Why does it seem like bookshops at airports (Australia and SG) always have more interesting books, which I can never manage to find in normal bookstores?

By the way, I’m referring to the non-fiction section. I find that as I grow older, I have less patience to read fiction books…unless the writing is so good that it keeps me wanting more.

Anyway, at airports I always see interesting titles like “How to Deal With Difficult People”, “The Google Story”, “Say Everything: How Blogging Began, What It’s Becoming, and Why It Matters”, “The Wikipedia Revolution”…and many, many others I can’t remember right now (I know those were crappy examples ><”).

Nowadays I’m more drawn to self-help books, books about language like “Eats, Shites, & Leaves”, possibly biographies (haven’t tried one for a while now), philosophical books, Stephen Hawking-esque books, and books on neuroscience, psychology, and I love books where the author gives an insight into how they write and their thought process.

Am I not looking in the right places or hard enough?

I can’t seem to find a good read as easy as before.

~*~

I’m currently reading “Vogue Beauty” because I’m finally going to learn about makeup. I was never interested in it, never liked it, but as I grow older it becomes more important. I mean presenting yourself nicely is important and makes you look more professional. The more I learn about it, the more I discover that beauty isn’t just about looking good, it’s about looking after your body(skin, hair etc.), and accentuating the qualities that you have. Very few of us are perfect but we can at least make the most of what we have.

“There are no ugly women, only lazy ones”

Yes, Helena Rubinstein, you are right. Any woman can be beautiful if they make the effort, especially with the amount of beauty products out there today. I’m starting to realize why it’s such a huge industry! No woman can avoid it, unfortunately.

So I went in to work today...and it wasn't as scary as I thought it might be. I'm referring to the dream I had last week where I went back to work and the place had completely changed: everything looked different and I couldn't recognise anyone working there except one supervisor - Lyle. Nope, things were still the same.

When I was walking from my car, I felt overly excited yet nervous at the same time. Excited to go back and see everyone, but nervous at how I'm going to say goodbye. I hate saying goodbye and I'm not good at it >< 

Going up the two flights of stairs from reception that I have been walking up for the past year, it suddenly hit me that it has been a long time since I was last here (it's actually only 6 weeks). Then pulling out my card to swipe at the security door, I felt very proud to be part of my company and working there. Haha, isn't it funny that I always feel like this whenever I pull out my security card?

My drive to work had left me dehydrated so I first went to get a cup of water...walking down the oh-so-familiar corridor towards toxi where the filtered water dispenser was. On my way walking back down the corridor towards CRA I bumped into David. He asked me if I had been on holidays, and how long I'm back for. I said I was only here to say goodbye, then I let him go for his break.

In the CRA lab (urgent/priority area) there was Hamed, Leon, Fahrad, Chelsea and the Polish lady (forgot her name...oh, it's Jolanta!). And fortunately for me, peternaumoff was here today!! He was busy at the computer so I went to say hi. He's one of my favourite people at work, if not the most. I told him I was here to say goodbye (original intention still intact) and I wasn't working anymore, my last day was a few weeks ago. We shook hands twice (I couldn't hug him because he had lab coat on) and he said I can be his Chinese interpreter when he goes to China...but he's already got his Korean friend to interpret Korean; he told me to study hard and come visit when I can.

Then I walked towards the back lab...to see Ellen, Gemma, Josie, Sara and of course Eric. First person I went to see was Eric, my supervisor. We talked in John's office about my plans. He asked whether this was it and didn't want to work here anymore. I said yes, hesitantly.  Original intention STILL intact. Then we had a little chat...about me, about my plans. This must be the first time we have a proper chat actually. He put the offer for me to stay on and do any work in the next two months. Can't believe I gave in...again. So, decided to speak to John about it. Wah, I had originally wanted to sign off my contract so I didn't have to think about it anymore...now I have to wait for them to call me back once they consult with the big boss. But at least now the ball is in their court. I don't have to make any decision anymore. But I kind of hope they say no, that they don't need me to work anymore...so I can finally leave. The more I think about it, the more I wish I had finalised everything then and there >< My indecisiveness bites me back again! I think I should endure it anyway, at least if they say yes, I can earn a little more money before I head to Melbourne.

