do it up.  Send all my AnD hotties my fun pics....MUAHZZZ.

Oh yeah, This is to the guy that wanted to be my vtine...  >=P

To da Lil GuY DaT TrIeD

ur luv is a freshly cut rose...slowly dying

I'm happy so why bother trying

Tired of mistakes and miscalculated errors

u define a woman's deepest terrors.

DoNt GeT iT TwIsTeD...BeInG SiNgLe RoCkSSSSS