Review: The Tourist Annoys
Jolie and Depp can't save a limp plot and threadbare logic.
Laremy Legel,
Dec 10, 2010
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"To battle the logic of the film would be to swat flies in a hurricane."
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We'll resume our regularly scheduled review in a moment, but first, a riddle.
What does Johnny Depp playing a schlub look like?
Think on that, and let's talk about The Tourist. Angelina
Jolie! Johnny Depp! Italy! A madcap tale of mistaken identity and
embezzlement! Or so the marketing around the film would have you
believe. Unfortunately, the film would be far better off if you entered
sedated, having never seen a movie before, and unaware of who this "John
Depp" fellow was. Still, even then I think you'd have an inkling, a
feeling, something in the back of your mind saying "Hmmm, this chap
doesn't seem to fit in this part."
And he doesn't, which is the entire problem with The Tourist.
Is the film enjoyable if you're looking for a quasi-homage low
consequence afternoon? Possibly. Is it good? It is most decidedly not.
It doesn't add anything to the conversation, it doesn't earn its
relationships, and it is painfully predictable. Plus, we haven't even
gotten to how they handle Angelina Jolie in this film. Here goes.
If aliens landed and saw only The Tourist to judge us on,
they would believe that Jolie was our queen. The camera lingers on her a
good fifteen to twenty seconds too long every few minutes, and the
people in the film treat her as if they'd never seen a woman prior. Even the women treat her this way.
She'll enter a room, people will gasp and stare, and she'll smile like a
Cheshire cat. It's confounding. Yes, she's an attractive lady, and
sure, she seems to make the news on a regular basis, but she's not the
only example of sexuality we're working with, is she? She's not so
breathtaking that normal human interaction with her becomes impossible,
right? Yet, The Tourist believes this is the case. Johnny Depp
meets Angelina Jolie on a train, and he's immediately unable to speak.
His entire life prior, his thousands of interactions with mortal women,
they've all left him woefully unprepared to bask in the visage that is
Jolie. And we, the audience, are supposed to take extreme joy in this,
or else why would the film show this same interaction 750 times in a
row? Jolie is pretty, Depp is confounded, Jolie smirks at his confounded
nature, Depp drinks her in with his eyes, Jolie smirks at his wanton
lust, Depp slightly recovers, Jolie is pretty, Depp is confounded, and
on and on this goes. To talk about the plot would be silly, as they
never get around to it. To battle the logic of the film would be to swat
flies in a hurricane. At some point you've just got to give up and seek
shelter.
Now then, the answer to the opening riddle. Johnny Depp, playing a
schlub, still looks very much like Johnny frickin' Depp, sexy man
extraordinaire. He'd be suave if you dunked him underwater and garnished
him in a trash bag, and so the film's continual insistence that we view
him as overwhelmed by Jolie's attraction is a faulty premise. Asking
Depp to play a common man is like asking a cheetah to do the Macarena.
Counterproductive, pointless, and a massive waste of everyone's time.
Source: http://www.film.com/features/story/review-the-tourist-annoys/43014983