So after that chat with Eric, in the corridor outside John's office I bumped into Aya and so had a little chat with her about my plans. Later Fahrad also came to see what I was up to, whether I was still working. I told them I was no longer full time but I may be working afew days here and there.

You know what? I think I finally know why I keep giving in. It's because I don't want to say goodbye. Goodbye is too final, too sharp, too "this-is-it",au revoir...sayonara, farewell, so long...that's it, see ya...

Anyway, next I went to have a chat with Lara, found that she is indeed moving up to Geraldton next month. And she gave me a little advice on my course dilemma: to talk to a lot of people. Also found out from her that a particular someone is on permanent night shift, which was later confirmed when I read a memo. While looking through my payslips and reading through memos, I saw Eric walking around. Later I realised he was calling everyone for my farewell ><.

Wow, I really wasn't prepared to have so many people gathered for my farewell. Eric, Sara, Josie, Shirley, Taryn, Leon, Devin, Nathan, Fahrad, David, Lara, Gemma, Chelsea...probably a few others I've forgotten. I was panicking abit thinking about my speech I had prepared. Anyway, Eric started off with a speech. All the expected stuff, quiet hardworker, always smiling (really...haha, I got that comment from Anna too ^^"), only ever seen me laugh twice (blah, blah, yeah, I can't say I felt comfortable around everyone), to which Lara retorted "You haven't worked night shift with her". Thanks Lara~~ He made some BP joke...which no one got =.='. It was something about being quiet.

Hmmm, but what I'm confused about is why, in his speech to everyone, he made it seem like they were the ones laying me off my job...when it's actually me who was leaving them. Where, oh where did that come from? Really? They didn't want to keep me? That's not what Eric has been hinting to me on our one-on-one conversations. I thought that was strange...and I was abit offended actually. But anyway, who cares, the important thing is I'm leaving them anyway. He gave me a "little present", fittingly for me, and a "big card", in his words. So then that was the cue for my turn to give a speech.

Oh crap! I was nervous because I didn't expect to have to say my speech to the lab people as well. But I didn't have time to feel shy. Just do it. And I really did it! It was such a releasing feeling, I mean that point where you overcome your loss of confidence and face it head on. It felt great. But I don't know about my speech...though the important thing is that I got to the essence of what I wanted to say. It went something like this (if I ever dare to recollect the memory):

"Thank you to everyone for making this an unforgettable learning experience"

(comment by Devin: yeah right)...he was joking of course.

"No really, this being my first real job, I've learnt a lot from it"

(comment by Nathan: yeah, learnt the bad stuff)...haha, funny Nathan.

"Thank you to Eric and Sara for being the nicest supervisors anyone could ask for"

*(nervous) laugh from me* (feeling awkward because I sound so corny ><)

(Eric: alright that's it, that's all the important people. Fahrad: Ok, let's go *clap and walk away*...of course they were both joking)...haha, thanks guys for making it not-so-serious.

(At this point I would've followed my original speech to thank Yvonne and David for their patience in teaching me but unfortunately Yvonne wasn't present...so had to ditch that line)

WARNING: corny lines coming up ><"

"I wish everyone all the best, hope you take good care of yourselves and each other. And if I don't come back, I'm going to miss working here with everyone. Thank you"

*look at Eric, to cue to him that I finished my speech*

*clapclapclap...*

OMG, that last line was totally awkward and didn't come out the right way...I mean the part before the final thank you. But anyway, I'd finally made my speech. Yay! Because I have been super stressed about this for the past few weeks ><. No one likes giving speeches, isn't it? So that was a big weight off my chest.

Then I sat down to read my card, while waiting for John who was in a meeting. Eric actually called him, by phone, in the meeting and pulled him out just for me. I felt so bad!!! But anyway, John came, and we talked in his office. Uh, felt so awkward. I explained to him my plans and what Eric had suggested. I wasn't very eloquent at all, couldn't find the right word but I eventually got it all across. He said he will have to speak to Neil (top boss) because there were issues with my contract, no timesheet for the last pay, change of employee number during the changeover to the new electronic pay system meant it was hard finding people; and due to pay cuts, the company might not need extra people...etc. Then we finished by talking abit about Melbourne, he had just flown back from Melbourne which had been sweltering, he said the place has a good vibe, great restaurant's, bars, good transport...man, I need to brush up on my small talk skills ><.

Anyway, so I finally talked to John. This had also been stressing me out for a while now. Wow, I get stressed about everything -_- Afterward I let Eric know what the situation was, John was going to get back to me after speaking with Neil. Chatted abit more about my future plans. He said we might see me in the newspaper as the next foreign minister. "I think that's too ambitious"..."Well, you should aim high"...*smile...er, what can I say to that*...haha, I doubt myself too much.

So, it was finally time for me to go. I hugged and said my "goodbye"s and "take care"s to Gemma, Sara (Also wished her a "healthy birth"...Gemma: yeah, she(Sara) hopes so too. Sara: thank you *smile*), Chelsea (she said we should organise a dinner with Tammie...err, I agreed, unwillingly), Lara, and finally David (who was out in the front lab). Last person I saw was Christian...who still had his 19-going-on-40 look, hahaha.

So long it is...(pun intended)

"xoxo"

I'm riding on a pendulum and I can't get off! Somebody help me~!!

My indecisiveness is getting the better of me, taking over every single thought in my head. I think I might really go crazy soon.

First example: today I went shopping for new glasses. The good news is I finally bought them after many months delay. Why did I wait so long? It's because the task of buying new glasses requires a lot of decisions. And I'm the type of person who is very pedantic about making the RIGHT decision. In this case, it's the right decision in regards to price, quality etc. Today I was so close to making the right decision...yet so, so frustratingly far. I can't change my mind now because the $100 deposit has been paid already >< The wrong decision was buying from the more expensive shop rather than another which provided more extras for cheaper. Arghhh, wanna pull my hair out!

Second example: tonight I started thinking about my uni application AGAIN...@@. This time I'm thinking about my credit transfer application. Until finally I realised I was looking at it from the wrong way. I should be seeing how many electives I actually have. Uh, durr! I feel so stupid!

So there I was calculating away....until...I realised...I only have 6 points of electives left. Which equals one whole unit. ONE!!! How can that be?!

Well, actually I have another option. If I simply do a major in A, major in B and minor in C then I can get 18 points of electives, as opposed to doing EXTENSIVE major in A, minor in B and minor in C. Which leads me to the agonization of whether to focus on B more than A, when my initial purpose of going back to uni was to pursue a career in A. But now I'm struggling with the decision whether to be realistic and choose B or go for it ("follow my dreams") and stick to A. (I know what you're thinking: "WTF?") It's so tempting to go realistic...but deep down I know I should go all out, because I have been playing it safe for so long. BUT...I know everyone (*coughacademicscough*) will be telling me otherwise, they will tell me to be realistic >< And if I give in, I will indeed follow that path because I hate the idea of failing to achieve that dream/goal.

God, which path should I choose?

Weeeeeeeeee~

I made a video, spontaneously. Actually it was for my friend who asked me to play piano for her, but she's in Melbourne, hence I made a video. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Maybe I'll make a few more...hehehe.

It's far from perfect...but here it is, in all it's naked youtube glory:
Video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Rnjw9_4SnU

All I needed was my camera, my laptop, and Windows Movie Maker...as simple as 1,2,3*!

*Piano and pianist not included =.="

O, cease to heed the glamour
That blinds your foolish eyes,
Look upwards to the glitter
Of stars in God's clear skies.
Their ways are pure and harmless
And will not lead astray,
But aid your erring footsteps
To keep the narrow way.
And when the sun shines brightly
Tend flowers that God has given
And keep the pathway open
That leads you on to heaven.

~God's Garden (excerpt), Robert Frost

~*~

Rest In Peace T.H.Tran

I never knew how to cry in grief before today. It's a completely different kind of sadness that I have never felt before. Now I wonder about life again...